dancin' on the legs of a new born pony. left right left right. keep it up son.

saturday, november 21st // the luxe ballroom
 
I was the leopard, see. Although it wasn't a masked ball, I added the mask to my costume for the mysterious feline effect. Proved to be effective, by the way: boys stared at me helplessly all night.
 
Several of the boys even had enough balls to ask me for a dance. I declined all of them, I was more interested in drinking wine. They didn't allow us to bring joints, so I smuggled some pills inside my clutch and swallow them with the exquisite-tasting wine.
 
The world was already a funny place when I started to dance at the dance floor. I remembered the boys were excited, some touched me, grinning lustful greens and staring with desiring eyes. I danced with some girls too, in my mind's eye they looked like faeries: glittering and joyful. A hand stroked my bosom, I was pretty sure it was a girl's hand, and I giggled. Then I kissed her.
 
It was a funny night. Silly, really. I had fun.

wednesday, november 18th // alleki's room
 
Poor soul. I've always thought of these ... these girls as attention-seeking, with all their whimsicality and soul-tortured personality. I've always thought these quiet, self-cutting girls as really fucked-up, in a disgusting way. They always took too much drug and spent too much time alone, doing God-knows-what. But now I can feel only pity, sympathy, empathy.
 
I don't relate to them, not at all. But seeing Alleki lay helpless on her own bed, broken femur and all, made me think. There must be a strong reason, until they act the way they act, a cause to their behavior. All these -I used to think of them as "weirdos"- people. Sapphire. Alleki. Chime. Femme. Clemence. The majority of us.
 
Most of the girls were crying when we saw Alleki. Not me, though. Sapphire did not, too, and Heather, I noticed. But a foreign feeling tugged my heart, what an unpleasant feeling it was. A pain so cold and suffocating. I felt sorry for Alleki, really.
 
I hoped she will get well soon.

tuesday, november 17th
 
As I might had said before, I was staying at a mansion on Devonshire, preventing unwanted events which might involve my family, the Luxe estate, and opiums. My stay at the Duke's mansion had been pleasant so far, everything is served, except for illegal drugs. Don't think I abandoned the Luxe estate entirely, I still come to the girls' gathering events at the Luxe estate such as last night's feast for Femme or the roulette games or the truth-or-dares, my social status needed to be maintained, you know.
 
Last night's party held for Femme left me with utter exhaustion this morning, and a terrible headache. I remembered vaguely of an event in which I was making out with a girl in a dark, tiny space, and later (or before the making out thing, I wasn't so sure) I made painful love to a man. How I managed to get back to this mansion, I will never know.
 
I was having some fruit parfait as my breakfast today around 10 am, my head still spun a little. I hadn't put on any make-up and my hair was a shitty mess. Halfway through finishing my glass of fruits and milk, I heard the sound of a horse's gallop. Curious who it was, visiting me at this time of the morning (although it wasn't really early, it was just me waking up late), I took a peek from the dining room's window. Ohshitfuckfucketyfuck it was the Duke himself. Wearing only my slip dress and lingerie, I ran for the bedroom and put on a nightrobe. I hurried to the front door and opened the door.
 
The Duke was a man in his late forties, tall and handsome, yet not dark, not in the slightest sense mysterious, but warm and fatherly. Unlike what Sapphire implied, I did not sleep with the Duke. It would be like fuckingg my own father. He stood in front of the door, his hand was positioned to knock on it.
 
"Morning, Kaya," he said, a little startled by my abrupt door-opening.
 
"Morning, my Lord," I curtseyed. "Your visit surprises me, to be honest."
 
"Oh," he said, letting himself in, "don't let me bother you. I came only to see how you are doing." He gave his coat and hat to the butler and sat on the suede couch facing a delicately carved tea table.
 
I smiled, he's so nice. "I'll ask the maid for some tea, my Lord," I said.
 
//
 
hahaaaa random story.

cleaning up drafts. :(

sunday, 5th of november
 
{ woot sorry for the m.i.a.-ness. i just got back from singapore for an educational excursion. }
 
"I'm going to stay for a few days on a mansion owned by the Duke of Devonshire," I said to Heather and Skye, who were idly listening while we had our breakfast. "I'm not going to let my parents know about me living here, like what happened to that witless girl Uruguay. My parents are definitely going ga ga if they find out I've been spending away the money they sent me for the rent of my supposed-to-be house to buy opiums and heroins, and that I live at a cheap cost here."
 
