you're not sorry by taylor swift
sorry for all the catching up i'm about to do!
thursday August 23;
I couldn't believe that the preppy Constance girls were sneaking into the pool. I guess all these upper east siders needed to let loose and forget about their families.
I saw Felicity come over as Ryan and I walked in. She shot me a look but smiled innocently at Ryan.
He put his arm around my waist and her face turned red. I quickly removed his arm after seeing her reaction.
"Do you guys want drinks?" she asked.
"I'm fine." Ryan and I said in unison. We both looked at each other and giggled. Felicity looked disgusted and left.
"I just have to go to the bathroom." I whispered to him and walked down the hall.
When I came back, Ryan and Felicity were talking. I walked over and Ryan came towards me and pulled me into the other room.
"Is it true?" he asked, yelling.
"You're a drug addict?"
"No Ryan, it's not like that!"
"Audrey, you know you can tell me anything. Why are you resorting to this?" He put his arm around me and leaned his head over mine.
"I-I don't really wanna talk about this here. Can we go home?"
He smiled as we left the school. On our way out, I saw Felicity watching us. I looked back to see her reaction, but immediately felt bad for her.
"Talk to me Audrey." Ryan pulled me onto his bed and I curled up beside him.
"Everything with my dad, my mom, my sisters. I don't know what I was thinking." I cried in his arms.
"I-I know how you feel." I looked up to him as he said it. "My parents, they're going through some pretty bad stuff. My dad's company is in some sh-t."
"How do you deal with it?" I asked him.
"I don't know. I mean, I've gotten high a few times, but believe me, it doesn't take the pain away for long."
"Thanks Ryan." I kissed his cheek and turned off the light. I pretended to sleep so we wouldn't have to talk about it.
friday August 24;
Ryan and I walked in to the Brooklyn loft to find a group of drunk kids dancing to techno music.
He spotted Felicity and quickly turned the other way.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's nothing. We're just having some issues."
"Is it because of what happened yesterday?"
"No no, it's just a bunch of things."
I could tell he was lying. It was because if yesterday. I was a total home wrecker.
I walked past Felicity and she stopped me.
"Felicity, I'm so sorry about what happened. I really feel terrible." I apologized.
"Just don't break his heart." she patted my shoulder and walked away.
How could I do this to Ryan? I was ruining his life.
I found a back exit to go get some air. It led me to an abandoned alley where I saw two people talking.
I walked over quietly, able to hear their conversation. "This stuff is hardcore, be careful." They guy handed the girl something and she gave him a roll of paper bills.
I met up with him and the girl stormed off.
"What do you have?" I nudged towards his pockets.
He showed me the contents of his coat pockets and gave me a sly smile.
I immediately thought of Ryan and what he said last night. How it doesn't make it better. I almost turned back around and left.
Then I was reminded of all the pain I had caused him and his friends. Of how badly I messed things up.
"I'll take it." I handed him all the money in my pockets.
He handed me the pouch, but hesitated as he counted the money.
"You're short." He grabbed the bag back but my hand quickly enveloped it tight.
"What are you talking about?" he held the bills in his hand and demanded more.
"You know what, I don't need this." I dropped the bag of pills to the ground and they scattered across the pavement.
I turned around and walked away but he grabbed my arm. "What the hell?" he yelled.
"Get off of me!" I wrangled my wrist around his tight grip but he pushed me against the brick wall.
"You owe me." he whispered angrily in my ear as I squirmed around him. He pushed even harder until I couldn't move.
The back door suddenly burst open and I heard a voice yell "Hey! Get off of her!" It was Ryan.
He pulled the guy off me and punched him. I ran into Ryan's arms, tears streaming down my face. "I'm so sorry." I whispered. He pushed me away.
"Are you ok?"
"Um yeah." I looked down at my scraped arm.
"Come on, I'll take you home."
I held a pack of ice on my elbow and watched Ryan pace across the living room.
"You really messed up Audrey." he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.
"I know, I'm sorry!" I ran up to him and tried to rub arm but he pulled away.
"I really can't deal with this right now." he grabbed his coat and walked out the door.
This was the end. I knew it. So I re-packed my bags and left.
I took a taxi to Rachel and Mackenzie's house. I knocked on their door and begged them to let me stay.
"What happened with you and Ryan?" Rachel asked, handing me a cup of hot chocolate and sitting beside me on the couch.
"We broke up."
She went into another room and brought out a beautiful little girl. She had light brown hair and blue eyes.
"Audrey, this is Lily." she handed me the girl and I held her in my arms. I played with her tiny hands and sang her a lullaby.
"I love you." I whispered to Lily when I put her in her crib and kissed her goodnight.
Comment 'a new beginning' if you read.
saturday august 25;
I woke up to soft cries from the nearby baby room. I had slept on the couch in my sisters' living room.
I walked over to Lily and cradled her in my arms.
"Good morning sweetheart." I tickled her stomach and made her giggle.
I looked at the clock and noticed that it was already ten am. I had gotten in pretty late last night after everything that happened.
Rachel and Mackenzie had gone to the market this morning and left a note saying they would be back by eleven.
I decided not to shower since I didn't want to leave Lily alone and tied my hair messily instead. I threw on jeans and a sweater.
I was holding lily in my arms when someone knocked on the door. I opened it to find Ryan standing on the other side of the doorway, fidgeting with his coat pockets. He always did that when he was nervous.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
I nodded and let him in. We sat down on the couch.
"Why did you leave?" he blurted.
"I don't know what's happening with us, but I can't live there. I mean, a week after I moved in, we were already doing you know what in your bed." I made sure to use kid friendly language with Lily on my lap.
"I have to tell you, last night after I left, I got super drunk and -" I cut him off.
"You don't need to explain yourself."
"No I do. I went to Felicity's and stuff happened. But I'm really not sure why. I would never do anything like that on purpose."
My mouth fell to the ground. “What?” I shouted, standing up.
“I’m sorry Audrey. I just-”
“You what? You just slept with Felicity.” I yelled, walking to the door. “I think you should leave.”
“Wait, Audrey, I’m sorry.” I pointed to the door and as soon as he left, shut it behind him.