@gracethebadger Saying goodbye isn't so hard.
There were many times last year that I’ve wanted to see you again or hear your voice again. Even though things have changed, I couldn’t help but still miss your company or the happiness that you brought me in the small time that I thought I really knew you. But, I’m not the same person I was two years ago. I’ve grown to realize that meeting you was a mistake.
When you were in 5th grade and I was in 6th, I didn’t really notice you at first. I talked to Mitch a lot on the bus, so that’s how I started talking to you. When the time came for ‘adoption’ I adopted you, Mitch and Amanda. Even though, throughout the year, I ‘disowned’ many people. But I always kept you. A lot of people wondered why, sometimes I even asked myself why I bothered talking to you. But after a lot of thinking, I began to understand that I loved you.
Now, this wasn’t like a love where you go out with someone. But it was the love where you felt like one person, a unity. When you were happy, I was happy. When you were sad, I was sad. God, I care for you so FUCKING much. I loved and defended you as if you were my little brother. You don’t know this, but the day that Cain was teasing you, and you started crying, I pulled him aside and threatened to disown him. I saw the weak side that no one saw behind your so called conceit. I wanted to protect you so that no one else had to see that side of you again.
This is where your brother comes in. 7th grade, the year of living hell for me. Even though I missed everyone in Quest, I missed you the most. I met Tyler, and saw the arrogance he expressed towards girls. I spent all of 6th grade trying to change you into someone like Reece for Mitch, anything but Tyler. I’ll admit I fell for him; I fell so hard that I couldn’t possibly get back up. I felt terrible for the feelings towards Tyler. He was your brother, and so, I felt like I was betraying you. So, I stopped liking him and went on with my life. If I didn’t have you in my mind, I’d probably be so hurt by Tyler.
Over the summer, I learned something about you. You are EXACTLY like your brother, you changed into him. I thought I disappointed you, I failed you, Stone. I felt like a sick person for letting you turn into Tyler. I planned to kill myself. If I couldn’t help the person I loved so much, I didn’t have the right to live. I didn’t deserve it. This shit that went through my mind, was all because of the mistake I made with you, and I’m so sorry.
But I got over the feeling of guilt. I found out that it wasn’t my fault. It was yours. There was no way I could have done anything to change the course you were about to take. You used me, Stone. You knew I couldn’t ever say no to you. Tricking me into doing your work, whatever made you happy, it was what you planned all along.
Now, you push away your Quest friends, including me. Are you trying to forget the past? Forget all the sins that you have done? You think that it’ll work, but that just won’t work this time. I’ll always remind you of where you came from, no matter how much you change, you’ll get what you deserve, I promise. Switching schools, ignoring my friend request and not answering my texts won’t change how I now feel about you now, disgusted.
Because of you, I was able to have the best friend that saved my life, and I thank you so much for that. The memories that we shared were unforgettable. But, after realizing what you have done to me, I was so damaged that I couldn’t have guy friends for such a long time. I didn’t want to get hurt or used by anyone like you did to me. Stone, I am not the person I used to be. So, it’s time to say goodbye to a friendship that was memorable, but was also harming me too.