NO LIGHT, NO LIGHT - FLORENCE + THE MACHINE
Part dos of my collab with
and @little-red (kinda sorta, hahaha)
POLYVORE'S TEXT LIMIT UPSET ME
SO HERE IS PART #1 OF MY STORY,
Notice how the pic of Cam is very high school
lou's bum is quite attractive, too
AND EMMA WITH TOM
Screaming, hands flying, pretty faces everywhere –
everything blurred together.
“C’mon mate, gettin’it!” Zayn slapped my back.
He was bouncing with excitement.
“It’s Madison Square Garden!”
I shrugged him off and went to stand by the door.
We were back in America, getting ready to kick off the tour of the states.
It seemed like the days were too long and nights too rough here.
I wanted to be home – except I didn’t know where home was anymore.
In 5 minutes, we’d be lifted on stage
in front of thousands
singing the same songs
over and over and over again.
I was sick.
Harry came and leaned on the wall across from me, his hands in his pockets.
“You don’t think she did it, do you?” I asked him, hesitantly.
His eyes popped open and he looked tired as he said,
“I dunno’ mate..” He looked at his feet.
Harry hadn’t been doing so well lately, either.
The rest of the group thought we were a lovely pair, I was sure.
Brooding, sleeping too much and too little, drinking often –
fuckin’ only thing got me through last night.
I kept picturing her
and /him/ - whatever his name was –
At first they were her bed,
the little single mattress in the sorority house.
The one I’d fallen asleep on with her
and then spilled tea on.
And then it was an unknown bed.
At a sleazy hotel or something…
Then in ours.
That was the worst.
on the lifts ya go,”
A ghost arm ushered me beneath the stage
and voices screamed my name
and Niall was jumping like a rabbit.
The lights were blinding.
“Good job boys!” A woman with a clipboard yelled.
She led us back to the dressing rooms.
I pulled the ear plug out
and Liam ruffled my sweaty hair.
“Don’t worry mate, you did wonderful.”
Somebody said something else,
but I wasn’t paying attention.
My stomach hurt.
We rounded the corner to see Niall
lifting a brunette over his head
and swinging her around.
I took a deep breath.
“Give me just a sec babe, stay right here.”
Niall gave her a kiss on the cheek and disappeared behind his door.
Cameron was leaning against the wall across it,
her lips in a smile and eyes shiny.
I started towards my dressing room.
Her hand caught my arm.
I looked up.
“How are you?” Her face softened, looking sympathetic.
Zayn and Liam headed for their rooms,
and Harry was nowhere to be seen.
I swallowed hard. “It’s not true, is it?”
I felt my palms shake inside my pockets.
“It’s just the fuckin’ gossip site, yeah?” I tried to laugh.
Cameron tilted her head to the side. Her smile melted.
“Aww, Lou..I’m sorry…”
My heart sunk.
(Did I have one anymore?)
I pictured her,
small and blonde.
With wide green eyes.
and innocent smile.
“I’m afraid so,” Cameron breathed.
Her face was oddly still, emotionless.
“I don’t know what I ever did to make her betray me..
I suppose I can only blame myself.”
I ran my hands through my hair,
looking for anything to grip onto.
The world was spinning.
“I can’t believe this…”
“She was with me the night before it happened too,”
Cameron’s jaw locked. “She did it out of spite…probably jealous..”
I pressed my hot forehead against the wall.
“I bet that’s why she broke up with you out of the blue,”
She kept going. “So she could be free to fuck him.”
My fist hit the wall with a crash.
There was a hole.
“I.. I’m..I’m sorry Cameron, I..”
“You’re not the one who should be apologizing,”
She touched my arm gently.
“Any time you want someone to talk to..I’m here.”
I clenched my teeth together.
My eyes burned.
“Thank you for…being honest.”
She smiled small.
“Someone has to be these days.”
Niall came out with a grin on his face
and wrapped his arm around Cameron’s waist.
I left before I had to watch too much.
“You didn’t seriously buy her bullshit, did you?”
Harry was sitting on the couch in my room.
I wiped off the blood on my knuckles
and leaned against the counter.
“Who the fuck am I suppose to believe, Harr’eh?”
My face was hot. “Ashley?”
“Why the fuck not? She’s been calling you for days, mate, you don’ even give her the time o’day! How do you expect her to explain herself when you won’t pick up the phone?”
“I can’t, Harr’eh. I can’t…hear her voice..”
