~Bon Iver, Blood Bank {gotta love Bon Iver.}

http://brunettesilhouette.tumblr.com

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SOOOO this is going up early because I can't stand it and I'm a mod so yeah... When we post parts I will tag those who are in! :)

The one that tried to kill herself
Rhyanne [Rhy, Annie] Holloway, 25 years old
Known as: "the girl who had it all"
• Biography: They say the higher you climb, the harder you fall right? Well, Rhyanne was at the very top. She was that popular girl that was friendly enough to have hundreds of friends, but snobby enough to only get close with a handful. Head of student council, valedictorian, champion lacrosse player, awarded pianist and singer, and all around golden girl, Rhyanne was everything her twin sister Emmeline wished to be. Rhyanne was always in the spotlight, always the favorite daughter, and basically the better half. That is, until college. Sophomore year Rhyanne met Mr. Hanson, her gorgeous physics teacher. She started seeing him, and no one knew. This went on until right before senior year. Rhyanne had fallen completely in love with an older, married man, and he broke it off when he thought people were finally getting suspicious. Rhyanne went out of control after that, her GPA dipping so low that she was forced to drop her scholarship, and she ultimately dropped college altogether, not caring to graduate. Without Mr. Hanson, whom she thought was her supposed soulmate despite the many guys trying to get her attention, Rhyanne believed there was no other option for her in life. So she slit her wrists and went all Virgin Suicides. Her older brother Connor found her because she was living in his apartment at the time, and he barely got her to the hospital before she lost too much blood. From then on Rhyanne lost her popular, perfect girl status. Everyone only knew her as the girl who tried to kill herself, and no one knew why. 
• Why she is returning to the beach house: Rhyanne has kept to herself ever since “the incident” and she’s jealous of all the good things now happening to Emmeline. She’s trying to be someone again, and she’s hoping being back at the beach will make people realize she’s more than just a suicide attempt. 
Occupation: Musician, when she can find work.
Relationship status: Single
Other notable relationships: older brother Connor [Colton Haynes], twin sister Emmeline [Emilia Clarke] @emmylou, and childhood-teenhood best friend Joshua [Max Irons]
Model: Felicity Jones
Taken by: @luxecouture

I coasted the car to a stop in front of the beach house, mindlessly gazing at the shutters, the way the screen door still looked broken but it wasn’t, the chipped paint on the worn steps, the “welcome” sign hung crookedly over the door. Everything looked the same and it made me feel like I could be who I used to be again. Nothing had changed.

I should’ve known better.

When I opened the door, Nate was there to greet me, but it felt strange. He felt strange. He didn’t look all that different but he wasn’t wearing that careless smile anymore and he looked at me like I was a girl he’d never known in reality, but seen somewhere, like in another life, briefly. I stared back at him, unable to say anything.

“Rhyanne… We… We didn’t know if you were coming,” he mumbled as I slipped inside, pulling my sleeves down further over my arms. I didn’t want them seeing the scars, even if we all knew they were there. They all just wanted to see me break. They just wanted to see how fragile I’d become. How mentally unstable I was. But no one could read my mind, not even Emmeline, and they didn’t know that all I wanted was for someone to say hi to me like I wasn’t a sort-of walking corpse. 

Instead the air turned to chalk and if I breathed it in, I could just taste their discomfort. I shifted my eyes around the room, challenging any of them. They used to be my best friends. We all had. But somehow, no one was talking to each other, no one was holding hands, no one was sharing a drink. It all looked wrong. We weren’t supposed to be here. We weren’t supposed to come back. You don’t come back to things that are perfect the way they were. When we’d left those ten years ago, things had been perfect. And now, when we’d come back to try to fix them after years of wear, they were impossible to mold back together. 

“Rhy,” Emmeline finally said, breaking the silence and falling away from her safety net of always being on the outside. I figured she’d gotten used to the spotlight now, in a different way than I had. She wrapped her arms around me, too gentle, and smiled against my cheek like she had missed me. I hadn’t seen her in a couple months I guessed it had been, but we’d texted fairly often. I think she only did it because she felt guilty. Not like Connor. He texted me because we were closer. My older brother, closer to me than my twin sister. Another thing that felt all too wrong.

“You guys look more like twins now,” Constance commented, studying us as Em broke away from me. I looked at her profile. We were fraternal, and everyone said it was obvious when we were little. Weird how now, when we were even farther apart than we had been, our faces matched more. Em probably hated that. What if she was confused for a girl who tried to kill herself? That would just put the /hugest/ damper on her celebrity status, I was sure. I pursed my lips, wondering if she was thinking the same thing. 

“That’s a compliment for one of you,” Nate said, trying to lighten the mood since he was the one who had invited all of us here. But no one laughed. Constance’s cheeks turned a pale pink and she shied away from us both, disappearing into the kitchen. A few of the others followed her, and I could barely see their faces so I didn’t know who they were except the redhead might have been Sienna and the tall white-blonde might have been Eric. Once they all gathered in the kitchen, a safe place, away from me, I heard some casual banter and a few snickers. A few whispers too. They were talking about.

“Did you see her clothes? She’s probably all bones under there.” 

“Wouldn’t be surprised. I heard when suicide doesn’t work, they try anorexia.”

“I wonder what they look like. The scars.”

“She still looked pretty.”

“There was a cut on her lip. Do you think she…?”

“Does anybody know why she did it?”

“I heard it was because she got her first B and her mom threatened her bank account or something.”

“No, it was because Em was getting more attention than her.”

“I can’t believe she actually showed up. Em’s probably having a fit.”

