blog ;
lookbook ;
instagram ;

It really sucks knowing you have a lot of followers and you shouldn't abandon Polyvore but you feel so unmotivated to make sets and too tired to answer messages. It's not that I'm lazy, I just feel like I don't have the inspiration to make sets anymore. Maybe I just need new items or something. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE MOTIVATE ME TO BE ON POLYVORE MORE OFTEN. PLEASE COMMENT SOME REASONS TO STAY. BECAUSE I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN THINKING OF LEAVING FOR QUITE A WHILE AND IT HURTS LIKE A B/TCH. But yeah, here's something new. This is what I'd wear if I was a killjoy.

Anyway, my emotions have been pretty fvcked. I had registration for school (I don't know if all high schools do this but in my town you go to this thing a week before school starts to have your yearbook photos taken and to get all your text books and schedule etc) and I just DREADED seeing everyone there. My social anxiety is coming back stronger than ever. When I was getting ready for it I was just starting to relax, but actually being there and knowing that everyone thinks I'm fvcking weird or annoying; is just all too much and it feels like a claustrophobic nightmare and these self hating thoughts just pound into my fvcking skull and I can't breathe. I don't know when it came back, this thing, but it's growing, it's suffocating me. I grew into it, it grew into me, and sometimes I manage to distract myself, trick myself of dwelling on it, convince myself that I'm okay but at the end of the day I know I'm pretending.

I don't know but I think this will be the year my mental health will just finally collapse. So I'm trying to work on myself, do a lot of clubs and focus on AP Art, get better at my instruments, do more blogging, volunteer more; basically do WHATEVER I can from letting it get to me.

Either way I want to be punched in the face! Multiple times!! School hasn't even started yet but it's stressing me out so much.

On a lighter note, I'm going to sell a fvckton of my clothes. I emptied out my wardrobe yesterday, both my winter and summer clothes and had 5 trash bags filled up to the brim with clothing. I don't know what hit me, I guess I sort of thought:

1) These are a bunch of dresses and I'm never going to wear them to school anyway
2) I don't even wear these when I actually go to places unless it's some sort of fancy event (but I'll probably chicken out anyway)
3) I'm tired of myself and I want to change the way I dress

So later today I'm going to a thrift shop where you could sell your clothes. Hopefully I come back with a lot of money, so I can get things I actually NEED. Like more art supplies, some books, some guitar gear, some back to school stuff. 

I believe it's always good to reinvent yourself once in a while, put yourself in a different headspace, perspective.
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