i'm in and can't get out, so soft.
soundtrack: SOFT - KINGS OF LEON


"Cam, I know you wanted to see Rob back at your door, and you wanted him to say he loves you and kiss you and for you to make love on that bed behind you... and I know it's just me now. But I want /you/ to know, Cam... that I lo- I love you. And I always have, and I always will."

Just nine hours ago, those words had come out of Alex’s mouth.

The moronic action that Rob had done {showing up to say something was probably no good, then having no balls to say a thing} had been taken the wrong way by Alex. And now?

I felt like sh!t again. 

Whatever I had been feeling since he dumped me, the numb feeling that kept all hidden, has clearly vanished. If someone walked into my apartment right now, and saw me lying on the floor in a bundle of Alex’s sweatshirt and tears, they’d run away screaming as if I were some kind of horror movie character.

I kind of looked like one anyway.

I was in shock, in depression. Alex, my love, my life. He’s done so much for him…and what the hell have I done for him? I didn’t deserve him, but I couldn’t live /without/ him. And why can’t I just go talk to him?

Well, because if I didn’t deserve him, I would let him know that.

That’s what I’ve been telling myself for nine hours now, and so far…it wasn’t going well at all. If I went to go see him…what could I possibly say? What I’m feeling now just can’t be put into words.

But I gave up, 10 hours later he left my apartment. I was a mess, but I brushed my hair, and put on tights and decent shoes and even managed to pick out a purse. I looked terrifying for someone who meant something behind my apartment door, but I walked past my apartment door with not one damn care.
30 minutes later, I was outside the Rivera household; I’ve been looking at the door to the inside of their penthouse for at least an hour now.

What to say, what to say…I thought for millionth time. But this time, my answer wasn’t stupid. This time, the answer was the front door opening.

I looked up, startled, absolutely embarrassed to see Alex like this…no, it was Elena.

She sighed. “How’d you know I was out here?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes with a bit of a smile. “I’ve been hearing you talk to yourself and pace around for the past 45 minutes.”

I blushed. “Is…is he here?”

She nodded. “He finally fell asleep. You can…
go…upstairs. I guess.” 

I nodded slowly, not wanting to even step inside. But I did. On my way up the stairs, I turned back slowly. Elena was sitting back down on the couch, reading a magazine.

“Hey…” I said.


“No, I mean, ‘Heyyy…’, it’s one in the morning. What are you doing up in that sexy dress?” 

She blushed. “I was…out.”

I smirked, thinking of her and Jack. But on my way up the stairs, I looked back at her and saw the natural rosy cheeks she had that I used to have when I first met Alex. I sighed, and then thought a little. She never had that color when she was Jack…

I put the thought away, trying to focus on the guy I was walking up the spiral staircase to see. Butterflies began to dance in my stomach, and I felt myself start to sweat under Alex’s jacket that I wore. It was starting to feel like my own skin.

I twist Alex’s bedroom door knob slowly, peeking in. I thought of the millions of times my hand has touched this doorknob and smiled. Now I was going to try my best to not make this the last.

I stepped in slowly, nearing his bed quietly. I saw his body going up and down with his steady breathing, though his back was to me. His bare chest {he was only wearing boxers} seemed to glow and appeared radiant in the moonlight come thru his bedroom window that looked out onto Manhattan.

As less-noticeable as I could, I popped off my shoes and sank down into the bed next to Alex. I 
listened to the sound of his breathes for awhile.

“I didn’t dump you, you know.” His deep lovely {now rapsy} voice said suddenly in the dark. I swallowed hard. I didn’t answer him, so he continued.

“I only…said…what I said, because if a guy like Robert does anything with you, it brings out the Cameron…I’m not very fond of.”

He turned to me, but looked straight ahead.

“I’m not very fond of that Cameron either,” I said, “But, you know, there’s not much I can d-do.” I wiped a quick tear. He frowned.

“Just like there’s not much I can do about me being a drug-addicted, moronic, naïve—“

“Alex!” I exclaimed, cutting him off. I pouted, leaning into him. “You’re everything…that’s perfect in my life. The only time I’m excited for anything in my daily day is to see /you/, to talk to you, to feel you…Alex, you’re everything to me. Even if some idiot named Rob tries to change that with a stupid crush, or if friends from the past say anything…”

I swallowed hard again. Alex was listening intently with wide eyes.

“I don’t care,” I said, “I just need you in my life, Alex. In any way. Every way. This sounds really cheesy, yeah, and I’m not one to letting my 
feelings out but…”

I leaned into him even more, so that his breath touched my face and his touched mine, “I love you, Alex. Every moment I’m without you it’s like…” I swallowed again. “I get sucked back into 
my old life, and I don’t want that.”