“Why did Nate invite her? It’s going to be so awkward…”

And on and on. Like I was invisible. Like I was deaf. Like I was mute and couldn’t retort or snap at them like I used to. We used to be friends, maybe enemies at times, but we’d always made up by the end of the summer. Now I was an awkward skinny figure who wasn’t welcome. I glanced back at Em, who was staring down at her phone, reading something.

“How’s the show biz?” I asked, just to hear myself and make sure my voice did in fact still work. “I still watch the show every week,” I added, just because I thought it might make her happy. “Connor does too, he just won’t admit it.”

She looked about to ignore me, then looked up. “That’s great, Rhy. Thank you.”

But she hadn’t heard me, not really. She was already dissolving into the rest of them, trying to forget I ever existed since at one point, I almost didn’t anymore. I was almost gone to all of them, and then we wouldn’t be here, being estranged and quiet. I listened to her breathing as she stood there. I willed her to say something, ask me how I was or something. But she didn’t. She just gave me a sad, sympathetic smile and turned away, toward Nate. I could hear her voice instantly brighten as they talked, and Nate seemed happier too. Everyone seemed happier without me. Maybe I had been wrong about coming back.

Outside the air was getting heavy, but I felt better outside where the tension fell away and the voices were almost inaudible. I found the old porch swing and sat down, half-smiling at its familiar creak. I touched the fraying ends of the cushion, closing my eyes. The beach house had always been my favorite. Em had always liked it because it was vacation, but secretly I knew she always felt left out. Everyone had always been hanging around me, asking me to go to Pava’s with them, challenging me to races down the beach. Em had been the one sitting in the sand, reading a book, alone. Now I was the one alone, and she was the one people wanted to talk to. They didn’t want to talk to the girl who’d gone from popular to post-suicidal. 

The air got cooler as my toes touched the water, and I pulled my sleeves down even farther, over my knuckles. A little girl and her mother were close by. If the woman saw the scars, she’d guide her daughter away. No one wanted to be near me anymore.

But there was always an exception. 

“Annie? Is that you?” A deep voice like dark chocolate asked incredulously from behind. 

I turned around slowly, half-expecting it to be Nate’s dad or something because he was always the one keeping the beach house in check, but I knew only one person ever called me Annie.

“Josh,” I whispered, allowing myself to skip a breath and grin. 

“Oh God, look at you!” He smiled widely, pulling me into a hug and twirling me around. We used to call it “helicopter.” 

When he let me go, I stood back and really looked at him. He looked older, better, stronger. His long wavy dark blonde almost brown locks were gone, replaced by a shorter cropped cut that accentuated his cheekbones, which I hadn’t noticed much until now. And his greyish eyes gazed down at me, along with his broad smile and long dimples. He was a lot taller than I remembered, and when he looked at me, I felt a weird sort-of buzz in the pit of my stomach. Josh had been my best friend forever, and I hadn’t seen him since high school graduation when he showed up last minute with his cap lopsided and brought me flowers because I told him to. 

“How’s life?” He asked with a smirk, slinging an arm around my shoulder. We started down the beach, lazily leaving footprints in the wet sand. “Did you graduate your fancy schmancy college magna cum laude and all that crap? Did all of your precious dreams come true?” He rolled his eyes, but waited expectantly, continuing to smirk. 

That was when I realized. He didn’t know what had happened. He hadn’t heard. He didn’t know I had tried to kill myself, he didn’t know that I had scars, he didn’t know that I had had an affair with my professor. Well no one knew the last part, but just hearing that he didn’t know any of it at all made my day completely turn around. 

“College wasn’t for me, as it turns out,” I lied, liking the way his hand felt draped over my shoulder. It felt like home. “But it’s all good, I’m just glad to be back here… It’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

“Too long,” Josh agreed, wrapping himself around me once more, squeezing me so tight I could feel the veins pop out around my scars. “You’ve gotten skinny. What happened to the flubber?” he teased, touching his finger to my waist. A shiver went through me, and I laughed, as if he had tickled me. 

“I never had flubber. You did,” I said, touching his chest, which was rising up and down under my palm. He looked down at it, and for a second, we were still. 

“God. It’s so good to see you,” he said finally. “I missed my Annie.”

“You’re the only one who calls me Annie.”

“Do you want me to call you Rhyanne?” He asked, catching my hand as I pulled it away from his body. I could feel myself ducking my head, trying to hide my face. Josh had always been my best friend, or he used to, and now it felt like nothing had changed at all. Just like I wanted. 

“No,” I told him, wrenching my hand away before he could see the scars. “Annie is good.”

We walked back toward the beach house then, just the two of us, looking in from the outside. Everyone was inside chatting, and Josh wanted to go inside and say hi, but I didn’t want him to, not yet. They had never known him as well as I had.

“I missed this,” I whispered as we sat on the porch steps, watching the sun kiss the ocean. I missed him, I missed us, I missed what used to be. And Josh was what used to be. He wasn’t what was. He didn’t /know/ what was. And that was the best part.

“It’s good to be back,” he agreed, sitting back on his elbows. He peered over at me with that dimpled smile, adding, “I was waiting for you to come back. Summers weren’t the same without you.”

I bit my lip, shaking my head. Of course Josh was the one among us who’d moved down to the beach full time, going to that junior college down the way. I could see it in his eyes. The beach had always been everything to him.

“I’m here now,” I answered softly. “You don’t have to wait any more.”

We both leaned back and looked out across the sky. I thought back to our last summer together here, and for a second, I was the same girl again. 

But just as quickly, she was gone. 

[COMMENT IF YOU READ PLEASE I seriously appreciate it :)) Tagging my fellow fabulous mods, whom I also included in the story @emmylou @withlove-kirsten and now the rest of the awesome people in the RP @nifty-nikki @rockets-and-rainbows @vicks @inglenooks @turn-around-bright-eyes ]
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