FRIDAY DECEMBER 31: It's New Years Eve! We're all driving down to the beach to shoot some fireworks, have a barbeque and of course a countdown. Grab a blanket and that special one to cozy up to and get into the New Year with all your special ones.
"I've missed this," I said, leaning against David's chest.
"Being with you," I answered before adding, "Without Avery."
"What do you mean?" He ran his hand through my hair.
"It's just, we barely got enough time together as it is and now whenever i'm free you're either working or taking care of her. I love her, don't get me wrong, but being with you is a lot different when she's with us."
"Well what do you want me to do Daisy?"
"Nothing. I was just saying, it's nice being with you alone for once," I looked up at the sky.
"Well i'm sorry i'm a father and i have responsibilites."
I pushed myself off of David and sat up, looking at him, "That's not what i meant."
"Then what did you mean?" He got up.
"I don't know. Just forget about it."
I sighed, "I don't want to fight. It's new years eve. Come on."
I was so fucking sick of this. It seemed like all we did was fight lately. Fight, makeup, and then fight again. It was an endless cycle that i absolutely hated.
"You're right...just forget i said anything."
I smiled, "Thank you."
"We will discuss this later though."
I groaned, "Why? What is there to discuss?"
"The fact that you don't understand that i have to take care of my daughter?" He said, it coming out as more of a question.
"Okay, i understand that and i completely respect it. I love you no matter what David and the fact that you have a kid has never bothered me, you know that. I love Ave like she's my own and i always will. All i'm saying is that...that i'm not happy," I finally admitted. For a few weeks now things hadn't been right. I'd tried pretending that everything was perfect and fine but it wasn't. It hadn't been for awhile.
"What are you talking about?"
"Things haven't been the same since we came to Boston. We're supposed to be getting married soon and we don't live together, we rarely see each other, and when we do we fight! I hate it."
"Daisy.....i don't even know what you want me to say right now."
I took a deep breath, "Say you love me and that you don't want to fight, say that you hate that we're not together every second like i do, say that all you want is to be with me, say that you'll do anything to make this right. Say something besides that you don't know. That's not going to work for me David," I shook my head. "I can't keep trying to hold us together without your help."
"I've been trying."
"How?!" I could hear my voice raise. "By insisting we get different places and that Avery move in with you?"
"She's my daughter Daisy! She's my fucking daughter, what do you want me to do??"
"Oh my god, i know! Okay?! I know that she's your daughter but that doesn't mean that i'm not your fiance! It doesn't mean that you can forget all about me," I screamed. "I need you and you're not even trying!"
"I am god dammit!" He matched my volume, yelling.
"Well it doesn't seem like it!" I got up, moving as fast as my feet could go. I didn't see anything as i just ran. I finally sat down when i was far enough from everyone. I sat down and just looked at the water. I could feel tears stinging my eyes but i didn't want to cry. I was better than that.
I turned my head to David, honestly suprised he'd followed me, "What?"
I shook my head, "That is not enough. Not this time."
"I'm trying, i really am."
"You need to try harder."
He crouched down in front of me, "I love you, i always will."
I smiled at him, a little sad. I knew that he meant it and that he did love me but that didn't mean that we were going to work out. "That was never the problem."
"What do you mean?" He looked confused.
"I know that you love me, i never questioned that. But, see, the thing is that people get married because their in love but that's not what makes the marriage last. To do that you need both of the people doing everything they can to make the other person happy and wanting the same things and knowing that whatever the other person does, they'll always be there for you. That's not us."
"Why don't you want to live with me?"
"What? Daisy, this has nothing to do with that." He looked confused.
"Just answer me."
"Because i just needed some space and-"
"Stop there. See, you need space. You need to be away from me. I can't marry you if you can't even live in the same house as me David. I can't marry you if you're going to need space every few months. I've tried and i can't be okay with that."
"You want to move in together? Fine."
I shook my head, laughing a little, he wasn't getting this, "No."
"I need you to want to move in with me when your ready and your not."
"No David, no you're not," I said and i could hear the countdown to midnight begin father down on the beach. We both stayed silent. Finally, they got to one, fireworks exploding into the dark sky. I looked at David and smiled. A bittersweet smile. "Happy new year David."
[if you read comment 'new year' sorry this is probaby so confusing and a mess!!]