Discover your style

i need to act normal so he won't leave
he wouldnt
but i need to be good
thinking about style a lot lately, style of 50s wonder woman meets 60s free woman
structure yet freedom
reality yet romance
because if i dress the part, i can believe the part
i can be normal & in love
well
maybe not deep passionate i-want-to-sing-about-you twirly dizzy kissing starry-eyed kiss-me-goodnight come-to-me-in-the-morning lets-runaway hearts-everywhere thought-consuming love
thats fun yet painful when you want too much
the beginning of summer i was fine
i had been on my own &his passionate love blew me away! i was literally overwhelmed with loving kisses. i was fine. then i got re-hooked. then he got a job/class & i sat at home waiting. i hate waiting the most. i dont appreciate the current moment or day when i wait. or expect. then i overanalyze in the midst of alone time then i self-hate
this is why i need confident, strong me. i have my own life & i dont need to wait around. not that i have nything going on now but i will.
when i dress all sexy business woman with a hippy twist of nature in my look.
im reallyb proud of myself for not being too pitiful for my saturday night all alone.
i shouldve done something cool like gotten high or cooked gourmet or even driven for a view or frozen yogurt. ehhh
why am i still writing its like nearly midnight. i wish i had started an actual novel. that would be cool. and i could be like consumed with that & when someone wants me instead of waiting around for them i could be like "you wait another 30mins. im busy with my novel"
ha
i wish changing yourself were as easy as sims
id just pay & change 1 trait. crazy-obsessive-needy would become driven for excellence or something useful
i love me though
and i have eaten a solid diet of bread slurpee chips gummies syrup icecream & chocolate today yet worked out twice dont even care
"because im crazy baby i need you to come her e & save me kiss me on my open mouth" <3
i am pretttttty. i can do this. so sleepy
you are my one true love!! loveeeeee
gosh i am deep in
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