TUESDAY JULY 6; The sun is out in full force today, so you know what the means: dig out your skimpy bikinis and floppy hats because we're laying out in our yards today.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Mason and I laid out on the beach with our tan bodies brushing eachother at our shoulders. I had my leg over his just in the attempt to be closer without actually moving. 

"Mason...?" I said slowly and quietly. 

"What's up, babe?" he said. 

"I've been thinking about something.." I said. I didn't know how to say this to him. I just didn't know what to say.

"What? You know you can tell me anything.. What's up?" he said sweetly. 

"I think.. that.. I think that I may be ready to.. have a baby. You know.. with.. you." My words were all jumbled up and awkward but it finally fell out of my mouth, what I've been thinking for so long. 

Mason looked straight at me. "What?" 

".. What do you think? Baby?" 

"I... don't know what to say, Pam. I just.. I don't know that I'm ready." 

My heart sank. Why? We had been married for five years now. I thought this was the perfect time. I was financially getting wealthier and wealthier from my keen management of the restaurant. My life was all fitting together like a puzzle, but there was just one thing missing. Why didn't Mason feel the same?

"Okay," I said quietly.

"Don't be upset.. We should talk about this," he insisted, sitting up. I followed him so that we were face to face, indian style on our towels. 

"What is there to say? I can't understand why, but if you say no.. what else is there to discuss?" I sighed. 

"Don't you think we should live it up while we're young?" he said. 

".. Are you saying you're planning to be a boring party pooper when you have a child?" I asked, keeping my voice calm, trying not to make this a fight. I have a knack for being patient, but if this kept up, I didn't know what I'd do. 

"That's generally the outcome," he said flatly. 

"Mason.. if you're afraid to start a life with me.. I don't know! I just.. don't know." 

"Let's just wait, Pam. We can wait a few years," he said soothingly as he saw me starting to get emotional. He touched my arms gently. 

"I don't want to have a kid in college when I'm ready to retire." 

"I don't want to have a baby crying when I'm ready to go out with the guys.." 

"You are always want to go out with the guys. You can't using that excuse, Mason. I know there's something else you're just not telling me." 

"Pam.. Let's just enjoy the day. Can we do that? I don't want this to turn into a yelling match when the sun is shining.." 

I looked out at the sun sparkling over the lake. It was a beautiful day and here I was stressing out. Mason was right about one thing, we were about to ruin a wonderful day. 

But why didn't I want to let this go?

I bit my lip. "Alright.. You're right."

He kissed my forehead. 

"We're continuing this later," I warned him. 

"If you say so.." 

So we laid back down and soaked in the sun. For the moment we were hapless in love again. At least, I hoped he felt that way to. But more and more I felt unsure.
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