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21st December 2012.

"Not drinking tonight?" Dean asked his red Santa suit falling down slightly revealing a Joy Division shirt. "If anyone should be drinking it should be you Cohen." he said wagging a bottle of Jack Daniels infront of my face.

"Yeah no thanks mate." I said laughing , we were currently sitting in the backyard area. Well i was sitting on the table and Dean was standing smoking his cigarette.

"You really are no fun. Christmas is a time for getting drunk." He said flopping back onto the garden chair letting his bottle rest on the ground.

"Really i thought Christmas was about spending time with your family and giving and stuff." I said teasingly as he rolled his eyes "Maybe for a spoiled little girl like you but for me it consist of getting told of by dirty little kids who like to pee and vomitt on you."

"Okay than Santa." I said teasingly smirking a little at him. Dean scoffed covering his eyes with one hand and taking another drag of his cigarette. 

"So i know why i am out here but i don't get why you are." Dean said smoke covering his face. I rolled my eyes before pulling my jacket tighter.

"Well tell me why you are out here and i will tell you why i am." I said causing him to sit up. "You are kidding right? You know exactly why i am out here."

"Is it because you smell like children's vomit and pee?" I asked innocently swinging my legs back and forth againist the table.

"You are a mean person you know that." Dean commented smiling a little. I shrugged with a little hmph "I am out here because you stupid sorioty house has a no smoking rule. What bullsh.t"

"Oh right." I said pretending to only just remember it "It's because none of us want to die of lung cancer. Perhaps you should stop , It would make you healthier."

"You sound like a Bupa insurance add. Meet the healthier you." He said in a mock female voice. "So why are you out here Cohen? I don't see Liam in there so you aren't avoiding him."

"Ha." I said rolling my eyes "I just..." I began wondering how to explain this. "Everyone is waiting for me to fall apart." I said.

He nodded "They are worried about you."

"Yeah but it is just... everyday my friends look at me waiting for me to fall to pieces. It's like they want me to me break down." 

"You are though aren't you." Dean said taking a swig of his Jack Daniels.

"No i am fine." I said a little frustrated. I honestly hoped he wouldn't be like that , i kinda just wanted some not to care. I just wanted some one who would treat me like nothing had changed.


"I'm fine Dean honestly. I am not one of those stupid girls who's lives revolve around their stupid boyfriends." I said my voice sounding much shaky than before.

"Yeah that sounds like you are completely fine." He said sarcastically.

"You know what you." I said getting up off the table and heading inside.

I am in complete control of my life.

I am not breaking down over a stupid boy.

I am fine.

"You okay?" I looked up and saw that i had crashed into Shay. I nodded "Yeah just need some air." I lied , trying to give her a small to reassure her what i was saying was true.


I nodded moving away and heading to the front door. I had no idea where i was going to go , I just needed to be alone. To not have someone telling me how i should be feeling.

I stopped sitting on the cool bench at the front of the house. I sighed burying my head in my hands.

"Hey." I looked up frowning slightly.

"Ally is somewhere inside probably waiting for you." I said to Scott who nodded "Can i sit?"

"Why?" I said wrinkling my nose as he sat down anyway. "So how are you?" He asked looking over at me. I shrugged "Fine." 

"That is what Liam says." Scott commented starring straight ahead. "I am allowed to say his name right?" he asked turning to look at me.

I laughed a little "Yeah you can call him whatever you want Scott." 

"Okay cause some girls treat their ex's like Voldemort." he said , I winced at the word ex. That was what we are now Liam was my ex and i was his.

"Yeah well i don't think Liam wants to kill all the mudbloods so we are good." I joked. 

"Are you really okay?" he asked again. I sighed "Did Liam tell you why we broke up?" I asked my throat tightening slightly.

Scott nodded "Yeah."

"Well then do you think i'm really okay?" I asked quietly. Scott looked down saddly before squeezing my shoulder and getting up. "He is sorry you know that right."

"Yeah i know." I said with a small smile "You should go in , you don't want some grabby frat boy trying to steal your girl Scott." I commented. 

He nodded looking at me sadly before walking off into the house. 

