Dolores “Lola” Gremory
Lola is the personal secretary of someone very important. Who? Well, she would love to tell you, but it seems you haven’t filled out and submitted form 66F. Sorry about that. What is certain is that she is a self-assured professional who appreciates the finer things in life, like art, classical music, and offal. Unfortunately, such culture is in small supply in Allgood Springs, and her snarky, haughty demeanor often leaves people cold. She is always accompanied by a faint and peculiar smell, something in between burnt matches and oleander blossom. She works at the DMV (although, no one in Allgood has actually ever received a driver’s license or been into the DMV) and has an ongoing rivalry with Evangeline, though Evangeline doesn’t seem to know it.
Model: Sui He
• Lola is the Infernal half of the town’s “Eternal Bureaucracy.” Every town has a few agents, walking around, suggesting that people donate to charities or leave crumbs in the butter, depending on which team they work for. They’re usually run by much lower-staffed demons and angels, but unfortunately for Lola, the Boss told her, half a century ago, that something big was going to go down in Allgood Springs and they would need the keen eye of a demon like her. As time has passed and Lola has had the opportunity to assess her Divine counterpart, she’s beginning to wonder if she hasn’t been sent to Allgood as a punishment.
• Even though Lola is Team Brimstone, she is sedate and predictable. She’s never sewn anything, let alone the seeds of chaos, and relies strongly on a set of fairly reasonable rules. ~Some~ people cannot say the same. Not to name any names. Eva.
• Back home, Lola is a Duke* of Hell with twenty-six legions of lesser demons under her command. If you see any number of interchangeable, waifish young men following her around holding manila envelopes or extra pens, it is likely that these are some of her legionnaires from Legion 7. She can usually only keep them for a week or so at a time before the Boss makes her give them back. Unfortunately, legionnaires from other legions often show up en masse at inconvenient times. Anyone remember the scorpion infestation of ’02?
*as angels (and therefore demons) are technically sexless, regardless of the sex of their human form, all titles are in the masculine
• Many things irritate Lola: people, vegetables, when people ask her if she smells something burning, when her minions leave crumbs in the butter, The Bee Gees, disco in general, flash floods, vague instructions, Evangeline, when her black clothes don’t fade to the same shade, slang, the word “slang”, when people ask her if she isn’t hot wearing an all-black suit in the desert, anything untidy, encyclopedias, and Allgood Springs in general. Only two things really frighten her, however. The first is, of course, the Boss. A close second is how even she can’t explain so many things that happen in Allgood Springs. If they’re not in the Infernal or Divine plans…whose plans are they?
• Both Lola and Eva are extremely interested in the Waitstills because their land-enriching rituals are very, very naughty, but also done, wholeheartedly, in the name of Team Pearly Gates. Lola wonders if they might not be the big issue that the Boss wanted her to look out for. Then again, in a town like Allgood Springs, it’s pretty difficult to decide what sort of strange events to focus on.
• You probably shouldn’t sign any paper that Lola hands you. Unless it’s an official DMV form. Please disregard the fact that the DMV is just a huge empty building with only an oaken desk and two chairs in the dead center of the room and a set of dark stairs descending into blackness behind it. Lola certainly doesn’t live underneath the DMV. Don’t be ridiculous.
• Lola is a bowling champion and the head of Allgood’s best bowling team, the Holy Rollers. If you would like to join her team, please fill out form 74 and leave it under a rock in the parking lot.