He looked at me through the reflection.
“Cameron is up to something. I don’t know what but, fuck, I don’t trust her! And at least Ashley’s got a track record for bein’ honest. If you believe Gossip Girl so much then you should read all the things she says about the royal pain in arse.”
Harry knocked over a cologne bottle.
“You’re just saying that because she smoked pot with Effie once,” I spat, meeting his gaze through the mirror. His face crumbled. “Why are you defending Ashley all of a sudden anyway? Did you fuck her too?”
Harry’s jaw clenched.
He shook his head.
The door slammed.
October 5th ;
When the time came,
I was alone in Autumn’s bedroom
staring at my red dress.
Homecoming. The theme was Phantom of the Opera;
It reminded me of High School.
It felt like time was rewinding itself, slowly at first – now faster.
The blonde staring me in the eyes looked familiar but from a memory long lost.
There was vengeance on my mind
and anger in my heart.
Harry had called earlier. He’d said Cam had come to their concert.
She’d said enough to Louis to make it impossible to get him to even say my name.
I was shaking.
The door bell rang.
I expected Alex,
but instead it was Matt who was
waiting on the other side.
He smiled like he always did.
“Hey Ashy. You look hot,”
I smiled. “What are you-…”
Matt pulled a daisy out from behind his back
and handed it over. “I thought you might want a little support.”
The last time I’d seen Matt,
we’d fought and yelled,
and I’d felt like I’d lost a friend.
But real friends always come back.
Matt sat on Autumn’s bed while I applied my makeup
and did my hair – which he was enthused by –
and sang Lil Wayne rap here and there while
Autumn handed me macaroon after macaroon
and we all sipped champagne.
“So Alex Rivera, huh?” Matt raised his eyebrows.
I smirked at him through the mirror while I applied my mascara.
Reflections were never quite what they seemed.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Ashley?” Autumn wiggled in her chair. She pulled her feet to the side and smoothed her dress. “You and Cam…it’s like you’re going back to high school. Pulling each other’s hair in field hockey uniforms and having the student body separated in half like it was a war or something…”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Matt ran his hands through his hair.
“Things are so boring around here lately… since when did the Upper East Side’s most notorious stop being notorious? I think it’s good Ash and Cam are bringing a little bit of drama back,”
He winked and nodded his glass at me.
Autumn rolled her eyes.
I crossed my arms. “Cameron has gone way too far. She’s destroying my life one step at a time. How do you think the internet caught fire so fast with all of this, huh?” Auti’s eyes fell. “How am I suppose to take that? Lying down?”
They looked at me,
both seeming to understand.
“And maybe Matt’s right,”
I turned back to the mirror, running my hands down my dress.
It’d been forever since I’d worn a real designer. I bit my lip.
“Maybe we do need a little spice back in our lives…”
The doorbell rang again.
This time it was Alex.
He was dressed in a tux,
hair slicked back with a mask over his head, and no flowers;
He grinned. “I thought a bouquet would be too cheesy.”
I grabbed my mask off the dresser.
“You were right,” I said.
Verona rented out the Met for its Homecoming.
We stopped on the stairs where I asked him to put my mask on for me –
it was black, matching his tux the way his mask matched my dress –
and he took my arm in his.
“You good?” I asked.
I pulled him inside without an answer.
The inside was full of Verona’s disguised students
and the décor was mostly black and white.
The music blasted and the walls shook
and I had one flashback too many.
I scanned the crowd,
my eyes falling on people I didn’t recognize here and there.
A boy with a black suit and a dark navy mask passed by
and I felt like I was being stared at.
Alex seemed preoccupied, too.
His eyes were everywhere,
searching for her,
We danced for a while
and he told me I looked pretty
and I told him to stop staring
or he’d have an aneurism.
(It was a joke)
And I told him he looked handsome in his mask
And then we drank the spiked punch –
courtesy of Rob –
and I danced with Matt, (who was easy to spot, mask or not)
and Alex danced with Elle.
And then I found her
in Nate’s arms.
And she found me,
We met in the middle of the floor.
“I don’t understand why you did it. You knew how much that movie meant to me.”
Cam smiled wickedly. It was familiar.
“Thanks for fucking my ex fiancé,”
“Don’t call me Cam,”
She flipped her hair. “You lost that privilege after a cheap fu*ck.”
I found myself swallowing the opportunity to say,
‘About as fast as you lost your virginity in high school?’
It was surprising how easy it would be to say it.
