you really got a hold on me - she + him
near wild heaven 2.0
isn't this depressing?
part one of many...
I bit my lip, pacing around the bedroom. I had been cooped up in here for nearly an hour, walking to the attached bathroom and the bedroom, occasionally sitting myself down on the un-made bed. Finally, a knock came at the door. “Al, you in here?” Jay walked in and took a few steps towards me. I felt like I was going to throw up.
“Hold on, wait – you can’t be in here. I need to call my sister,” I rambled off, pushing him out of the door and closing it quickly. “I’m sorry, I just… you’ll just see in a minute…”
Jay probably was standing behind the door, confusion washing over his face. I didn’t care to know, so I just plopped myself down on the bed and waited until I could hear him walk away and back down stairs. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Alston’s number. It rung barely once before she picked up. “Alaska!”
“Hey Alston,” I chuckled, glad to hear a familiar voice. I made sure that Jay was in fact downstairs before creeping out into the hallway. “I miss you,” I told her, crossing the hallway until I was standing in the door way of Rose + the babies’ room when they stayed with us. The walls and almost every other thing in there was pink and girly.
“I miss you too, hon.” She told me, whispering something to her son, Brady, in the background. I didn’t realize how much I missed them until they were actually gone back up to Boston. “Brady says hi and is wondering when you guys are going to visit. Paige wants to see you too, you know Sara turned six last month?”
Sara was Paige’s daughter and I had been a terrible, terrible aunt to her. I sighed heavily, sad that they were all up north and I was down here. As much as I loved Tree Hill, I missed my family. “I know, tell her the check’s in the mail, okay?”
Alston laughed. “Yeah, Al, I will.” We didn’t talk for quite a long time, just listening to the static between us. There were approximately seven hundred miles between us and the static of the dead phone line seemed to emphasize it even more so. It almost seemed sad and heat breaking, how much distance was between us. But then I remembered that the love of my life was just down stairs, probably wondering what was going on with his wife.
“So, um,” She spoke again. “Is there a specific reason you called? I mean, we never hear from you and now…” Alston drifted off, leaving me to finish the sentence. And god, I wanted to. But it didn’t feel right to say it out loud.
I started laughing for no apparent reason. Maybe it was the sheer shock of the situation or the fact that I was about the happiest person alive. “Yeah there sort of is… I just can’t tell you right now…”
“But you will know soon, don’t worry!” I said quickly. I could hear footsteps on the stairs and figured Jay was coming up to check on me again. “But um, Alston, I gotta go. You’ll say hello to everyone from me?”
I peered around the corner and without saying another word or letting Alston finish, clicked the ‘End’ button on the phone and shoved it in my back pocket and ran to the bedroom. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face and that sort of gave it away.
For whatever reason, I thought that Jay could tell just from looking at me. He opened the door and when I nodded, he stepped inside. “Were you talking to someone, Al?” Jay asked, shutting the door behind him and wrapping his arms around me.
It felt weird to be dancing around the bush, so to speak. I could hardly contain myself. “Oh, yeah, just Alston…” I told him, grinning.
“Oh yeah? How is she?”
I rolled my eyes. I really did not want to do small talk. I just wanted to be outright with Jay, but I felt like I shouldn’t be. I mean, this was life changing. And scary at the same time. This would change my whole life and I didn’t know if I was looking forward to that. I was afraid, plain and simple. “Okay, let’s just stop with the small talk Jay because I have something that I really need to tell you.”
And as if he could read my mind, Jay’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.
There was no way he couldn’t know.
But still, he inquired.
“I, um,” I began, my voice shaking a little bit. I shook my head and took a deep breath before talking again. “Jay,
we’re having a baby,” I spoke slowly, letting him absorb every word I said.
It felt like time went in slow motion.
Almost like a dream, like this wasn’t reality.
The cars drifted by outside at snail speed and the clock ticked by in an agonizing slowness. I took my eyes off of the floor to meet Jay’s, which were full of tears. “A-are you sure?”
“Like five pregnancy tests sure, yeah.” I laughed as Jay kissed me full on the mouth and lifting me off of the ground. Finally I was getting my miracle. A baby that would be all mine. All this time I had been waiting for something more and I had finally found it. Jay knelt down and lifted up my shirt, exposing my thin stomach. “Hi baby,” He whispered to it and then kissed it.
I felt like I was on Cloud Nine or something. This could be real.
Something this magical could not be happing to me, could it?
I didn’t know what to say, so I let the tears come and hugged Jay tightly, never wanting to let him go. I was thrilled but I was also sad. I thought that I being pregnant wasn’t fair to millions of people; Lexi, who couldn’t get pregnant, Quinn who had lost her children and Oli who had miscarried the first time. I felt just the tiniest bit selfish because I, of all people did not deserve something so magnificent.
But I promised myself and Jay and this baby that I would be a better person; a person that my son or daughter could look up to and want to be like. I wanted to be a good mother and a good wife and a good sister and a good friend, for all the people out there who had ever thought more of me.
“Jay?” I asked, sitting down at the table downstairs. “Do you want to live here forever?”
Jay perched his elbow on the table. “I don’t know, why? Tree Hill is home to us. I mean, if you want to move, we could.” He told me, giving me a half-smile.
“I just miss my family,” I said quietly, thinking of all of them in Boston, living a completely separate life from mine. I barely got to talk to them and when I did, it was ‘how is the weather up there?’ or ‘how are the kids’ or ‘we miss you!’ but nothing ever came from it. I was tired of living like that. “I just want to be able to see them any day I want. I want this baby to know her family,”
So we agreed to talk about it more in the morning.
Whether we were moving or not was still a mystery to me. But I knew if we did, Tree Hill wasn’t going anywhere. Tree Hill was home, and it would be for as long as I lived, /where/ever I lived. I didn’t think it mattered where I was, because Tree Hill was a constant for me. They said that there was only one Tree Hill and that was true – it had been true for years and it would be for years to come.
They say that this was the place where everything’s better and everything’s safe.
And that was ultimately what made me decide to stay in Tree Hill. Because this /was/ where I belonged. I had challenged that numerous times before and I had always been wrong. This was my home and this was the place to raise my baby.
Things would change,
Relationships would break,
Lives would be torn apart
But there was only one Tree Hill and it’s your home – I know that it’s mine.
Comment 'walk on the ocean' if you read! Tagging my loves @buds-over-studs @keziahh @little-miss-rae @have-a-little-faith-in-me @turn-around-bright-eyes @foreverandalways-jami @luxecouture