I feel like I'm faking too many smiles. I only have one or two real smiles a day. The rest are fake, never ever helping me feel better.
I really like hanging out with this person my friend hates, and I'm going through a dilemma. 
Books help me escape reality. I've reread the Harry Potter series many times, and convinced myself that I'm just reading it to refresh my memory, but while I'm writing this, i realize It was to escape from reality, read someone else's problems that are bigger than mine.
I feel like I'm trying too hard to be an optimist, to stay strong and not cry. Everyone around me doesn't realize I want to cry too sometimes. Nobody expects me to cry. I don't, though, even though no one is around. I remember reading somewhere, "Crying is showing weakness from your eyes." I'm not weak, though the "friend' who hates my other real friend is saying that i'm too weak. That I COULDN't have been sorted into Gryffindor on Pottermore. That I had to be in Hufflepuff, because she's under the impression Hufflepuff is for rejects and retards. And i called her my best friend? unbelievable, don;t you think?
I try to drown out what my mind says to me. 
I have a crazy crush that's getting out of hand. And I can't control it. I keep on telling myself, "I don't care much for this guy." but my heart tells me I'm being stupid, that I really do care.
I'm homesick for Hogwarts.
I feel like I'm dreaming too much. Dreaming too much of a perfect reality where everything is okay.
I can't wait for summer. I can't wait to go somewhere I fit in. I really want to be influenced by Luna Lovegood, but I realized she is such great person, that it's not easy being like her.
I'm convincing myself that fairytales can come true.
There's these people who really annoy me and bully me on purpose.
And one of them is somebody i thought was my best friend. And I just want to tell this person that i'm not going to try anymore. i just can't, I've pushed myself to the limit. If she wants me to be her friend, sure I'll be her friend, why not? But if she does't, i couldn't care any less about this.
I'm grateful for my friends, of course. But I'm left out all the time, talking with my friend that my other friend hates.
I'm just having the hardest time right now.
I just really needed to get that out.
Btw, I think some of these are super funny.
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6 comments

icyblupop
Wrote 4 years ago
@greenpandapace
You always make your, 'I'm so very surprised, I can't believe it, I'm being serious' face whenever you say that I can't be brave, I just CAN'T be a Gryffindor.

greenpandapace
Wrote 4 years ago
I don't! I just joke about it

icyblupop
Wrote 4 years ago
@greenpandapace
I'm a Gryffindor, and don't you doubt that!

greenpandapace
Wrote 4 years ago
is that true? btw i dont think hufflepuffs for retards I think its for loyal ppl. and i think ur the most loyal person I ever met!

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