I wasn't nervous.
It wasn't tonight's performance that worried me.
It was that other, unannounced performance that had to happen once when D. and I meet again. We were in the same town now. He wasn't hospitalised any more, we always had something stronger than strong. He was once my whole word. It was just the meter of time when we're going to meet again. Steven knew that. I could smell his fear as he kissed me slowly. He kept asking the question "do you want to see him?" and proposed few times that we go and visit him. I guess he just wanted to be sure and see me standing completely cold next to D. But I refused every time because I knew coldness is not the luxury I can afford myself when I'm with D.
People were arriving. Place was crowded. I was in VIP lounge with Soph and Lex when Victoria came. I stood up, gave her a glass of vodka and smoke of joint as she hugged me with her strong-workout-manic arms. Few days ago I talked to her and promised I'll meet her with Steven. She was great. We rapidly connected.
I called Steven and we all started talking when sound of gunshots interrupted us.
My heart jumped and I reflexively turned around to see if Soph, Jake and Lex are alright.
I cold feel someone pulling my hand and than I saw Vicky crying and hysterically going towards the door. We got outside. I almost fainted when I saw awful picture of Vicky's brother in a pool of blood. Vicky lifted the note that was next to his body and quietly mumbled "I always get what I want. No matter what."
Steven held his phone calling hospital.
"I'm so sorry I ruined your night, Ar," Vicky whispered and fainted.
I ran to her to held his head. "Help, help us!"
Emergency took Vicky and Paul. I sat on concrete stairs, Steven, Soph, Lex, Rosie around me.
"Sorry Ar but will we perform? We could cover with just instrumental if you can't."
My guitarist asked with sad, caring face.
I could see Steven shaking his head in disapproval.
Soph, who held my phone came and cowered next to me with smile.
"Look hun. You should perform. Vicky sent a message they are ok for now. Doctors are positive about this."
Steven took my hand and whispered.
"It's ok if you can't."
I smiled and wiped the tears.
I had to admit, I was always far from serious mafia job, I wasn't really used to seeing blood and someone laying shot.
"Yes, I can. For Vicky and Paul."
Gig wasn't that awesome. I was pretty unset and poorly concentrated.
Later, when Steven and I got home and laid in bed when I got the message.
"I saw you last night in the club kiddo. come tomorrow to my place. I will be happy to see you."
One more sleepless night.