[collab with my amazing randy @xshadesofblackx <333]
I stared at my feet as I kept walking straight ahead of what it seemed to be the same old street, or maybe it was just be being lost in my thoughts again. The point of going out after two am was clearing my thoughts, in addition to take Judas for a stroll, but it didn't seemed to work that much. I was just freezing with no reason. I heard the sound of footsteps and glanced up, not quite believing to my eyes. Coincidence? Bad luck? Stalking? Here it was, Romeo wandering around a huge city and meeting me. God was having fun with me, I was sure.
"What are you doing out at this time of night, Romeo?" My brow arched questioningly as our eyes met.
"Walking.. I live.." He glanced over his shoulder, "Right there." His thumb jerked to point to the house maybe five or so down the line. "Not too far."
"I see.." I spoke quietly, making a note to myself to not come back there anymore as my puppy at the end of the leash I was holding tightly was barking in a very excited tone. "Judas.. Hush."
"Judas?" He chuckled, "Really, Kris? The betrayer or after Leto's dog?" He teased me slightly, his sense of humor not lacking despite his tired face."Maybe the Beatles song..."
"No.. None. I just wanted to be different." I defended, watching as Romeo leaned down to pet the puppy and silently praying Juda would bite him.
He scratched the dog behind the ears as he went to one knee, "I never figured you for a dog person.. He's good though."
"Then maybe you don't know me as well as you thought.." I started even if I was just saying that to make a point. A useless one, but still.
"Kris, please.." He looked up at her, pushing off the ground to stand. "I uh.. I meant to call.."
"I didn't give you my number." I reminded him, letting the puppy wander about some.
"I know. I got it from my personal assistant who was able to get it from your publisher. I just.. I've been busy. I did a small show and signing in LA then I was just tying up some loose ends at my condo." He shrugged his shoulders.
"So that's where you went." I said, biting my lip gently. That was the answer I had been waiting for days. "I don't care though. You do whatever you want."
"Really?" His dark brows both arched at the same time, "What have you been up to? Any Christmas plans? Because I'm just staying here at the house. My parents went to the Caribbean."
"Why didn't you go?" I asked, avoiding to answer his question and his gaze too.
"Because I rather stay in a cold, rainy city than burning under the sun." He shugged, walking beside me.
I raised one eyebrow as I glanced at him, walking backwards to keep an eye on Judas, "So that you can be all alone, drinking and getting high? That sounds like an amazing plan. A bit depressing, but I bet you don't mind that. It could even help for writing another song."
"Kris." He glared at me, shaking his head.
I sighed, I knew I was being a bit harsh but hey, that was exactly what was going to happen. Life was harsh, not me. "Yes?" I said simply, giving a ligh tug to the leesh to force Judas to get up, but he was a stubborn puppy.
Romeo stopped and stared at me, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "How did you get so crabby?" He questioned, but his voice was calm and low, he didn't seem to be annoyed ar anything.
"Go figure." I said flatly and walked over Judas, who was looking at me with his head cocked, "Get up!" I ordered firmly, but he didn't move.
Romeo followed me and gave me an amused look, "You finally found someone who doesn't let you be in control."
"He's just young and needs more discipline." I sat down on the stairs of a building, just a few meters from my dog, knowing that unless I wanted to carry him in my arms he wouldn't go anywhere. Also I ignored the not so veiled hint about me being the kind of girl who is determined and firm enough to be a man. Not that I had been like that all the time when I was with Romeo, only when we argued and I always wanted to be right. Mostly because I was.
He nodded silently and sat next to me, his arm brushing against mine in the process and distracting me from my puppy for a moment. "You still have to tell me what you're going to do on Christmas." He said quietly, resting his forearms on his knees.
I turned my head lightly, my eyes meeting his as I answered, "I'm staying here with my family...maybe Lucas. Then I think I'll go to New York for a few days." I explained.
"Oh.. Lucas? How nice.." His brows arched a moment before Romeo looked back to the pavement where the puppy still was so stubbornly sitting.
I had lost tracks of Romeo during the years but I still was able to recognize from the tone of his voice when something annoyed him. Mostly if the so said something was my best friend, the boy Romeo always used to worry about even if there was no reason. "Romeo don't start.." I sighed heavily, tugging lightly on the leash to try moving the puppy. No luck.
"He's stubborn." He remarked with a small smile as his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, his arm brushing mine again. "Eh.. So are you.. A good match I think." He said, chuckling to himself.
Changing the subject and making fun of me was the best way to get on my nerves. What a smart guy he was. "I really don't think it's that funny."
"You must have lost a good portion of your sense of humor then. You don't find much funny even when I'm trying to joke with you. Lighten up, Kris." He told me, nudging my side with his elbow.
"My sense of humor is fine. You're just no longer amusing. The only thing a joke is your life now." My eyes went wide the moment I said it, pressing my lips into a tight line. I didn't mean to say that out loud, I didn't even know where that came from...I wasn't that mean. Or at least I thought so.