I stayed silent.
Alex was close behind.
I knew because the narrowed brown eyes behind her mask
kept flicking to a spot over my shoulder.
“I can’t believe you brought him to Homecoming,”
Cameron hissed. “Being a one night stand wasn’t pathetic enough?”
“Pathetic? You want to talk about pathetic?” We were getting closer, slowly. “Who pretended to go to her boyfriend’s concert to be “supportive” just so she could get his best friend caught up on all the gossip? Think how Niall would feel if he knew.”
Her lips twitched.
“You were always jealous of me and Alex.”
“You weren’t even together. Why does it matter so much if you claim to be so desperately in love with Niall?”
“Because it still hurts, Ashley!”
For a split second,
I saw Cam behind that mask.
She was holding back tears
and her hands trembled.
“I’m sorry, I know, I was..I was just drunk Cam..”
I started to reach out for her,
but she slapped my hand away.
“What did I say about calling me Cam?”
Her face was expressionless.
“Why are you being such a Queen b*tch all of a sudden?”
My voice was louder than I meant it to be.
Cameron stepped in my face. “Why are you being such a sl*t?”
Elle came between us.
Cam pushed her, and Elena went stumbling back.
I caught her elbow just in time to keep her from falling.
Alex had her other arm.
The crowd that had formed broke apart
and groups went everywhere.
Some yelled for Cam,
some for Ashley.
Cameron started to yell something else,
but Alex had moved behind her and was pulling her out.
Elle looked at me
and I wiped my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head.
She hugged me.
“I am so sorry.”
There was a group of other girls fighting beside us,
yelling over Camlex and Ashlex,
and another group fighting over an entirely different group of people,
and another group falling over their feet after too much punch.
Faculty were everywhere, searching for the cause of the mayhem.
Elena and I headed for the front door
but somewhere along the hoards of people I lost her
and I found myself in an empty hallway.
There were footsteps (the sound of a worn out pair of heels – a chaperone).
I took off towards the exit sign and ended up at the back of the museum.
There were a couple of people stepping out onto the sidewalk,
apparently having taken the same route.
There were two girls off to the side with their dates,
and a guy in a black suit with brown hair sticking up.
I don’t know why
but I walked towards him.
My hand grabbed his arm
and he turned to look at me,
confused. I let go.
“Sorry I thought..I thought you were..”
He gave me an odd look and walked away.
The boy in the black suit and navy mask leaned up against the stairs.
His hair was sticking up in tuffs on top of his head.
He looked cool,
and my heart raced.
I reached up and took off his mask
and tears fell down my cheeks
and collected in a pile
beside Louis’s feet.
“We’re supposed to be on the road tonight,”
Louis’s golden eyes were hard. He didn’t look straight at me.
“I’m taking the jet to New Jersey in an hour.”
“I just came to watch the show.”
I wanted to bury my face in his chest,
knot my fingers into the hair above the nape of his neck,
make him smile, make him laugh,
make him do anything besides look at me the way he looked at me now.
I started to cry.
“Louis, I-I.. am so sorry…Please, let me explain..”
His jaw was stiff and gaze cold.
“We weren’t together…and I was so upset…Please..”
because I didn’t have any words that could sway him,
because I had no argument to justify it all.
I was just what Cam said I was – a sl*ut.
Almost without thinking,
I wrapped my arms around him.
He didn’t move, but I squeezed tighter,
until he almost brought himself
to move his arms around my waist.
But then he unhooked my grip,
and when I looked up, his irises were burning with silent rage.
“I don’t want to believe it..but da*mnit Ashley,”
His face was red and cheeks stained.
Even angry, he looked unreal under the moonlight;
unwavering, strong – he was my guardian.
“You really f*cked everything up,”
He pressed his knuckles to his eyes.
My mouth was too dry to form words
and he was finished.
I reached for his hand.
He moved it away.
“Goodnight, Ash.” Louis threw his mask on the ground by my feet
and left me standing alone.
Slowly, I sunk to my knees on the steps,
and heaved and sobbed until my stomach hurt.
I never let go of the mask.
- xx, Ash
ps. "No light in your bright blue eyes"
Louis's eyes are blue...
...no light...he's angry...
THE TITLE WAS A CLUE
PSS. @emgeemtee EVERYONE SHIPS CAMLEX
I mean I don't exactly ship either,
BUT STILL - WHY GUYS, WHY?
ASHLEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM?
..or am I actually really offended?