here | alessia cara

yay, top fashion set!! thank you @polyvore

CAMILA CANAL; WTNY (collab with my italian buddy @never-never)

it was almost 6, the sun already down making the corridor pitch dark as i walked to reach dorian's apartment. as i reached it, I stood still for a second re-thinking again and again about what i was doing but i eventually gave up and knocked twice. I waited, the huge paper bag i had carried with me rested on the floor as i smoothed some imaginary creases on my velvet skirt and adjusting slightly my hair. I had no other choice but to ask him for this favor; i had procrastinated, postponing this moment to avoid the embarrassment but it was time to act and i was already late. I knocked again, my knuckles almost hurting as they hit the wooden surface of the door, "who the f-ck is it now?" he screamed harshly from the other side, his voice raspy as he had just been woken up. i tried to smile as he opened the door, with a long squeak, "look who's back" he grinned while he looked at me quizzically from head to toes, "hi dorian" i exclaimed, my voice sounding high-pitched and awkward as i grabbed my bag back from the floor and slipped in next to his half-naked body. "what are you doing here?" he asked as i handed him the bag "bringing you a gift" i answered with a silly smile as he unwrap the box and looked inside at its content. I waited as he took the clothes inside as they were some sort of insect. "what's this?" he said, raising his gaze on me with a confused look on his face, "a tuxedo, silly!" i exclaimed as he kept looking at the jacket, tight-lipped, "/i know what this is/" he continued, "i meant, what am i supposed to do with it?".

 i grinned as he sat on his sofa with the box on his knees and looked down at the rest; the NYU christmas' party was something big and formal so i had rented the best to dress him properly and i knew it would look good on him, "wear it tonight?" i suggested sitting next to him and smirking playfully. He turned to look at me, a giant grin appearing on him as it finally dawned it on him that i was asking him out or kind of, "are we roleplaying? do you want me to f-ck you dressed as James Bond?" i burst out laughing as he excitedly took out everything from the box and started putting the shirt on, "i was actually thinking you could pretend to be my boyfriend tonight" i rattled as he slipped on the trousers while winking stupidly. he leant his head to the side with a pleased smile, "well, i'm flattered" he joked as he tied the shoes and turned to swirl proudly in front of me, "i would love to be your pretend-boyfriend more than i could ever love to be your real one" he added while i punched him on the arm, pouting. "you have one hour to get into the part" i stated as i reached for the door, "i entrust you'll try to behave tonight" i added before opening the door and earning a loud laugh from dorian, who was now in the toilet, "i'll try my best, babe but i can't guarantee anything!" he screamed before i closed the door after me and reached my apartment.


As we entered the room i felt immediately observed; everybody looked positively elegant and haughty in their prettiest clothes. i waved casually at few of my colleagues who addressed us quizzical looks while we walked to the bar for drinks. I knew that dorian would arise questions and curiosity and that's probably why i had actually brought him with me; he was everything they weren't in the tuxedo i had given him and his usual messy hair. with the side of my eyes i immediately spotted Sebastian, tall and gorgeous and utterly unavailable. I tried to put on a relaxed smile but my eyes kept wandering as we ordered two tequila sunrises; we took a long sip before dorian turned to look at me with a wide smile, "i understand why you come to me after work. I would also go crazy with these guys around." i leant my head to the side, thinking of something snarky to reply but we were suddenly interrupted by sebastian's deep voice; i hadn't noticed him approaching us so quickly, so i stared astonished as he walked to us and smiled at me, "Hey, Cami ... you look beautiful tonight ..." i barely realized that dorian was now grinning as he looked at sebastian. he looked so different next to him, opposite somehow, "That's what I always say her, too." dorian stated after a second, before i could even find the word to reply him. "and you are...?" sebastian asked, turning to look at him with a confused frown on his face, like he had just realized that i wasn't alone, "her future husband." 

