Everyone thinks I'm so strong. They think I can make it through anything. Well maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm not the person they think I am. Behind the smiles and the tough girl act, I'm crumbling. I'm so weak it hurts just to force myself to smile. I feel helpless; like dust blown by the wind, too weak to resist. I don't want everyone to know how weak I really am. Don't want them to see the tears, see how sad I really am. I have to be strong for everyone around me. I have to help everyone. I can't break down. When I fall I have to pick myself back up and sew my wounds closed so no one will see the damage that has been done to me over the years. I can't let everyone know how bad things are for me. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. These are my problems to deal with not anyone else's. I feel horrible for telling my best friend and some other people about how I feel and what is going on. I trust them, but I don't want them to feel bad for me. I want them to be happy and only worry about themselves. The people I love should not have to worry about me. They should be happy and worry about themselves. I feel like I hurt everyone I ever get close to, so I try not to get close to anyone. But there are some people that crack my shell and wiggle their way into my heart and my secret life. There are some people I just can't NOT get close to, no matter how hard I try. And I feel bad for those people and honestly wish they would just leave me and find other friends that will not worry them with their issues. Wish they would realize that I'm hopeless; a lost case.