"You know the Duke of Devonshire?" nosy Janey asked, out of nowhere. I wasn't even talking to her.
 
"He's a family friend, and I've been visiting him and his family a few times, yes," I explained.
 
"You're probably fuckingg him," Sapphire added.
 
I made a sound of disgust, "Unlike you, I'm not the kind of girl who will betray the hospitality of my friend. Goodness gracious."
 
Sapphire only laughed. The bitchh really turns my good mood off.
 
"Whatever, I am leaving," I said.

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tuesday, 10th of november // bedroom
 
Shivering. I was fuckingg shivering on the corner of my room. I sat on the fuckingg floor, hugging my goddamned knees, shivering like mad. I didn't mind the hardness of the cold wooden floor on my bottom, I didn't mind anything at all except my own fuckingg life. I had never been so scared in my whole life. A boy was murdered, in the woods.
 
Who knew I'd be so afraid of death? I had never even think about it. Now I know.
 
I didn't even knew the boy. I was new here; I've known most of the girls, but not the boy. They've told me his name, they've described him to me, and they've described his condition when he was found. I almost threw up. And it turned out that I knew him, not acquainted, just knew. I saw him a couple of times on the dining hall, a couple of times riding his magnificent Arabian stallion around the estate.
 
Fuckk it.
 
Rumor has it that Sapphire was the murderer. I believe it is so myself.
 
I cried at the thought. Must I stay under the same roof with a murderer?
 
God, I felt like such a coward.
 
A knock on the door burst my bubble of thoughts. "Who's there?" I asked. I wiped the tears on my face, thank goodness I wasn't wearing mascara or eyeliner.
 
"It's me, Noah."
 
"I don't know any Noah," I said. Puzzled, I stood up and went to the door. I opened it. In front of me stood the boy who raid my drawer yesterday. "What do you want?" I asked him.
 
"Can I come in?" he took a step forward.
 
I pushed his chest and shook my head. Nobody's coming in.
 
"I ... I just want to see ... whether you're alright or not. You see ... Have you heard about it?"
 
"I've heard about the murder alright," I said.
 
"Are you alright?"
 
"I'll be fine," I said. His eyes were lit with genuine concern, I guessed it would be a harmless thing to let him in. "Come on in, take a seat. I'll make some tea."
 
He surprised me by declining my invitation. "It's okay, I'd better get going."
 
"Don't you want some tea?" I asked nonsensically. Why wouldn't he stay?
 
He only smiled. And then he left.

monday, 9th of november // bedroom
 
{ sorry for being early but i'm going to singapore next tuesday, i'm trying to finish the sets for 9th and 10th today/tomorrow }
 
I screamed my lungs out when I got out of the bathroom, only covered in my towel, and seeing a boy raiding my lingerie drawer. I ran towards him and slapped his arm.
 
"Filthy little prick," I cried, "what do you think you're doing?" I slapped his hand again, harder.
 
"Ouch, stop hitting me," he stopped raiding and caught my arm.
 
"How dare you touch me!"
 
"Hey, chill. I just came to raid some of your fragrant panties," he said.
 
"How low! Gimme that back!" I tried to snatch the couple of lace panties on his hand.
 
"Whoa no way," he pulled them higher so I couldn't reach, "these babies are mine now, Kaya."
 
So he know my name. Hmm. I took an observing glance, so I would be able to recognize him in case I happen to meet the arsehole again.
 
"Grow up," I finally said. "Those are mine," I added coldly.
 
"Catch, if you can," he said before pulling the towel, which was previously wrapped around me, down and dashed off the room.
 
"Fuckk!" I swore loudly.

saturday, 7th of november // the luxe estate
 
"Miss Samantha is waiting for you at the drawing room, miss," my maid said to me.
 
I was putting on my gloves, getting ready for a meeting on town. "Samantha? Why does she want to see me?" I asked.
 
"She said she was trying to get the girls to learn proper manners, miss."
 
I hissed. I usually do that when I am pissed and I want everybody to know when I am.
 
"Miss?" my maid called.
 
"Tell that little -I can't believe I'm saying this dirty word- little shitty Samantha, that if she thought I need a manner lesson, she should get her head checked. And that she's probably as disturbed as Sapphire."
 
I stood up and got out of the room. I walked through the decorated hallways of the girls' wing, and through a grand double door to the lobby, and out the main door. A carriage was already waiting for me, I hopped in and went to Devonshire.