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funeral - band of horses
harlow mcperson - gp
4/4/11

MONDAY, APRIL 4TH: After classes are done, go off-campus and get to know everyone with an introductory bon-fire and party. Casual dress because it'll be in the woods by the lake.

*
My first day of classes at Culver Creek had gone by quickly; and I was glad for that. The teachers, work, even the entire place was a bit too much for me. 

I didn't know how I would take to this new school. While everyone around me was probably missing their parents, boyfriends, friends; I was stuck here missing who? Two dead parents and a bunch of not-so-true friends. 

Cheery, my life was. "That's it, Harlow." I said to myself. Just /forget/ it all. It doesn't matter anymore. The past is the past. There's nothing I can do about it now. Leave it alone.

I walked a few short steps down to the forest near the lake. Already a crowd of people were gathered, some I recognized, some I didn't. 

Walking down the path, I came up on a tanned girl with flowing black hair who was talking to a slender girl who had a cascade of bleach blonde hair. 

"Hey," I cut in. "I'm Harlow. New this semester."

"Us too." The blonde said. "I'm Mya, this is Josie. C'mon, I'll introduce you to the girls."

"Thanks." I smiled, following suit. I was then introduced to Mya's brother Brett. Eye candy, he was.

I was then introduce to a swarm of gorgeous girls, whose names I barely caught. Ivy, Addy, Carmen, Fiona. That was the lot of them. 

For the next few hours, I sipped carefully on a beer and sat by a roaring bonfire. I didn't want to drink too much for fear I would return to my old ways. My "post-death" ways. 

To tell you the truth, I was a complete and utter drunk when my parent's died. All I did was drink and smoke and want to bash my head in. 

But thanks to some hard-core therapy and a little push to get going, I was stronger than ever. No wonder they called my the Fox. 

I was strong, powerful, resiliant, yes. I never let myself be weak, dependant on someone else. I was just me. Just Harlow. I needed only myself. 

I looked suddenly to the ground, where I felt a small mound of dirt. My book was buried not a yard under my feet. 

Dear old Mom and Dad, this whole thing was for you. I didn't even want to be here, except for the promising grins of my new classmates. I knew they would be helpful, friendly, even. I just didn't know how to relate. 

I had lost everything. And how was I still standing here today? I honestly don't know. Skipping out on the part, I said good-bye to a half-drunk Josie and headed back to the dorms. 

That wasn't my scene, the getting drunk and passing out thing. Sure, it once was, but not anymore. I didn't want to turn out like that.

What I could've turned out like. I know that deep inside me is probably some aching piece begging to be let out, to just let go. 

And sometimes I do think about letting loose, letting go. It could be easy, but no. I think I'll take the hard way out, and suffer through whatever I have to. 

As for now, I trust that these friends I make now could possibly change me for the better. I could /finally/ have a shoulder to lean on. 

But what exactly was I looking for? 

Even that was a mystery to me, and I tried to pin-point it just as the sun came up and revealed the icy dawn that was so rarely relished. I looked out my windows and up to the yellow clouds where I thought that maybe, just maybe my mom and dad were looking down on me.

"This is for you." I whispered.

{Comment 'the fox' if you read.}
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