i close my eyes and see his face; i wish he was with me now.

stole the survey from nadiya. and i have nothing better to do.
 
1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
sure, why not?

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
holman.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
nope.

4. When were you on the be phone last? And with who?
couple hours ago. my mom.

7. What are you excited for?
seeing my grandpa tomorrow. and maybe the guy i like over thanksgiving break.

8. What were you doing yesterday?
school. drama. yuck.

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
my best friend emilly.

10. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
a chicken bake from costco. it was goooooooood.

11. Have a best friend?
yes.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
yep. i fall so easily.

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
yeah, sure.

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
conner. cause he's a stupid flirt and needs to stop creepin' on all the freshmen girls in drama.

15. What time is it right this second?
10:22pm.

What do you want right now?
a hug and a kiss from zoli :]

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
makena.

Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
single, but crushing really bad. i'm crazy 'bout this guy.

When was the last time you cried?
august.

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yeah. my entire family, actually. we're crazy close.

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
yeah.

22. How fast does your mind change?
really quickly.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
yeah. quite a few, actually. but several stand out prominently in my mind.

24. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
no, not really.

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
because putting forth the effort to actually do well would be useless in the long run.

26. Tell me what's on your mind?
why isn't zoli online?

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
auditions for OUR TOWN, maybe seeing zoli, my orchestra concert.

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
yeah. i dressed up convincingly as a guy for a play once.

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
ehh?

30. When is your next road trip?
not soon enough.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
kind of.

32. How's your heart?
well, i gave it away a while ago. i wouldn't know.

33. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
does right now count?

34. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
i wish

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
painting my nails.

36. Next time you will kiss someone?
preferably soon.

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
yeah.

38. Who do you not get along with?
boring or stupid people.

39. what does you 3rd recent text say?
"so hows it going?"

40. What are you wearing right now?
tank top. spandex shorts.

41. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
awkward. he's my ex.

42. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
it's been far too long.

43. What's your fave boy and girl name right now?
Hallie Anne for a girl. Damien for a boy.

44. How did you feel when you wake up?
tired. and i want to go back to bed.

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
yep.

46. Do you crack your knuckles
only when i've been writing for a while or when i'm in orchestra.
 
47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
sleeping.

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
AMS.

49. Whos the first B in your contacts?
Becca.

50. when was the last time you laughed really hard?
yesterday in my calculus class because my teacher started laughing so hard that he started crying.

51. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
of course.

52. Last awkward moment?
today.

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
yeah.

54. Do you have good vision?
yup. but it's really spazzy.

55. Have you ever kissed in the rain?
nope.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes. oh yes.

57. Are you irish?
i think....?

58. Do you use chapstick?
yep. i carry it with me everywhere. i freak out if i don't have it.

59. Do you have any scars?
yep. one on the back of my leg when i cut myself shaving recently. and scars all over my hands and arms and legs cause i'm a klutz.

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
yes.
 
61. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
NOOOOOOOOO :[

62. Name the last person to text you?
zach.

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
sure...?

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
right now?
yeah, but i'd prefer not to.

65. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
um, no....

66. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
the middle.

67. Whats the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
wake up? and then i'd probably be super excited.

68. Whats one huge pet peeve?
STUPID PEOPLE. GAHHHH. and when people are on facebook EVER.

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
yep.

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
yeah.

71. Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
yep. and then i refused to talk to him for the rest of the year.

72. Song you're thinking of right now?
skid row, from little shop of horrors.

73. Want someone back in your life?
oh, deffers.
 
74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
we can only hope.

75. What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
aqua. well, a light blue.

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
yep.

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
duhh.

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
yes. and unfortunately, he's not texting me back.

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
forced. i'm naturally a very pessimistic, sarcastic person.

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
ZOLI.

[not sure what happened with this set. started out as a doll-ish thing, but then i added the stuff behind it.... idk.]
[[layout creds to whoever did this first.]]
 
Colin held my hand as we walked. It wasn't quite about time for the sun to set, so it was still relatively warm. He brushed a piece of hair off my face.
"You're beautiful."
I smiled up at him. "As are you."
He shook his head. "No, Ell. I mean it. You're beautiful... I love you."
This wasn't the first time he had said the "l" word, but it was the first time I'd ever felt compelled to say say it back.
"I love you, too."
He pulled me around to face him. "Ell, I know I don't have much of anything to offer you... I'm not exactly rich, I'm not brilliant, but I love you. Will you..."
I was sure he was going to propose. I was sure of it. I started to nod.
"...play tag with me?"
I stopped. "What...?"
His face lit up. "You're it," he said, kissing me, before running down the sidewalk.
I giggled before taking off after him.

[[Friday: day to shop in town, Prague is famous for little vintage shops or avantguarde designers' stores. Find something original!]]
 
I tossed a pair of vintage Chanel flats at Illi. "Try these on. They're fabulous." Cream and black. Quilted. I only wish they were in my size.
 
She smiled as she slipped them onto her feet. "Ohmyword, Lovie. They're amazing!"
 
I giggled. Score number six for Lovie. I'd found her tons of stuff in this fabulous little vintage store, but I hadn't been able to find myself anything, let alone anything to wear to the dinner tomorrow. It needed to be fabulous. And... Well, I couldn't find that.
 
