Of course I had a hard time choosing quotes...
Michael Kelso: [shouts] Ooooh! Burn! That's a burn about a burn! That's a 2nd degree burn!
Red Forman: Why is our house always infested with kids?
Steven Hyde: [about backward messages on rock records] That's not the devil, it's Congress. They passed a law to put secret backward messages in our records, man. They wanna kill rock and roll because they know it makes us horny, man.
Jackie Burkhardt: Donna, sex is how we control men. If they know we like it as much as they do, we'll never get jewelry again.
Donna Pinciotti: Jackie, I went on the pill.
Jackie Burkhardt: Oh, my God. You are going to be so popular.
Michael Kelso: If this van's a-rockin'... we're in there doing it.
Michael Kelso: College is for ugly girls who can't get modeling contracts.
Donna Pinciotti: No, college is for women who don't wanna marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard, moron children
Fez: You know Jackie, if you're in the market for a new lover, they say once you go Fez, you never go back. In my language that rhymes.
Michael Kelso: Fez, unfortunately there are some people in this world that are gonna judge you on the color of your skin or your funny accent or that girly little way you run. But you know what? You're not alone. Why do you think the martians won't land here? 'Cause they're green, and they know people are gonna make fun of them!
Kelso: So! Jackie. You wanna go see Star Wars tonight?
Jackie Burkhardt: God, Michael, I told you. I don't like space.
Fez: I am so excited about Star Whores.
Steven Hyde: Fezzy, man... Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that.
Eric: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Red Forman: Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you? is because you're a dumbass.
Red: Eric, if you don't want to wear your ass for a hat, you'll get up here, pronto!
Donna: You better go. You know how that ass- hat screws up your hair.
Red: For God's sake, Kitty, I'm not Santa Claus.
Kitty Forman: Well, thank God you're not Santa Claus, Red. You scare the hell out of children.
Red Forman: [looking in bag of pot] Is this what I think it is?
Michael Kelso: If you mean paprika, then yes, sir!
Kitty Forman: Honey, paprika is red.
Michael Kelso: If you mean green paprika, then yes, sir!
Leo: I met God one time on a bus. He told me the meaning of life and gave me a pretzel.
Steven Hyde: So, what's the meaning of life?
Leo: ...I don't remember... but it was a pretty good pretzel.
Leo: [Leo and Hyde playing Battleships] B3!
Steven Hyde: Hit! Damn, you sank my battleship!
Leo: You know a well-maintained fleet is the backbone of any military structure, and with your floating arsenal depleted, your troops are likely to suffer some serious collateral damage.
Steven Hyde: [confused] Huh...
Leo: Hey, you know what, man? I think I might have been in the Navy!