He winced, his body tightening, "Yeah.. I guess I deserved that. We haven't put out a new CD in a while. Just playing our hits at concerts and shi.t." He shrugged, trying to stay cool and making me feel even worse.
"It's not even that, Romeo.. You seem to have just given up. That's not the you I remember." I told him, trying to explain as my free hand lifted up to touch his cheek lightly so he would look at me. Was I trying to make up for being a b.itch? Yes, but I was being honest too.
His gaze darted to me as he leaned into my touch slightly, "Right.. I could have matched your determined streak any day. Now?... I think the puppy is beating us both in that department."
"I know." I said quietly, trailing my finger tips down his jaw before pulling away as I lowered my eyes, forcing myself to look at Judas. It was easier to pretend that just the slightest touch didn't get my stomach in knots to admit to myself that Romeo still had that effect to me.
He bent his head slightly, searching my gaze and the right corner lifted slighty, making a half smile appear on his face. "Just that? No snide remarks?" He questioned.
I bit my lip and looked at him through my lashes, noticing the black shades around his eyes which looked even darker compared to the bright color of his eyes. "No...I'm giving you a break." I shook my head, feeling bad for how I had treated him. It wasn't fair and it was childish.
"How did I get so lucky all of a sudden?" He asked, giving me a full smile this time and propping his elbow on his knee to set his cheek in his hand as he didn't take her eyes away from me.
"I don't know." I shrugged, avoiding to bring up all the reasons why I was having a change of heart. It was probably just temportary, but still. I paused, taking a deep breath as I bore my eyes into his, "How are you Romeo?"
He looked at me puzzled, his brows furrowing a bit. "What do you mean how am I?"
"It was a pretty easy question." I raised one eyebrow, trying to fight my b.itchy attitude which was more then willing to pop out again.
"I'm fine." He shrugged, glancing away and as our gaze wasn't meeting anymore I knew he was lying.
I didn't force him to look at me again, instead I started playing nervously with Judas leash. I couldn't keep consuming myself for days, wondering if he was okay and having nightmares, and not asking him anything when he was in front of me. For how hard it was, I had to do it. "Really? Since the last time we met I've been a bit worried..." I trailed off, not even knowing where my words were leading me.
"You were worried about me, Kris? I'm touched." Romeo offered a small smile, his free hand brushing my knee in a way too familiar way.
"I bet you are.. You just.. You dropped such a bomb on me then didn't call." I swallowed hard, winding the leash around my hand then undoing it as I avoided his eyes on purpose.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think." He started to be cut off by my voice.
"You don't think a lot, Romeo.. I thought maybe..well..you had succeeded." I bit my lip, not quite believing to what I just said, "Stupid I know."
"No it's not. A lot of people who did what I have are often repeat offenders, if it doesn't succeed, try try again." He told me plainly and cleared his throat, "I didn't. I went back to LA to do a few shows with the guys, surprise sets at the crap venues I used to do when I was first starting out."
"My publicist said he gave your person my number." I reminded him, my eyes finally looking to him questioningly. What was the point of having my number if he didn't use it? Not that I wanted him to use it...just to let me know he was still fine and alive.
He chuckled quietly, running his hand over the back of his neck much like he did when he was younger and feeling a bit embarrassed or at a loss. "I uh.. I got nervous and kept putting it off. Besides you didn't really seem like you wanted to talk to me anyways." He met my gaze and gave me that smile of his that was true and adorable, "I didn't mean to make you concerned, Ten.. I'm fine. Mostly."
"Mostly?" I repeated him, glancing at him quickly as he nodded, "It's a start."
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily, "Yeah I guess so. No need to be worried...and I promise I'll call you." He added, his tone low and soft.
My eyes dropped on my puppy, who finally decided to move his a.ss and walked over me, setting his head on my palm as I offered him my hand. "You don't have to. Now that I know you're mostly fine I won't be concerned anymore." I said and I couldn't help not noticing the sarcasm on the mostly fine part...I wished we could still talk about the demons that he kept hidden in his chest, but we weren't a couple anymore and if let him open to me I knew I'd end up feeling broken again. I wouldn't let him drag me with him, I couldn't save him this time.
"But I want to." He said hurriedly, shifting against the cold stone to turn his body slightly to me, his hand grabbing my arm to give it a squeeze, "I promise."
"Don't." I said firmly, staring at him, "We both know you're not good at keeping promises."
His hand slid down my arm and he swallowed as his eyes lowered, making him look lost in a thought before he lifted his gaze to mine again, "I know. But you're not that good either."
"Sorry?" I asked, raising one eyebrow at him. I mostly didn't promise anything to anyone, but when I did I always kept them.
"When I left you promised me you'd come see one of my concerts once I'd be famous...you never did." He said boring his eyes into mine.
"I did instead." I blinked at him and the memory almost killed me, "The first time you were in New York with your band."
