red - taylor swit

you guys know that episode of 'Shake It Up' when Deena's mom is trying to throw her this big birthday party but she doesn't want it and she tries to tell her mom, but she won't listen and it's all a big mess??
well, THAT IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW.

my mom organized this big as.s party for me tomorrow BUT I DON'T WANT IT.

i mean, i'm extremely thankful to her and my whole family for being so thoughtful,
but
i H A T E being the center of attention. seriously.
i don't like people worrying about me or anything related to me. i just don't like people stressing over me; it makes me feel bad.

i mean, doesn't my mom realize the simple fact that i am way too socially awkward for this kind of things?!? 

i KNOW something's bound to go wrong tomorrow and i'll stress and fall into an even deeper depression. seriously, my mind's screwed up enough as it is; i do not need a freaking party to drive me to the edge!

ugh, i just DON'T want a party.
if it were you guys the ones there, then sure, i'd love it. 'cause around you i can really be myself and have a good time;

but it's my CLASSMATES && FRIENDS && FAMILY all together. waiting for me to disappoint them.

why can't i be normal and just enjoy my party?!?

or better yet, why can't my mom understand how frustrating it is for me to have a lot of people looking at me, judging my every move?!?

okay. i'm out now that i've ranted.
love ya guys. sorry to drop it all on you, it's not your fault.
bye
xoxo
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