so happy i could die - lady gaga
alaska mcmahon - nwh
5/15/11

SUNDAY, MAY 15TH: Yesterday, we got news that they're rebuilding the rivercourt, so in honor of this lovely little place, go down with bottles of spray paint and go crazy! How do you want to be remembered?

*

I stood on the rivercourt, looking up at the sun. Today was the last day I would ever get to see my home. The River Court; I practically lived here in high school.

This place meant everything to me.

I shook the bottle of black spray paint and painted the words "Jay Walsh & Alaska McMahon" inside a heart.

Very cliche, don't you think? I thought it was perfect. In a matter of months I would be the happiest girl in the entire world.

The sun was bright on my eyes so I looked back to the ground. My head pounded but I ignored it.

Looks like the doctor was right. The accident had definately taken a toll on me mentally; I was stressed all the time, always on edge.

But I knew Jay would be there for me, take care of me, even if I should've been taking care of him.

"Alaska, hey. Where are you?" Jay said into the phone.

I smiled. "Marking our future."

I told Jay I'd be on my way home but before I left I took a few shots of my artwork and then stepped off the concrete and onto soft grass.

My childhood, I felt, was suddenly over. I wasn't a teenager anymore, I was getting married. 

Married...it felt so wrong but so right at the same time. I loved Jay, knew he loved me too, but there were things I still missed.

The person walking in front of me lit a cigarette, the smoke traveling back to hit me in the face like a brick wall. Oh sweet, sweet smell.

I shook my head and crossed the street. 

What I was doing was suddenly...completely not me. I think I may have had a stroke just then, because I cannot justify or explain or reason what I did then.

But I did it. And there's no going back. I walked up a small side street, and found the jackpot....literally. A man from my past was sitting off to the side of the road, smoking a joint.

"You're back," He snickered. "We missed you on the dark side. Drag?"

I quickly nodded and took one quick drag and then another. By the time I knew it it was already dark outside and I was baked.

"This is wrong," I whispered to myself. "I'm sorry Jay, just this one last time."

I closed my eyes and slouched to the dusty ground, joint still in hand. I took one last drag, before my brain took over and I fell into a dream state.

The last thing I remember before passing out is the joint in my shaky hand. 

(Comment 'this is it' if you read!)
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