His eyes widened as an unreadable expression crossed his face, "Really? But-"
"Really, but I wasn't able to get to meet you. You were too busy and too famous." I cut him off, the sound of my voice emotionless even if I my heart still burned as a flash of that night crossed my mind.
"I wouldn't have.. Not for you." Romeo told me hurriedly, "You matter to me."
My hand fluttered as if waving the words away in the air, "I don't care anymore.. It's in the past right?" I arched a brow at him, my words hollow.
"No.. It obviously matters to you. I'm sorry, Ten.." His voice spoke quietly again, "I had no idea."
"Of course you didn't. You were famous with your band and too busy for your supposedly, 'perfect girl from back home'. That's what I told them. I thought you'd get it. Always ranting about me being the ultimate one.. But when it mattered I was like any other fan." I said in a fit of honesty, leaving out the part where I felt like an idiot. And I hated that.
"Ten..." He started, his face hurt.
"Kristen." I spoke sharply, not wanting to start another useless conversation, "Stop it, Romeo. Just.. Don't. I think too much at times and then was definitely one of them. I expected too much. Maybe I should have given my name but you had already changed so much."
He looked down. "I'm sorry.."
"I am too. We both made our mistakes, now we just have to live with them." I spoke as I stood up, gently tugging on the leash to make the puppy stand up. Another minute with him and I'd start feeling sad or being extremely mean.
He stood up as quickly, reaching out for my free hand, "Kris, wait. Please.."
"Romeo.. Just give up... We're through and I don't want either of us getting hurt again." I tried pulling my hand away, instead he drew me closer.
His hand turned my head, his eyes meeting mine, "I can't give up on you.." His head dipped down in a swift motion and his lips brushed mine, making a shiver ran up my spine as all the memories shared between us came back to my mind.
I felt my stomach flip as I set my free hand on his chest, trying to push him away, but it was no use. "I'm not giving you any other choice." I said coldly, hoping to sound convincing enough. To me I was, but to him? He was just as stubborn as me.
He grabbed my other hand too and squeezed them both as he stared into my eyes, "Because you're so over me?" He questioned.
I bit my lip and nodded my head, not breaking the eye contact because I knew that'd be like admitting I wasn't. "I am actually. You can't still have feelings for someone who's been out of your life for years Romeo. It's not humanly possible." I speak quietly, believing in what I was saying...partially. Those kind of loves happened in books only and not even in the ones I wrote.
"It is instead, you just have no faith." He snorted, but still not leaving the grasp he had on me. Not that I was fighting him either.
"You have no brain." I narrowed my eyes on him, "You're just a hopeless romantic."
"Keep it up! Pretend to be a cold hearted b.itch, I'm not buying it." He said raising one eyebrow at me, ignoring my words. "I know you."
"You used t-" I started but he cut me off.
"You mean you don't feel anything when you're with me? Did you feel nothing when our lips touched?" He questioned, pulling me against him as he bore his eyes into mine, the look on his face serious and impossible to read.
"No." I answered shortly, maybe a little too shortly to sound believable.
Romeo leaned in, pressing his lips to mine in a more heated manner this way, his grip tight on me even as I wiggled then pressed against him.
My hands jerked in his, trying to pull free then reached for his jacket to grip. I could keep fighting him or I could kiss him back, letting my heart beat faster than the speed of light. I took a sharp breath through my nose, a soft noise made into the kiss as I ignored Judas barking, too focused on how good tht felt.
Slowly he drew back and opened his eyes to look down at me, his hands letting go of mine but grabbed my hip. And there is was, the awful sensation of something good ending. That was the reason why I didn't want to have Romeo around, because whatever we could do together we'd ruin it sooner or later.
My eyes opened and I felt dazed. Then my hand lifted up to strike him, slapping his cheek as I glared. "Romeo! You.. You had no right to do that."
His hand lifted to press against his red cheek in surprise, "Didn't I? I was right though.. You were kissing me back. Stop being so stubborn. I do care for you still and I'm sorry I hurt you. Why can't you give me another chance?" His eyes searched mine while he waited for my answer.
"Because we didn't work the first time, why should we now?" I asked, but the tone of my voice wasn't as firm as usual, it was just sad. And I didn't want to be sad.
He squeezed me, making me realize I was still pressed against him. His warm body against mine was awakening old feelings and in some way it was like I still was used to them. "We didn't work because we took different directions, not because we weren't in love." He stared at me.
I nodded, finally finding the strenght to take a few steps away from him and letting the cold air wrap around my body once again. "You're right, we took different directions and now we couldn't be more apart." I swallowed and this time I was being truthfully honest.
"But-" He started, trying to step closer to me but I raised my hands.
"No buts Romeo. Don't make things even harder...please." I bit my lip sharply, breaking the eye contact and glancing at Judas who was looking at me with his head cocked, he seemed as confused as I was.
"You're making a mistake Ten." He said in a low tone.
I shrugged, tugging at the leash as I started walking, muttering under my breath, "It wouldn't be the first."
d walking, muttering under my breath, "It wouldn't be the first."