ll This Is The New Year - A Great Big World ll
^ figured this would be appropriate!
☼ As per tradition, Heath and Taylor Tate's parents are throwing one of their legendary New Year's Eve parties. Filled with glitter, kisses at midnight, and of course loads of champagne, the whole town is practically invited. So wear your best dress and make sure you have your affairs in order, just so it's clear who you'll be kissing once the clock strikes midnight.
I roll my eyes, reaching out and ringing the doorbell to Mr. and Mrs. Tate's house. I had done a few of Mrs. Tate's friends' weddings, and was somewhat friendly with her myself. They were nice people, in a nice house, that threw pretty nice parties. But was I in the mood for it now?
Of course not.
Socializing with a bunch of people I knew seemed less than desirable right about now. Especially since I had brought Thiago with me. Well, he had been invited individually, somehow being linked to the Tates, so here we were, standing on their front porch, awaiting someone to answer the door, my metallic sandaled foot tapping at a rapid pace as the seconds ticked on.
Thiago and I's relationship was still going on. I hadn't had the heart to end it just yet, even though I knew that tonight would be the night. Starting a new year meant I needed a clean slate, one that didn't include having him in my life.
Maybe that added to my already b.tchy mood. Because in truth I didn't want to have to break up with him. I loved him. He was so different from any of the other guys, and normally that would be a turn off, but instead it just made him special.
"I don't even want to be here," I groan, sighing as I jabbed the doorbell once more. The party couldn't be that busy, the least they could do is answer the door!
"Oh come on, you're just in a grouchy mood. Don't worry, once you get some champagne in your system, I'm sure that'll change your mind!" Thiago nudges me gently.
I roll my eyes once again as Mrs. Tate answers the door. "Nala, Thiago, hello!" She smiles warmly.
Time to play up the fake smile, I think silently, "So nice to see you," I say as we both step inside. "Thank you for having us," I hug her, gracefully kissing her on both cheeks.
"Thanks for coming. Go, get some drinks, have some fun!" She says with a gleam in her eye before she leans in lower, "And by the way, you and Thiago make a cute couple. He's a keeper!" She trills, elbowing me, prompting a laugh.
"Thanks," I smile, realizing that'll be the last time anyone will be able to say that about the two of us. Since, after tonight, the two of us will be no more. "Ugh, I need a drink," I say, turning to see if he had wanted one. If I was going to break his heart tonight, the least I could do would be to get the poor mother f.cker a drink. But he was already gone, lost in the heat of the party, probably off socializing with someone.
The party was certainly in full swing. The extravagant house was filled to the brim with people, their laugh's echoing off the high ceilings, the sound of their clinking cocktail glasses ringing in my ears as they all passed by in a sequined blur It looked like everyone in Healdsburg was here to celebrate. So I bobbed and weaved, stopping and chatting with a few people every so often before I got to the bar, self serve, where I poured myself some champagne, dropped a few strawberries in it and downed it right there. And it certainly wouldn't be the last glass of the night. I immediately poured another round. How I needed it.
If I was going to break my own heart, the least I could do would be to get drunk while doing it.
Why was I doing this? Why did I have to let feelings wreck me?
The other couples here looked as if they had it so easily. They all had that glow that radiated from them, all of them. They were so beautiful. Even the young teenage couples had relationships I envied. They just seemed so perfect, not a flaw to be spotted.
I couldn't believe myself. I was jealous over teenage relationships. A twenty-one year old jealous over a bunch of teens and their love lives.
"Drinking up?" Thiago appears suddenly, pouring himself a glass of champagne beside me.
I nod numbly, finishing off my glass and sticking it out towards him, motioning for him to fill me up once more.
"Feel any better?" He asks with a grin.
I shake my head, taking a sip of the bubbly.
"What's up with you?" He asks me, looking at me intently. "You haven't been acting yourself… you haven't been acting yourself for awhile really."
"I don't know… I just hope this year will be better than last. This year has been horrible."
"Has it?" He asks as one of his hands snaked around my waist, pulling me in tightly against him. "Things weren't all so bad this year. You and I got together."
Thiago and I getting together had turned out to be just about the only positive thing that happened over the course of twelve months. I was so happy with him for the time we spent together. So at ease. He loosened me up, he brought out the best in me.
But here I was, about the crush it all, for reasons I could never explain.
The night went on, dancing, champagne in all it's highness. I tried talking to some people, finding couples that were engaged to target and exploit my business even more. Thiago and I do some socializing with some people we knew, and there I was, laughing and smiling, but I knew that soon it would be time.
Five minutes to midnight I figured would be the time to do it. So then I wouldn't have to ring in a new year kiss and then crush it just like that.
"Can we go somewhere private to talk?" I whisper in his ear.
He smiles, nodding as I took his hand and wandered through the house, heading out the backdoor and into the backyard, where there was tents and tables, hanging lanterns perfect for the occasion. Well, not for this occasion.
"What do you want to talk about?" Thiago's hand returns around my waist, this time heading straight for my as.s. He obviously assumed when I said talk I meant make out, but really, I meant what I was saying for the first time. Even though for once, I really wish I didn't.
"Thiago, stop," I bat his hand away. "I really need to talk to you."
"Are you pregnant or something?" He raises an eyebrow.
"No! Thank God, no!" I sigh, "But I really have to talk to you. Can you be serious for like five seconds?"
"Okay, okay," He smiles. "What's on your mind, babe?"
"I think we should break up," I blurt out.
His face is shocked for a second before it turns to hurt. "Are you joking?"
"Thiago," I begin with a sigh. "I just I can't do this…" I bite my lip.
"Why?" He looks hurt, betrayed, confused. "What did I do?"
The look on his face almost makes me want to cry. "It's not you, I promise, but I just I can't do this, I'm so so sorry, Thiago," And just then I start crying, the tears coming slowly while my voice croaks.
"I don't get it… I don't get /you/." He looks at me sincerely, shaking his head, before then just leaving, going back inside as I hear the people counting down.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, they shout right as the ball drops and the fireworks burst over my head. I could hear the couples inside clapping, kissing, popping and clinking their champagne flutes together, all awhile, I found myself alone, crying outside on New Year's Eve, left to recover from a heartbreak I caused myself.