We had finished browsing through the vintage shop (she bought the flats! And I got... a top) and had walked into the adjacent shop, which looked to be a small, artsy boutique. The walls were wallpapered with a vintage, faded paper with a hot pink wall at the back of the store; fancy crystal chandeliers cast a dim light on the garments, lined up on racks.
 
I saw it, hanging on the back wall, and my jaw dropped. "Illi. That's the dress."
 
She looked around. "Where?"
 
And I pointed to the back of the store. "There."
 
It was absolutely perfect.

[i've been on this for like an hour and then my laptop is going to shut off! i swear tomorrow's set will be like 5903492384 times better.]
 
-lovie.

{pearl elizabeth fontaine}
Pearl is the party animal of Luxe. She makes every party wild, every dinner filled with gossip, and every poker match interesting. Pearl came from the incredibly rich Fontaine family, the second wealthiest of the socialites in Devonshire. Nobody knows how she ended up at Luxe, her story, or the ties she still holds with her family. All they know is she loves her endless blonde curls usually in the most fancy updos and styles of the century, her massive collection of beautiful pastel dresses, and ALL of the young men residing at Luxe.

[story later. workin' on a project.]
 
-lovie.
 
[ps- changing ian's model. he's now danny schwarz.]

Once upon a time
There was a princess
Locked away in a tower.
 
She didn’t know how to feel
She wasn’t sure how to love
All she knew was how to be lonely
And how to drive people away.
 
And one day
When the princess least expected it
A prince
Oh, a prince in shining armor
Tall, dark, and handsome
He came to save the princess.
 
And he did.
 
He crossed the moat
And slew the dragon
And defeated the wizard
And broke down the walls of the tower
Just to save her.
 
But for all his valiant efforts
For all his strength
And power
And bravery
The prince could not free the princess from what held her prisoner for so long…
 
Herself.

I close my eyes
I see your face.
I open them
But you're not here beside me.
Do you know how that feels?
 
Do you even know what you do to me?
Your smile...
It's like I can't hold myself up.
Your eyes...
I just can't even describe them.
And when you talk to me
I think back to that morning and that night
And how we talked about everything.
 
I want that back.
 
I've never wanted to be so close to someone.
Ever.
I've never wanted to be held by anyone but you.
I've never felt this way
And I've never fallen so hard, so fast.
 
And I can't bear the thought of you never feeling the same way.

I curled up on the single couch we had sitting in the living room of our new apartment. The wall, painted white, suddenly had an imposing feel; I felt like I was being suffocated.
Colin sat himself down next to me, holding my hand. "You wanna talk about it?"
I shook my head; he wrapped his arm around me. "I'm here if you want to."
I nodded.

I waved goodbye to my friend as she drove out of my driveway. I smiled as her truck disappeared around the corner of the street before I headed inside.
 
We had the day off tomorrow, for Veteran’s Day, so me and my two friends, Kelsie and Chad, went over to Chad’s house to watch a movie and hang out. Let me just say that Step Up was brilliant, and Channing Tatum is super hot.
 
I made my way up the stairs, taking extra care to be quiet, as it was 10:30; my mom was probably already asleep by now. As per usual, I turned on my laptop and then went into my closet to change my clothes and take off my shoes. When I logged onto Facebook, I saw that Zoli was on, so I sent him an IM.
 
Me: “Hey. What’s up?”
 
Zoli: “Hey. I’m slightly depressed.”
 
Me: “:( Why’s that?”
 
Zoli: “Because my girlfriend, well, ex, started dating someone else today.”
 
Unable to understand why he was so upset, I asked why that could be bad. I mean, why would he care if his ex was dating someone else?
 
Zoli: “Well, I logged onto Facebook today, and saw her status update. She said: ‘omg, today was so freaking amazing. I went over to ryan’s house and he gave me a rose. Best day of my life.’”
 
And it was then that I realized that he was talking about the emo/scene chick. The one he had been dating when I first met him.
 
Me: “Wait… what?! She just started dating another guy? While she was dating you?”
 
Zoli: “Yeah. Yeah, basically.”
 
Me: “That’s so awful!”
 
Zoli: “Oh well. It’s not the first time this has happened.”
 
Me: “That still doesn’t make it okay!”
 
Zoli: “It’s not like it matters.”
 
Me: “So? Just because it’s happened before does NOT make it okay. Even though I’ve been hurt by guys plenty of times before, even though my friends tell me a guy treats me like crap… That doesn’t mean it’s okay.”
 
Zoli: “That’s not okay. You shouldn’t let them do that to you.”
 
Me: “Exactly.”
 
He was silent and I knew I had won the argument.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ten minutes later, we were still talking and had somehow ended up on the topic of me playing cello and my orchestra concert in December. I had sent him the link to one of the songs we were playing; he loved it.
 
Me: “You should come to the concert and hear it in person! It’s so beautiful!”
 
Zoli: “You know, I think I will :)”
 
I proceeded to send him videos of other music that we were planning on performing for our concert; he loved it all.
 
Zoli: “I’m actually really excited for this now! It’s gonna be so good.”
 
I smiled at my laptop screen. I can’t wait for my next concert now.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
He logged a half hour later and, upon refreshing my screen, I saw that he had updated his relationship status.
 
Zoli was now listed as single.
 
Bring it on.
 

[if you read this all.... say something!]
[ps- this was tuesday night, the tenth!]