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lexi cole - near wild heaven
9/8/11
goin' down - the pretty reckless
* * *

I dialed Alaska’s familiar number. It was time we had a real talk, I decided. I couldn’t keep on living like this – wondering how she was, what she was feeling – I felt extremely guilty. She answered on the third ring just before the answering machine picked up. “Hello?”

“Hey it’s Lexi,” I said into the phone trying to steady my voice.

“What’s going on?” She asked. It almost sounded carefree but I knew it was anything but that. Things between us weren’t the same as they were before. Before the babies, the fight, the suicide, the pregnancy, everything. I wished with my whole heart to get that before back but I knew that the babies wouldn’t be here if I did. 

“Do you want to come over to see the babies today?” I asked her. They were sleeping now, but hopefully by the time they woke up she would be here. They were here godchildren after all, and, in a way, a little part of her. As much as I hated that part, it was there. 

Al hesitated for a second and I knew she was thinking about how much it would hurt her to see them. It broke my heart because I knew I would hate me too if I was in her shoes. “Um, yeah, I guess so. Can Jay come over too?”

“Of course,” I breathed, thankful that she had agreed. I didn’t know how I would take it if she refused. “They’ll be up soon so just come over whenever.”

I hung up the phone and went upstairs to get dressed – I was still in my pajamas at noontime. I could have gone for a nap but I thought this was more important. As much as they kept me up, I loved them to bits. “Alaska and Jay are coming over. Is that alright with you?”

“Sure,” He mumbled, staring at his computer screen. I sat down on the bed next to him but he ignored me. 

“Where are you, David?” I asked, my voice barely audible. He looked at me; those blue eyes pierced my own. 

David leaned over and kissed me. “I’m right here, Lex. Don’t worry.”

I nodded even though I was still worried. They said that having children put a strain on relationships and I was definitely feeling that. By the time I gathered my composure, I was neither dressed nor ready for company but Al and Jay pulled into the driveway. 

Lindsay opened the door just as I ran down the stairs. “Hey guys. Here to see the munchkins?” 

Al smiled. Jay’s arm was around her waist. It seemed like they were always clinging onto each other for support, and they probably were. “Yep,” 

“I’ll go get them. I think I heard Av crying anyway.” Lindsay said and trotted up the stairs past me. I heard her open the door to the nursery and coo to the babies. She was so good with them.

“Hi,” I said, almost avoiding their glances. Jay forced a wave and Al forced a smile. I sighed. “Can we not do this? Please? I just want everything to go back to normal.”

Jay’s face hardened. “We’re here to see our goddaughters, Lexi, and that’s all.”

My heart sunk. I turned away from them, willing myself not to cry. Lindsay came down the stairs with a baby in each of her arms. She noticed my face and mouthed the words, ‘Are you alright?’ I nodded and blinked a few times. 

Jay took Avery in his arms and Al took Alison. They looked so happy with children – they would have made the best parents in the world. 

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Linds spoke for me, wrapping her arms around my waist, hugging me close. What would I do without my sisters? I honestly didn’t know at this point in my life.

They both sat on the couch and we followed them, sitting in chairs across from them. Rose ran down the stairs with a few of her toys and jumped up onto my lap. “Lex, look at my dolly. Isn’t she pretty?”

“She’s beautiful, Rose, just like you.” I said with a smile. Al looked at me, fierceness in her eyes. I kissed the top of Rose’s head and focused my attention onto the doll. 

Avery started to cry and Jay stood up, gently bouncing her up and down. He was a natural. I looked at Al whose eyes were now filling with tears. “Look at you,” She croaked out. “You’re great with her.”

“Al, don’t do this.” Lindsay warned, knowing that a fight was brewing. “Please not right now. There are children in the room.”

“You’re right, there are. Three children and they all belong to Lexi. And you know how many I have? None. Because that b-tch took them away from me!”

Rose snapped her head up. “Rose honey, go upstairs with Momma.” I said and focused my attention back to Al. “Why are you doing this?”

“We would have made great parents, Lex. We would have been just as great as you are. But you had to ruin everything didn’t you? You’re so f-cking selfish.”

“Alaska!” Lindsay stood up, fighting my battle for me. I admired her so much. She was twenty years old and knew way more about anything than I did. “She had a miscarriage and you’re going to try to say that she’s selfish? How dare you? She’s been through hell and back just to get these two beautiful babies and you’re doing everything in your power to make her regret it. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just let us be happy for once?”

“What about me?” Alaska cried. “When do I get to be happy?”

“I don’t know,” Lindsay said. “But you need to figure that on your own. I think it’s time for you two to go.” She took the baby from Al’s arms and Jay handed me Avery. He didn’t look at me but took Al’s hand and left. 

I looked at Lindsay who was bouncing Alison who was fussing from the uproar. “I thought things were finally good again,” I said, my voice hoarse. 

“They will be,” She said. “Just give it time.”

I honestly couldn’t see how time would do anything to solve this. 

* * *
Comment 'back to this' if you read! :) @curious-and-young I know we didn't plan this at all but I thought it made it interesting hehe.
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