mac's party last night. (Y) <--thumbs up on fb.
soooooooo fuckinnng fun!
corinne came, my suspicions were correct, mac has a little bit of a thing for her, he said so-but he was also under the influence so you never know how strectched the following statement was: "What if i dumoed katy for corinne"
^mindyou he has never even asked corinne out.
i freaked out, lauren who had a few drinks was on magor rebound and got hurt/jealous REAL fast. and as soon as we got back from our graveyard/playground/walk adventure i pulled corinne aside and spilled. feeling instantly guitly afterwards for telling mac's secret and for telling HER of all people, as if to say "hey i like this kid only when im on rebound. like a lot. and it hurts really bad he likes u. dont date him k bye."
but hoonestly i wouldnt be mad if she WERE to date him! it's a free world. and shes a good friend.
she said eh is only friend material but i was still ehh.
mind you they shared a bed, opsite directions, and nothing happened, just corinne had NO WHERE to sleep. and his bed is so comfortable! mac meant nothing by it. he was pretty sober by the time he offered that idea [along with others] but corinne was already about to fall asleep so she stayed there.
watching noah and taylor cuddle and kiss made me misss erik though. not want mac as earlier tipsy me had wished.
i rebound-like mac [i refuse to think i like him he's my best friend. i cant.]. but i rebound like him for who he is inside, my friend, his personality, but then i think of kissing him, etc it doesnt register. i cant IMAGION doing that. idk. its weird.
as soon as i woke up the jealousy was gone, and we were friends again. god i sent corinne a HUSE apology for telling her that last night, and that i dont like him, she was right, even the smallest amount of substance can drastically draw out your emotions.
i woke up semi missing erik. when we drove by his house i was texting my mother, i looked up after and we had already past it. not sure if this was a good or bad feeling of missing it. both relief and longing, you know?
whenever im over tire/on sleepaid or drinking i rebound hard, but as soon as i wake up after the fact, i realize i dont feel this way.
i wish i was still with erik, but after all that has been said and done by him i dont think things are so simple anymore. i miss him, and i want to be with him. but he isnt the same, we're not the same. i'm moving on, and he is long gone, moved on to another girl probably. -shrug-
well. there was my rant.
moving to palmer house in a few weeks,
birthday in 2 weeks, hopefully concert ON my birthday
need more driving times, like bad. lol
thanksgiving in cape cod tomorrow, gotta shower soon and get an outfit together. wonder if it's dressy or casual. hmmmm...
hopefully going to corinnes house saturday and going to her sisters performance [singing/band possibly] and sleeping over afterwards, and working out in the morning. im so slow though, and its two days after thanksgiving, im going to make her go slow, or walk. i feel bad but she would loose me and idk my way around orange. then we will do other workouts. pushups i am pro at though! pushups, crunches, squats, etc. lol we should do those. yea. oh she texted me a while ago.. i should check those now.
welp, getting off now.
meg came in to talk but i need to get ready :p