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heyyy guys!!(: I'm really sorry I haven't posted/been on in FOREVER! I've been really busy and got behind! So sorry if you messaged me or commented and you're waiting for an answer!! (im not trying to be rude, but it probably won't be answered, that includes request for tags)....
ANYWAYS -READ THIS PART PLEASE-
Uhm.. so things in my (real) life have changed...like a lot...I have gotten a lot happier (so to all of you lovlies that have worried about me, im fine) so this is good!(: thank you!! But my sadness (i guess you could call it) has been my inspriation for this fanfic, and because things have changed, it's caused me to stop in the middle of this fanfic...so what I am going to do is post all of the chapters I have written, and MAYBE, just maybe, I might finish it in spare time...I'm not sure yet....
sooo here's chapters 5-7


(read previous chapters here: http://www.polyvore.com/1d_fanfic_alone/collection?id=2587392 

CHAPTER 5
I carried on with my crappy life day after day, night after night…and things, for some reason were starting to get better… I sat on my bed doing school, when I heard my name being called by my dad in the living room.
“Kassidyyy!” he yelled… he was awfully cheerful....weird??
“Yes?” I asked, sitting down on the couch.
“Guess who started smoking again.” He said.
I went through a small list in my head of who I thought it could be guessing.
He kept saying no to all of the people I listed, and the cheesy smile on his face got bigger, and bigger…
“I don’t know! Who?” I asked, laughing at how dorky he looked.
“Me” he replied, still with the stupid look on his face.
“Whatever!” I laughed. “Really, tell me who! I wanna know!”
“Me” he said…no this…he can’t be serious. Slowly the smile snuck off his face…
“I started smoking again.”
I ran off to my room, tears drowning my eyes. How could he do this to you again? Why would he do this to me again? Yeah I know what you might be thinking. “Oh wow, smoking, big deal. Grow up”, but no that’s not the way it is for me. I hate him smoking. Like really do you know what’s in that stuff? Just an example: Rat poison! So my dad’s sucking rat poison along with a LOT of other poisons into his lungs, and that’s not even the half of it! I mean seriously! Why would you do that?! …Again was the key word though… See, dad used to smoke, but eventually, after about five years of trying to get him to quit, he was done with it. Forever…at least I thought… it was so hard to get him to stop, but it happened. I remember being so proud of him, and happy when it was all over with. Smoke free. I thought to myself…Well I was wrong… And I get it…people smoke, but why? I mean I really don’t want my children to have to listen to their grandfather talk through a tube. (I am not trying to offend anyone who is or knows someone that has to talk through a tube, and if you did get offended I am truly sorry). 
*sigh*
Wow… I really have a lot of crap going on right now…and I just don’t know what to do with myself…I can’t go to Lucas, because we all know how that turned out so…Again, here I am…alone.


A/N:
Hey! Thanks for reading!(: (sorry if the whole tube/smoking section offended anyone, I really am)…
Anyways, more interesting stuff coming up soon!!(:


UPDATE:
I really just can’t take it right now… there’s so many things, that are just happening all at once, and I can’t handle it on my own… I really need somebody…My nights are getting worse. I’m getting less sleep because of my emotions and stuff that goes on at night….It’s getting bad…


CHAPTER 6
‘Oh not again’
I thought to myself…’Not tonight…not again’…. I layed there in bed, letting my thoughts defeat me. 
‘Too fat. Ugly. Worthless. Never enough. Always behind. Awkward. No friends. Disconnected. Too many flaws. Not pretty…but most of all…alone.’

These thoughts went through my mind every.night. and it was getting worse. I needed a distraction…but what?
I thought about it…I really thought about it…but….I was scared…I didn’t want to kill myself…I just wanted something to distract me… I didn’t do it…Instead I took my nails and dug them, deeply into my skin. I know… not that much…but it was enough to get my mind off things….for a while at least…This happened a couple more nights…Sometimes I would pop the rubber-band on my wrist, or sometimes I would use the corner of a piece of cardstock until it got dull…whatever I could to distract me….

A/N:
Ohhh things are getting interesting-ish (I hope) nowww….


CHAPTER 7
Nothing much happened the next month…same old, same old…nothing much to tell, that is until I got a random text from Lucas one night.
‘heyy kit-kat(: whatcha doin?’
Whoa…since when do we talk to each other?
‘hey! Nothing much really…how about you?’ I replied…not really knowing what to say.
‘oh nothing just talking to people and stuff like that.’
I was so curious…I just had to ask him…it was actually quite suspicious…
‘oh that’s cool…soo im not trying to be rude, but why are you all of a sudden talking to me? Im just wondering because we hardly talk anymore.’
‘oh well you know…have you heard Why Am I the One, by Fun.’
‘yeah it’s a really good song…what about it?’
‘Well…it makes me think of you…especially the part where it says “Hold you like I used to, to know that I am home, so darling if you love me would you let me know?”’
WOW?! What the heck was I supposed to say to that??! He doesn’t even talk to me anymore! And he expects me to go out with him?! He completely ignores me, and he asks me this?! Why the-… who does he think he is? To treat me like that and then ask me out OVER TEXT and expect me to say yes…wow…
‘oh..well I don’t really know what to say…I mean I really like you as a friend, but I just think it should stop there…I’m sorry:/’
Of course he replied with the whole okay :( sad and pitiful look…but it was an act…it was all an act…

A/N:
Oh-hoo-hoo better be ready for some anger in the next chapter !!;) 


This isn't all the chapters, but I didn't want to post them all in one set, and there are new characters and stuff so....but they will all be posted today.

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