Please read ps this is not a happy story
@laughwhilecrying did i improve?
It was a hot sunny day in the middle of july and my younger sister was just starting to drive. We had gone to see a movie at the cinema and I thought I would let her drive home in order to gain some experience. It was the first time that I had driven alone with her since she had gotten her G2 and I had to admit that she had improved alot over the past year. We had the music cranked as we sat in the car dancing and singing along to the radio.
♪ But you didn't have to cut me off, make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough... ♪ (Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye)
We sang... well screamed as she was driving home from the theatre. Then she whipped out her phone.
"Hello?... ohmigod .... your kidding me... haha thats so funny..." I could only hear part of the conversation but I knew right away who she was talking to just from the conversation. " Op I gotta go Mitz my phones beeping," she hung up.
"Mitz?" I said curiously wondering about the new nickname.
" Oh yeah, last month Nikki's grandma had knit her these horrible, like, puke green mittens so now we call her Mitz just to annoy her," she said with enthusiasm.
" Uh, huh..."
Her phone dinged and she proceeded to check it.
"Oh Nate just texted me," she squealed. They had been dated for all of two days and she was already head over heels. She started texting him back and I got a little nervous.
Ok I know it's a little juvenile but it's better to be safe then sorry right?
"Lina, dont you think you should pull over and text him or something?" I said with a stern but not demanding tone.
"Eh we'll be fine, Emery, it's not like this road is that busy anyways."
Ya I guess she's right ... I'm just over reacting... theres nothing wrong with texting and driving. People do it everyday right?
"Yeah, I guess I was just being a worry wort," I nervously laugh.
I open the window and feeling like a dog stick my head out to get some fresh air. The wind blows through my auburn hair making it twist and twirl in the breeze and I start to feel more relieved. When I finally calm down and get rid of my anxiousity I roll my window back up and turned my attention back to the radio.
When I found I couldn't concentrate I decided to give up on the radio and plug in my ipod. I put on my playlist of new music that I had just downloaded because I knew it would help me to loosen up
♪ Regrets collect like old friends here to relive your darkest moments I can see no way, I can see no way... Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out ooh woah oh... ♪ (shake it out by Florence + the Machine)
We drive on like this for a couple more minutes and then we turn on to a busier street in town.
"Hey wanna go to London and do some shopping? I need to practice my city driving!" My sister says eagerly.
"Sure, why not?" I say trying to push away the anxious feeling that is threatening to reappear.
"I'll take the back roads though because I'm not so comfortable on the highway yet. Better to do that with the rents," my sister says to my relief. Then we turn the music on again and sing some more. Off tune, but singing none the less.
♪ My body tells me no but I won't quit 'cause I want more... ♪ (My Body by Young the Giant)
As we're driving my sister continues to use her cellphone and I try to push away the urge to tell her not to.
I'm just over reacting it's really not that big of a deal.
I sit there trying to think of a way to distract her from her phone so she can snap out of it and focus more on the road. Then I got and idea I grabbed my ipod and went for my best bet.
♪ Give you this, give you that, blow a kiss, take it back if I look inside your brain... ♪ ( I want by One Direction)
"Oh! oh! oh! this is my favourite song! Turn it up! Turn it up!"
I do as she tells me glad to distract her from her phone. So there we are two girls fist pumping... I know terrible method of dance but what else can you do while you're sitting?... and screaming along with One Direction turned up full blast. I can only imagine what the other drivers would be thinking if they were watching... but oh well at least she's not texting right?...
After the song ended her phone dinged and I wanted to kill Nate right then and there... Really doesn't he know that she's driving? Does he want to kill us? Why doesn't he just shut up?!?!
I sit here fuming as she checks it. I see something out of the corner of my eye but am to fumid to notice it until it's in plain view.
"Lina deer," I scream with fear creeping into my voice.
She swerves to miss the deer but the car spins out of control and it feels like everything is happening in slow motion. We both scream as loud as we can as a tree comes into view. Lina spins the wheel frantically and we miss that tree just so we can hit another one right beside it.
The tree hits my car on the drivers side and I'll never forget the terrible cracking sound that came next, not being able to determine if it was my sisters bones or tree branches snapping. I'll never forget the splattering sound that blood makes when it slaps upon your face, the horribly twisted, mangled shape that the body takes when it is no longer in control and the horrible look that came from my sister's lifeless eyes.
I jumped out of the car and was horribly surprised to find that I had only come out with scratches yet my sister was lying there dead. I had only a couple cuts on my face and most of the blood that was present had come from my sister when we hit the tree. I frantically cried for help screaming, jumping up and down, waving at cars, crying. Anything to gets someones attention.
But when help came it was too late. The ambulence drove away with no sirens and the only noise present was my constant sobs as the ambulence drove me home to tell my parents.
When we got home everything went fuzzy and I don't remember much... I remember the police officer telling my mother what had happened, seeing her drop to the ground with uncontrollable sobs and thinking this was all my fault.
It's been a year now and my mother still wont talk to me. Everyday i wake up and preform the same routine. I get out of bed in the morning and go straight to the bathroom. I thoroughly wash myself with soap 3 times, scrubbing myself until my skin is burning and red. Then I wash my hair with shampoo roughly massaging it into my head and making sure that every square inch me is as clean as I can get it, in hopes that I will one day finally have washed off the blood of my dead sister. Then I come out of the shower and do my hair as nicely and neatly as I can, picking out the best hairdo that I can style. I then put together the best outfit I can find in my dresser and apply some makeup trying to make myself look as pretty as possible. And I go through all this trouble, do all this hoping that one day I will be pretty enough for my mother to look at me again. That one day she will again talk to me, look at me and love me like she did before my sister died, taking my moms love and life with her. I don't know if I'll ever be good enough again...
The vision of my sister still haunts my nightmares. All of the good memories of her have been distorted... Even hearing her name brings back terrible memories...Elina...her long brown hair that looked golden in the sun, her bright blue eyes, perfect eyebrows, joyful smile, all of them have been stolen from me and brutely deviated and disfigured like I had seen them in the crash. Yes the crash when her long brown hair was soaked with blood and strewn all over her seat in a curly tangled mess. Her eyes hollow and lifeless but still speaking to me saying why didn't you help me? why didn't you do anything? Her body that was horriby disfigured and broken from the crash and there was no smile present on her face, only am empty look of despair remained. I know these images will never leave my mind, it is the price I must pay for ignoring my conscience and indirectly killing my sister...
thanks for reading :)