Just now I'm meditating a lot since I have nothing else to do... hahaha I feel guilty and regretful about a lot of things... First I always used to bash my cousin whenever she said she wanted to go back to Ecuador, "she's living at London, wearing Burberry and being successful, why in the Earth, she would come back to this awful place?" totally wrong X awful? Did I call awful that beautiful country in the middle of the world? Stupid, I was so stupid... now I understand why my sister always said I was materialist and egocentric, that was true, and I feel bad about it, I just spent my time worrying about silly things and being a bad person with everyone around me... I never realized how beautiful my mom is until now, I never appreciated her hugs, until now that I can't have them, I was even bad with my dog, always shooing him hahaha and just didn't noticed how happy I was whenever I got home and saw him waiting for me, now I don't have anyone waiting for me, when I open the door everyday I expect to see my family waiting for me and the house is just empty... I didn't appreciate my beautiful city and its sky until now that the sky is so unfamiliar and the city looks so cold and sad, like in those movies in black and white... I just worried about myself and how I looked, always talking about losing weight, now I'm so busy that I don't have time to eat... and whenever I got mad and argued with someone I was like "I wish I was already in France" or " When I go to France I won't have to bear this" xD

life always make you pay your mistakes and being here alone is an opportunity to growth as a person, "the logic of reaching you goals is about surpassing your own weaknesses" so I guess that more than learning fashion, now I'm learning more valuable lessons. I was always repeating "yeah, I know it won't be easy" when someone said me that this would happen but it's like if I haven't realized until now... but that's the way life it is, there's always a moment when it leaves you speechless and weak, and it's usually during the moments when you thought you would be stronger... haha why am I being like this? I just found this draft and I had to... now I must finish all my tags... ^^
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