I didn't really realize I was depressed.
I didn't think I was depressed.
I just thought it was because I was scared that I wasn't doing anything.
But then when mom made me fill out a form 
that had one of the scales.
for depression
and the guy just kept asking questions
I was like oh shit.
This sounds like me.
but I'm not depressed.
I'm just tired.
right.
sadklf
I don't know
but I don't do anything but read watch movies and sleep.
so I can get caught up insomebody elses life and escape mine.
and I feel kind of betrayed
and I just can't tell mom any of the things I'm scared of or my thoughts or anything
because she just told them
she just told them everything
she just pointed out everything wrong with me
and everything that I did when I was little.
and I was scared
and mad
and sad
and I don't know.

T____T and so now I know that I am maybe depressed.
and that I have anxiety
and that I'm not taking medication
and that I got prescribed pills to help me sleep (which apparently WAS A PROBLEM EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WAS. =_=)
and I don't want to take them
because I remember @secretslikeanchors getting medication
and my friend got medication
and it both had bad side effects
like nightmares
and stuff
and I don't want to take it.
and I heard mum on the phone saying I wasn't taking the pills
and I'm just kind of freaking out.
T__T

and I'm paranoid and I'm scared
and I don't know what to do.
and I feel like mum's always been afraid of me or for me.
and I thought I was doing good. 
and I just 
i'm really scared.
and my dad's gone all the time now 
at work.
and visiting his mom.
because she's sick.
and it's just. really . really. hard.
and I haven't told anybody
and I'm just kind of breaking down
even though I thought that I was doing really good and nothing could break me
before the summer started.
and i'm scared about highschool. 
and I'm scared i'm not going to fit in
or make any friends
or always feel left out and sort of getting a grudge against the kids who do make friends
and then I'll suffocate in class
and end up leaving class again and taking the bus home and calling my dad to cover for me
and I can't let it be like this year
and I won't have sheila or drea
and I'm scared.
I'm scared that I can't do it.
and I'm scared of going to a therapist
and I'm scared of getting help
because they keep digging up things
I just don't want to talk about.
It's better.
if I talk about other things.
or more recent problems
or things that make me focus on those things
instead 
so at least I think I'm doing okay.
or at least I think I can handle it.

I THOUGHT I WASN'T THE BROKEN ONE.

T_____________T
i dont know
canijusthaveahug.
please.
T_T
im really scared.
and i just want somebody to tell me that I can be normal again
and that things are going to beokay.
Dx okay
does anybody watch community?
i like that show.
shirley's laugh is really cute.
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