The truth was hearing that Liam was sorry or that he was upset didn't make me feel better at all. It didn't feel me with hope that we would find a way back to each other or anything dumb and idealistic like that. No it made me feel angry, what right did he have to feel bad. He was the reason all of this was happening.

He was the one who let other people get between us.

He was the one that kissed someone else.

It was his fault.

It wasn't fair.

22nd December 2012.

"And done." I said quiet proudly as i looked at my luggage. I had finally had everything packed and ready to go. It had been a two hour effort but i was finally ready to go home.

"Aria why is Dean asleep on our couch." Grace said braging into my room. She stopped taking in my appearance. "You look unusually normal for this time of day." She yawning slightly, I looked over at her , she was still in her pj's and slippers.

"It's 9.30." I said "That isn't that early."

"It is the day after a party when you don't have classes." She said yawning once more. "Is this post break up thing because if so i prefer Clover's Taylor Swift method."

"Yeah i don't do Taylor Swift." I muttered "But no this is an Aria is packing thing,.

"Why are you packing? You aren't running away because Liam." She stomping her foot a little "Cause if so one you are a stupid, sorry hon it is way to early for me to sugar coat it and two i can hurt him." she said scrunching her fist up and hitting her other hand while wiggling her eyebrows.

"I am packing cause i am going back to home for the holidays." I said laughing a little. "So there is no need to threaten anyone."

"Well -" She started before frowning slightly " holidays giving you an excuse to run away from your problems." she said sitting on my bed now.

"Christmas why are you so cruel." I teased , she rolled her eyes "So yeah back to main point why is Dean down stairs asleep on the couch?"

"I honestly have no idea." I answered slightly amused before remembering a slight argument last night "Maybe he passed out last night?"

"Maybe." she said thinking. "You know i think Dean is cool and stuff." she said , I raised an eyebrow asking her to continue "But do you think maybe , don't take this the wrong way that he is kinda taking advantage of your break up?" she asked.

"No i don't think so. He seems surprisingly cut up about it." 

"Mhm." she said before frowning. "Just don't move on to quick." , It was my turn to frown now. "Grace i am not some stupid" I snapped , i didn't mean for it to come out like that. "What i mean is what Liam and I had -I am not just going to move on from that quickly." I answered.

She nodded before getting up "I'll wake Dean up. As long as you give permission to do it however i please."

"Your going to throw freezing water on him aren't you?" I said smirking. She looked offended "Me do something like that. Never." she said the corners of lips curving into a smirk.

"Have fun."

"I will."

A few minutes later i heard an a very familar voice with an irish accent use every curse word under the sun. 

"Everything okay?" I asked walking down to say Dean rolling around on the floor while Grace was giggling in the kitchen. 

"You need to mop that water up by the way Dean." I said walking past him into the kitchen grabbing myself a glass of orange juice.

"What was with all the screaming?" Cloe said coming down the stairs. 

"Long story." Grace commented. "If you are my secret Santa i would like my present now." she said a big grin on her face. I had forgot that secret Santa thing was today. Luckily i had already given Saskia her present before she left for holidays with her fathers.

"So much for the meaning of Christmas."I said teasingly at Grace who just rolled her eyes "Shut up. I just like presents."

"I can see that." I muttered.

"I can't believe you let her do that to me." Dean commented frowning slightly. I shrugged "I wouldn't have been able to stop even if i wanted to which i didn't by the way."

"Still angry because i pointed out that you weren't okay huh."

"I'm not angry." I said quickly ,"I know how i feel and i know how to handle it." 

"Right i believe you." He said sarcastically.

"Why are you still here?" I asked curiously. He shrugged "Couldn't be f,cked walking home to be honest." he said , i laughed a little.

"Maybe you shouldn't have drunk so much?"

"Stop being an after school special please."

I rolled my eyes at him "Just don't go sleep with someones wife at Christmas cause i will be in New York and unable to help you."

"Dam.n there goes my plans." He joked. 

"Yeah i figured that was all you were going to do. Why don't you go home?" I asked causing him to look away. I am assuming it was a touchy subject.

"Not big on holidays."

"Right Well hopefully you find away to enjoy Christmas this year."I said before walking away back towards the girls getting ready to say goodbye , Leo would be here in twenty minutes so it was time to wish them all a merry Christmas.
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