He lay under me, and I put my head down on his bare chest. 

“So…why was—“

“I had just gotten home from the pathetic happy brunch I had tried to put on, and he was just…there. Then he made up some lame excuse for why he was pacing around my front door and left. I don’t know. He’s scaring the hell out of me. After the night he completely molested me…”

I shuddered, and suddenly, Alex’s hands tightened on my arms.

“Cameron,” he said, “Being without you really hurts, too. I was stupid to not trust you, and I’m going to hope you realize that Eli and I were completely never, /ever/ together, and I hate her and them, and ‘Gossip Chick’ or whatever for splitting us apart. I’m sorry, okay?”

I nodded, tears coming out of my eyes involuntarily. 

“Ugh, sorry,” I said, blushing, wiping the tears away.

Before I could wipe another tear, he kissed it away.

“I love you, Cameron.” He said, placing his fingers on the diamond necklace around my neck that he gave me. 

“Je t'aime aussi, Alex.” I whispered. 

Translation: ‘Go to hell, Alex.’

Just kidding. ‘I love you too, Alex.’
He smiled. 

“Bon, parce que vous êtes coincé avec moi."
{Good, because you’re stuck with me.}

I giggled, then, finally, leaned in and gave him a long kiss.

The kisses continued, and like usual, my lips began to burn with that desire like fire. His hands began to discover my body all over again, and his kisses were roaming down my neck. 

Soon, his hands found my tights, and ever so slowly, they slipped off, and fell soundlessly to the floor. I raised my face from his perfect chiseled chest and looked him in the eyes.

“Nothing can tear me away from you, Alex. Please. Let nothing chase me away from you every again.”

He sucked a tear that came down on my face, and left a kiss on my cheek. But something in his face changed.


I gulped. “Yes, Alex?”

He sat up in bed, running his hands up and down my bare legs and up to his sweatshirt, and he smiled when he noticed I was wearing it.

“Well…” he started, his smile fading. “I uhm, got an acceptance letter from Columbia earlier.”
My jaw dropped. “Alex!” I yelled, “That’s awesome! That’s amazing!” I jumped onto him in a tight hug, kissing him multiple times.

“But Cameron…” he pulled me away. I looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’ll be way busier with work and all. I’m thinking about going into the Psychology field…you know how tough that all is. I don’t want to keep you from a bunch of fun with…guys and all because of me.”

I opened my mouth to say something like, ‘Alex! I’d never see anyone but you!’ but his face made me pause.

I gulped, looking down. “Does this have to do with you wanting to see…college girls? And me,” I said, my voice raising, “just a Junior girl, is stopping you from having fun!?” I was practically yelling now.

His face looked stunned, “No! Cameron, not at all!”

I sighed, looking up, since he made me with his hand at my chin.

“Not at all,” He said, looking into my eyes, “I’m saying this for you.”

I looked down. “I don’t think I’d be able to look at anyone the way I look at you, Alex.” 

He smiled a bit, “That’s very /very/ nice to hear. But…really. Your feelings might…” his face dropped, “Change for us when I’m away all the time; I’ll still be living at home, but still. 

"Never /ever/ let me stop you from having a social life. Though I don’t think you’ll have trouble with that,”
He said suddenly with a smirk, like always: 
changing the subject in serious moment.

I smiled weakly. “You’re crazy.”

He put me on top of him, “Just…know this: no more sex 24/7.” I dropped my jaw in fake shock.
“No! We can’t let that happen,” I giggled. He smiled, already pulling his sweater off over my head,

“Let’s start fighting back.”

And soon the fire started again.
Let the flames begin, girls…

- xoxo, Cam.
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Wrote 6 years ago
(hah, after you start "dating" alex watson, i found out he /is/ really cute. and your story is da bomb!)
lunch or starbucks soon?
-love, dakota

Wrote 6 years ago
aww, how sweet <3 i'm glad everything worked out for you two :) xoxo Char

Wrote 6 years ago
(Steamy story! Love it!)

Wrote 6 years ago
(p.s: alex is a babeee. THANKS BLONDIE !)