Sebastian turned to look at me for a brief moment, with a mix of confusion and surprise on his handsome features, "what?" i hissed at dorian, incredulous, as he swiftly slipped one of his (few) sober rings on my finger. gosh, they were heavy. "see?" he replied, waving my hand in front of sebastian's face, showing my ring finger proudly. "Oh, great...cami, why did you not tell me before?" sebastian tilted his head to the side, quizzically, as he struggled to believe us. Clearly he was as confused as i was, since dorian's words had dawned on us abruptly. "it was, you know... unexpected" i replied with a tight-lipped smile, addressing my infamous scowl to dorian whose smile grew bigger and bigger, shamelessly. He ignored me blatantly, "i knew that you couldn't wait to make an honest men out of me!" he replied, slipping a hand around my waist and pulling me against him. i tried to politely squirm out of his grip but it was useless and embarrassing, i kept smiling at sebastian who sent me confused sideglances while we kept up the farce. "so, how long has it been going on?" he asked, waving vaguely a hand in front of his face as to dismiss it. i couldn't resist the urge to meet his eyes and smile apologetically, as if i needed to! somehow i always felt like i was making an effort when i was with him, an effort trying to make my schedules fit with his, an effort when i stated that i didn't mind if he slept with other girl (other than his wife), if he didn't call, if he didn't care. I blamed it on me even if i had nothing to do with it because i had really tried my best with him; i had exposed myself completely and it had been a stupid gamble and i was still recovering from it. I shrugged away the thought of him and i crinkled my nose as i turned to look at dorian trying to agree on a date, "a few-" "Months!" he stepped up before i could finish my sentence while he leant against me and kissed my temple sweetly. 

what a performance! looking us from the outside people had to believe us even though i lacked the actorial qualities. dorian was a born actor, he was confident and brazen and absolutely histrionic in his personality, perfect for revenge or whatever it was we were doing. "you are here alone?" i asked to sebastian casually, slapping dorian's hand (not so) playfully as he grabbed my ass from behind attracting few glares from my colleagues. "my wife is here too, she is over there talking to the dean" he replied swiftly, pointing towards the giant christmas tree in the center of the room and then i saw her, his tall, raven haired thirty-something wife, my former nemesis. I internally laughed thinking about my constant worrying about her in the past; i knew he was married when i met him but i had never met her personally so it had remained for months only an heavy ghost to shoo. Now i knew who i had been fighting against and i felt little, thinking about that beautiful woman, unaware of the father of his child's misfits. the moment she turned to look at us, waving cheerfully with the hand, i turned my gaze away, back to him. "she's very pretty. you are a lucky man!" i stated with an honest smile even though his gaze kept burning on me. it hurt still but i pretended it didn't, badly perhaps but i deserved at least an attempt to preserve my dignity. i looked at dorian getting a astonished look from him as i raised on my tips and kissed him even though he wasn't the one i wanted to kiss right now, "sorry" i whispered against his lips. 

He shrugged vaguely and i could almost see the wheels in his brain working furiously, "oh honey" he said after a while, with a placid smile "i'll go outside to smoke a cigarette"; he left my side and walked to the exit leaving me and sebastian standing weirdly in front of each other. "so-" i trailed off, trying to look confident as he brought a cocktail to his lips, raising a brow, "engaged, Cami? really?" he cut me off leaving me speechless, "and with that guy? come on" he added, gesturing towards the exit where dorian had just left. I looked at him trying to find something to say but i couldn't, because really, somehow i was glad that he seemed curious about it, about me. "why do you care?" i muttered, trying to sound indifferent, "i don't" he replied swiftly, my mouth twitching at the corners for his abrupt answer, "i just want you to be happy". i looked at him, my mouth wide open as i processed his words, trying to make sense of them. Happy? really? "happy? really?" i repeated loudly, side-glancing at his wife only few feet from us and suddenly i only wanted to hurt her and him, as he hurt me first. i eventually decided to let it go, at least for tonight, "don't bulls-hit me. you don't care about my happiness" i added with an hostile glacial smile, "you don't care about anybody but yourself but it's ok, i don't care either" i stated, spinning on my heels and walking outside in the cold air. 

