PLAYING GOD - PARAMORE
the days have been passing;
i've been comparing the time to airplanes.
you hear the plane coming, and then when you look around
and finally see it,
you watch it go slowly; yet it's going so fast that you tend to wonder
when will it ever reach its destination?
being without hearing or seeing alex
is like being without senses. i feel so lost
like a zombie.
why must i endure this?
only God knows.
i woke up this morning feel like
i should finally do something with my life.
but i couldn't face the fact...that maybe...
he wouldn't return.
but i haven't even seen elena-
or any of my friends for that matter-
because she's been on the DL; apparently because her PARENTS RETURNED.
what this means? i have no idea.
but i knew if my crazy mom or gay (literally) dad showed up at my door,
it wouldn't be good.
i rolled out of my bed.
i just come home,
lay in bed,
and either cry,
but today was going to be different.
i changed into the best outfit that i've worn in about a week. and before stepping out,
i got out my phone, and dialed his number.
it went straight to voicemail. again.
"hey, you-" i pressed a button to leave a message.
i held in the sobs.
i know he checks his messages. i didn't want to sound TOO desperate.
"hey, alex," i started cheerfully. that was lame. i frowned. "i, uh..." i gulped hard.
"i just woke up, and you weren't next to me. again." i stuttered quickly.
"it's really hard, alex," i said, a tear falling. "please. i need to hear your voice."
i hung up with a sigh. with my hand on the doorknob, i began to walk out into the world,
when my phone rang.
my heart jumped. i answered my Blackberry without looking at the ID.
"Alex!?" I splurged, "oh my God, alex, i'm-"
"Cam." elena said softly on the other line. we went silent. another tear fell.
"yeah, i'm on my way." i whispered, hanging up. i catched my other tears and walked out.
I slid in the booth. Across the table, Elena and Summer looked at me worriedly.
"How've you been, Cammie?" Summer asked me kindly, reaching across the table. I tried my best to smile at them.
"I've been...well," I lied, "Hungry though." I reached for the menu. Actually, I haven't eaten anything since the day Alex disappeared.
"Well, we shall eat." Elena said smiling. She was worried too. I wanted to ask her about the whole parent situation, but didn't feel that now was the time.
"I'm thinking about ordering the pasta," Summer said, "Hey, Elle: how's the single life going?"
Elena giggled, blushing a bit. I smiled; for real this time. I'm glad my friends could be happy.
"Well, I've been making my way around." she spilled. Summer and I "'Ooh'ed," and Elena giggled and blushed even more.
"Anyone special yet?" I asked her. She sipped her iced tea, "I'm not exactly sure yet."
Summer and I exchanged looks and laughed. "Well, you tell us when your sure." Summer said with a smirk.
Elena laughed. "And your love life?" I asked Summer. I looked at her seriously- let's just say I've been hearing some /things/...
"Well," Summer said, color fuilling her cheeks, "I'm.../really/ liking Damon, girls." She smiled at us, expecting us to smile back.
Elena and I exchanged looks. Summer's face fell. "What?" she said quickly. Elena and I immediately composed ourselves again. And thankfully, before we could speak, the waiter came.
"Okay, you girls ready to order?" the male said. Elena looked at him, looked at the menu, then looked back up at him with a smile.
"Yes, we are." she said, flipping her hair. Summer and I exchanged looks and smiled. Good, Summer forgot what Elle and I did earlier.
We all ordered, and then sipped our drinks quietly.
"So," Summer said slowly. She looked at us and then changed her mind from what she was going to say. "Anyone hear from Gossip Girl yet?"
Elena and I shook our heads.
"When she takes this much time," I said carefully, "You know it's going to be bad."
They nodded in agreement.
Our food came, we ate. The warm food felt great going down into my stomach. Elena looked at me and laughed.
"Hungry, huh Cam?" they giggled. I shrugged.
"I haven't been able to eat."
Elena's face fell, and she saw something in me and went quiet.
"So that waiter was eyeing you, huh, Elle?" I said, trying to brighten the conversation.
Summer burst out laughing, "You saw that too, right Cam?" she said to me. We laughed, Elena blushing.
"Oh, Elle," I said, "So why are you parents here?" I asked.
Summer looked at Elena, "Your parents are here?" she asked.
Elena looked down at her plate, expressionless.
"We'll talk about that later, 'kay, Cam?"
I nodded slowly, "Sleepover?"
Summer fidgeted uncomfortably.
With GG's blog and all coming, nothing is comfortable at the moment.
Before heading to Elena's, I stopped at Starbucks, to meet up with Dakota. With all this drama and depression, I was dropping in school, which was not allowed with someone like me.
Anyway, being one of the top-of-the-class-girls, like Elena, and, before, me, I knew she could help me out.
I grabbed some coffee (just black, like Alex liked it) and sat down across from D.
"Hey," she said, taking her head out of her book, "I almost thought you forgot."
I smiled, "Aw, of course not." I grabbed one of the textbooks piled in front of her.
"So," I said, flipping through the Chemistry book, "What test is tomorrow?"
"Tests," she correct, "Chapter 10 in math, and Chapter 12 in science."
I looked lost into the book. "Page 342." she said with a smirk. I giggled, then sighed.
"Sorry, I've been really lost lately." I admitted.
She put her book down. "I've heard," she said, "It's alright you know. It happens to all of us." I smiled, barely.
"The best of us." I grinned to her. D was cool. And, though I found it rude to admit, around her, I really felt like the so-called "Queen of Monroe". Titles are hard to live up to, girls.
"Thanks D." I told her. She smiled.
"Now, the chapter is in 10 sections; I found it easier to go over it all by looking at the review section."
I groaned, she laughed, "It's easy, Cam!"
And so it was, the entire day- I found myself opening up to a girl I barely knew; a girl who wouldn't text it all to GG. Well, or so I hoped.
Overall, D let me think that maybe all could be okay without Alex.
But, that was before I had to go to the Rivera home.
Giant purse in hand, (full with a nightgown and other sleepover must-haves) I rang the doorbell, frowning. The door was never locked. Trust me- I've barged in thousands of times. Even through windows, but that was Alex's bedroom window...
The door opened, wide. A tight-faced women with a intimidating smile opened the door. She looked me up and down, seemed satisfied, and reached her hand out.
"Cameron DiVello." she said, shaking my hand with fake? pleasure.
"Mrs. Rivera." I said, smiling my best.
"I just saw your mother moments ago!" she said, "It's nice to be back in the city." I smiled, thinking, 'Well, I haven't seen her in months'.
She walked me into the house and lead me to the fanciest room in the penthouse, where she told me to sit on the expensive couch I've never even seen.
"Would you like anything?" she asked. I shook my head, "No, thank you."
Awkward silence. She seemed to be about to tell me something big. I gulped.
"Well, you're nothing like Alex's other putrid girls in the past." I smiled, almost falling apart at the mention of his name.
She frowned, "Well, Alex-"
"Cam!" Elena interrupted, flying down the stairs.
"Gosh mom, you didn't tell me Cam arrived."
"Well, I wanted to have a word with her." she said, giving Elena a frustrated look.
"I'll tell her." Elena said tightly.
"Tell me...what?" I said nervously.
"Let's go upstairs." Elena said, smiling fakely.
My stomach did flips.
- xoxo, Cam.