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metropolitan margarita nightlife. {MMN} [GEN.3]

metropolitan margarita nightlife. {MMN} [GEN.3]

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
- Oscar Wilde
It's alright to ask. We know you want to know who WE are...
Oh, wait. By now, you already know, don't you?
We are the privileged young adults that were born and raised in New York City's Upper East Side.
Some of us got to attend Verona University, the newest Ivy League nestled in the forests outside of the city,
but now we are making our way past our early twenties, spreading out across the island, but always, still, the talk of the town.
Here on the UES we have our very own blog on Perez Hilton's site—and it's run by me.
I'm one of you, except I have all the latest tabs on your favorite NYC socialites and It Girls and their every day lives—which means their every day scandals, dramas and secrets.
Their a dirty blend of old and new money—the Waldorf-DiVellos, the Carters, the Riveras, the Samuels—even families like the Schullers tried to leave and couldn't stay away.
But don't worry. If you're not a part of the inner circle, you can be seen with us once and I'll never leave you alone. You just become a #tag on my blog.
If you live in the city, you've taken up a sickness, you and your iPhone—keeping up with us and reporting our latest whereabouts to the website (or the Insta, or the app),
discussing the latest gossip with your friends. We've gone international, too. Whether it's royalty, the world's biggest boy band, or rubbing shoulders
with big names of Hollywood and the literary world—well, we can't really blame you for your obsession.
And who am I? Oh, darling, you will never know. I am the eyes and ears of this place.
I'm the one telling everyone what you did last night, what you're hiding, what your worst fear is—besides Yours Truly, of course.
Either way you know you are just dying to know more.
Who wouldn't? Guess you'll have to stick around like the rest of us.
[The 3 Golden Rules]:
1. Read and COMMENT on every member's story and/or group-related set whenever possible. A friendly tip: don't post a new set/story without catching up.
2. Write whenever you want to, whenever you are inspired. Minimum of one story OR set comment a month or you are not considered an active member. Not too difficult!
3. No drama, please keep it fictional ;) Don't be passive-agressive—please manage issues through PMs and privately. Don't mention someone else's character unless you are responding to their story and you have discussed a collaboration with them.
p.s. If you have any concerns, please PM @ahlexandra
[{MMN} Generation #1]
We are attached to our characters because we've been writing for them since their junior year of high school.
{MMN} Gen. 2 began with their graduation from Monroe Academy in Manhattan, NYC and their entrance to Verona University
(and new members joined as new classmates)
Monroe Academy Yearbook:
UES Girls:
UES Boys:
About Monroe Academy:
[{MMN} Generation #2]
Map of Verona:
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Examples of Housing:
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{The Dorms} http://www.polyvore.com/student_dormitory/set?id=36415398
Girls of Verona:
[Active Members]:
Alex writes and portrays Cameron DiVello:
Emily writes and portrays Elena (& Alex) Rivera:
Lauren writes and portrays Christina & the rest of the Schullers:
Gabby writes and portrays Gabriella Suarez:
Alexandra writes and portrays Effie Dumont (& Harry Styles nbd):
Sophia writes and portrays Holland Heath & Annabelle Green:
Sarah writes and portrays Tamara Bates:
Kirsten writes and portrays Emme Travis:
Nikki writes and portrays Everly Breckenridge:
Kat writes and portrays Chloe Christie:
Belle writes and portrays Dominique Biondi:
Morgan writes and portrays Autumn:
Lilu writes and portrays Ashley:
Dee writes and portrays Lexi:
Farah writes and portrays Natalie:
@recklessbehavior writes and portrays Adrijana Janković

@lemonade-lagoon writing for Ceci
@cestlula writing for Lizzie
@oh-jayne writing for Charlotte
@lalasparkles writing for Summer Roberts

Please message me if you are missing.

Thank you for your interest in {MMN}!
We are one of the most successful private writing groups (if not the most successful... :D) here on Polyvore
as we go into our 7th year as a tight-knit group, into the third "generation" of our characters as they go into postgraduate life.
I am very proud to say that {MMN} started with a bored 13-year old inspired by books and I hope that it continues on for as long as it can.
As of right now, we are not looking for new members. Please follow me if you wish to know if/when we have open auditions.
Alexandra (Alex) (@ahlexandra)
[last updated: 11/27/16]
All group information and side characters of {MMN} were created by @ahlexandra with help from her cousin @dirty.margarita♥.
Each character belongs to the member that created her. If our group info or characters are used improperly or without permission,
expect to be called out for it. Please respect the original creativity campaign on Poly.
This group was inspired by:
- The Gossip Girl franchise: the book series, and the TV show on the CW.
The fictional character 'Gossip Girl' belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar and is role-played in {MMN} with respect.
- Shows like Laguna Beach, The Hills, The City and 90210.
- The beautiful and inspirational New York City. and Monaco. and London.
- Gossip sites on celebs like Perez Hilton's and "Oh No They Didn't!"
{MMN was created on 11/1/09}
© metropolitan margarita nightlife. 2009

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triangles are hipster & so are we.

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