Okay, in these lyrics, I can never tell if it's "doll" heart or "dull" heart because of Mar's accent :c 

♥ Lolita Phenomenon ♥ Introduction ♥

Summer of 2O11, soon to be the school year of 2O12. 

Just like any teenager in the 21st century...the first thing on your mind is your Facebook notifications, or the amount of friends/followers you have gained on whichever site. I was the kind of girl who posted lyrics every two minutes and was absolutely quiet around people. I didn’t know why I was so shy, and I still am, but for some reason, I opened up to people easily through a computer screen. I felt more secure communicating with strangers than my classmates. Maybe it was because they couldn’t judge me and I knew I’d never run into them. I had already made bad impressions with people at school last year, and they obviously weren’t planning on talking to me anytime soon. I didn’t care how often I posted, or how many pictures of myself I took. I just wanted attention. The attention that I had craved since the day I’d been born.

Summer was depressing for me since I was never allowed to see my ‘friends’, as if I had any, and I was just locked up in my house, staring at a computer screen, waiting for a Facebook notification. 

All of a sudden, I see the little Friend Request at the top tab of my window. I clicked and read the name of “Eli Maxwell” as well as the bottom little words saying “34 mutual friends”. To be honest, I wasn’t going to accept. I didn't know him, and he didn’t even have a profile picture to verify if he was hot or not. But then I was like, “Nah, it’s not like he’s ever going to talk/meet me. Whatever..” and made the mistake of clicking “Accept”. 

This was the era of the “Like this status”. I posted one that seemed like a survey, he later on Liked along with a handful of my friends and classmates. Once I posted on his wall, he sent me a message saying “Heyy”. At first I was like, “Ugh get away from me or I’ll fall in love with you.” but then I gave him a chance ; the honor of talking to me. 

Unfortunately, we kept talking for about an hour, until he had to log off, and my mother proceeded to yell at me to get to dinner and shutdown my laptop. This wasn’t fair. He was being nice. That was very, very rare in boys.

No one had ever been genuinely nice to me, except my best friend Camilla. She and I have been friends since the 3rd grade. In 5th grade, some d-uchebags started talking about my...flaws and lack of beauty, as well as her non-slim figure. It was the first time I cried in class, and since then, we’d become best friends.

As I talked to Eli...I realized how motivational and inspirational he was to me. I wanted to be just like him, except I’d be the female version. I only talked to him about boys...and crap. There wasn’t anything else to talk about...

Eli was the kind of guy that everybody wanted to talk to, or be around. I’m guessing he was the popular guy at school, although he’s in college now. He gave me advice on how to overcome my shyness and speak up, and start a conversation in person, and how to get over my (first/only) ex-boyfriend from the 6th grade, Ryan. 

In my pathetic mind, I was still in love with Ryan and everything about the 6th grade, although my false friend ruined it for me. Our relationship was just a dare. Rock, paper, scissors. Whoever wins chooses who you have to ask out. End of story.

I didn’t know why I still liked Ryan after he dumped me for about 10 times, just because I stopped talking to him, or going to the apartment building where my false friend and him lived. It wasn't love after all. 

We were both afraid of being alone...

Until next time, dear diary,


♥ Penny ♥

@stars-and-moon @anahelenaliveshere @thatsstellar and anyone else who wants to read. xx
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