"What the h.ll were you thinking?" I asked John Mayer. We were currently discussing his Playboy interview.
"I need to stop taking pills with names that are palindromes: Xanax, H-Coninoch, Lipilipil, Seresiseres XR, Odin's Fury."
I looked at him and laughed. "Odin's Fury? How do you get that?"
"Even if I knew where to buy Odin's Fury - and I don't - but even if I did, I'm just saying my guy Corey is away in Nashua, NH."
"You do realize you have some angry fans," Mic stated.
"I'm using today for looking at myself under harsh light, I think it's time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews-"
"Forget all that. I wanna know why you and Jennifer Aniston are over."
"Twitter," he replied simply.
"Twitter?" Mic questioned.
"Yes. I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life."
"So how is your sex life, with your racist d.ck and all?" I asked.
"I curious myself," Mic chimed in.
"It's become an endless loop of girls rejecting me. Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!" he chuckled.
"So I guess you masturbate a lot huh?" I asked propping one elbow on the table.
He gave another laugh. "Yeah."
"I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes."
"Barbie over there masturbates a lot too." I laughed at the expression on Mic's face.
"Barbie!" I mocked her. I turned my attention back to her. "Honestly, looking at her you wouldn't know she's a real freak."
"This coming from the girl who let everyone watched her get f.cked at Laser Tag," Mic scoffed.
"I was drunk," I shrugged my shoulders.
"Do you need a girl friend. I've been trying to get her off my back since this morning."
"Gee thanks. Now you're pimping me."
"Like you did with Carson. And let's not forget Godric," I shuddered at the mention of his name.
She gave me a questioning look. Then as if she suddenly remembered, she doubled over laughing.
I ignored her laughter and looked at John, "Do you want her?"
"I'm might not be his type?"
"What's your type?" I asked.
"Aren't we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don't they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn't that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?"
"Joshua Tree vaginas?" I looked at Mic who shrugged her shoulders. "Well I don't know what Josha Tree has to do with vaginas, but Barbie is single and ready to mingle," I giggled.
"Toast to...to...Shit I don't know. Hell toast to me," I giggled as I threw my shot back. So here we were, Cher, Mic and myself, getting wasted off our arses.
"Okay Mic, what about him?" Cher asked. We looked to see where she was pointing.
"Not my type," she answered flatly.
"Hmm," I said as he walked by, "he seems like a good screw."
"You can screw him then," Mic offered.
I looked her, "Okay." I stood up. "Be right back." I headed in the direction he was going. I followed him all the way to an empty table. I took the seat across from him.
"Well hey." He seemed a little surprised.
"Hey," he quirked one eyebrow.
"Lyric," I offered my hand.
He accepted, "Jeff."
"Well my friends and I wanted to know if you would like to join us.
"I waiting on a friend."
"He can come too."
"It's a she," he smiled.
"Oh. Well, she can come too." I giggled.
"Ahh, here she is. Viv, this is Lyric. Lyric Viv."
I looked up to see a beautiful brunette. I cocked my head to the side, "The Velvet Airplane Rockets."
I looked at Jeff then back to Viv, "Well, welcome to DRC."