"future husband?" i asked dorian, as i spotted him on the sidewalk, trying to sound angry even though i had already forgot about what he had said, "hey, I did not know that he was the love of your life. By the way, you could not choose a single guy?" he replied with an ironic tone while i hugged myself in the thin fabric of my top, "you can not understand, dorian, it is a long story"  "And I don't want to hear it. Why are you still here? Why do you want to give me an explanation at all costs? If you love him, go to him." he said, with arms folded and serious, a look that didn't suit him. I looked at him for a moment with my lips parted, "i'm coming with you" he tilted his hair to the side, "Liar, you're only afraid of being refused" he started, "and he would be stupid to miss an opportunity with you and do not choose a tiger like you, to be with a cat" he added, speaking quickly as he felt shy to open up to me.  "personally, I love the big cats. And big cats have to have someone who knows how to keep them quiet." I walked to him, giggling "and do you think you're that man?" i asked, "why? do you really think that as-shole in there is that kind of man? He has the classic simple wife, that the other people want. I'm different." i stared at him, my head exploding in a giant headache while i tried to figure out what the f-ck was happening tonight. "and how would you be different?" he looked at me with his usual proud smile, 

"well, unlike mister-premature-ejaculation, the undersigned" he spoke, pointing at him self with the index finger of his left hand, "knows how to satisfy a woman, I'm not afraid to live alone, and I do not throw in the first report accepted by the people. Simply, there is no woman who does it for me. But I know i'll be able to tame you. " i couldn't help but look at him, confused; where was all this coming from? suddenly our conversation was interrupted by a red-haired girl, with a cheerful smile and really wide eyes, "thank you." She said, handing him what seemed to be his phone with a tiny, written piece of paper. the wind kept hitting me, leaving me trembling while dorian smiled back to the girl as she left. i waited for a moment before he spoke again "you just have to decide if you want to be the woman of a little man or of a great man" oh come on! i wanted to be a great woman, who cared about men. "And you're the big man?" i asked with a mix of honest curiosity and incredulity obtaining only a vague smile from dorian, "i didn't say that, you did ... and thank you for this". "come on, dorian" i replied, my hands on my hips as i tried to analyze this whole situation to make sense in all this mess. i had been stupid and reckless: i had just got out of an heartbreak to jump into the arms of the first guy who had shown me some interest; i was such a child, yearning for people's attention and affection while i could barely give myself any. 

"it's a simple choice" he asked smiling fiercely as he undid the first buttons of his shirt and pulled out his tie and tucked it in his tux pocket. "a choice i can't make" i stated, shrugging heavily. how did we even end up here? i didn't expect him to get all worked up about this, about me and sebastian. I thought we were only having fun, killing time while waiting for others. suddenly here we were, all serious and bothered. I had been stupid, asking him to accompany me here, knowing that sebastian would be here and mostly, knowing myself. "can't we just enjoy each other's company without overthinking it?" i asked, meeting his gaze, "that's all i have to offer right now" i added with a tiny smile, knowing that i was just postponing a bigger conversation. he stared thoughtfully at me and eventually shrugged, "well, i do like f-cking you..." he answered with a wide smile and i was instantly glad that it was dorian i was talking to, the easiest guy on earth, a really nice guy (even though he liked to state otherwise). I bit my lip as he took a step forward, "let's go then. this party bores me" he said after a second, taking my hand and pulling me after him, "let's enjoy the night while it lasts" he added while i looked at him as he smiled and i nodded confortably "yes, while it lasts". 

#DanielaBraga #Pink #black #velvet #sparkle #WelcomeToNewYork #roleplay #rp #camilacanal #december2015
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