1. Tell them they must have the wrong number, only god lives here
2. When they call back, Tell them this is the devil’s residence
3. Tell them she/he can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days.
4. Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock.
5. Start telling them your life story
6. Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live
7. Reply to all their questions in song
8. Ask for someone who can translate pig Latin, as you speak no other language
9. Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house (under 5)
10. As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly
11. Start trying to give them a psychological analysis
12. Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopsticks
13. Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning
14. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today
15. Describe your socks in detail
16. Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster
17. Whiningly tell thing that it is past your bedtime
18. Midway through the conversation say, "oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?"
19. Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes
20. Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM!
21. Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong
22. Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more
13. Burst into tears when they try to hang up and scream "Don’t leave Me!"
24. Tell them about the time when you got stuck in the doggy door
25. When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally
26. Proudly explain that they are the first person that you have spoken to since you return to Earth
27. In the middle of the conversation start humming the sesame street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, "Is someone there?"
28. Begin snoring
29. Gleefully explain that "they" have come for you and that you are going to a better place
omg this is so funny!!!