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I literally am passionate about one thing right now.

It's absolutely horrible. 

I am extremely infatuated with this guy. Who is kind of a loner, he's an aries. I barely know the guy but he's so attractive. 

I mean he's very frail, super tall and thin. But I find his quirkiness, quietness, and mysteriousness super attractive. I mean I literally think about him constantly.

I've been obsessed with him before but I've never gotten this close. It's always been from afar but now I am closer. Like I actually talk to the dude.

When I first laid eyes on him I was infatuated. But now it has turned into an obsession because he is in my spanish class (again) but now he notices me in the best way.

Like my teacher thinks I'm funny and so does that whole class and it's mostly because of my cat bite that happened before (check out previous set) I made these posters with my face on it and it was for this stupid choir thing. Anyway...

I feel this stupid addicted feeling to him. Yet I do not know him. Nor do we have much in common he's a loner stoner type and I'm much more of a clean loud obnoxious person.

This guy has seemed to notice me by his body language. We make eye contact and when I was gone in class we were supposed to be in a group and he asked my friend where I was and then told her that he thought I was really funny. And when we did work in a group he pretty much laughed at everything I said. 

We haven't been in a group in awhile but he seems pretty friendly in his gestures towards me and he isn't a very extroverted guy. Like he's nice when you talk to him but he never really goes out of his way to talk to someone he doesn't really know. I've observed that.

Also when I had to leave early from class he told me "buena suerte" on my softball game. Then when I walked by him the other day I glanced and then kept on walking without really looking at him and my friend said he looked and me happily with "affection" so she said. But she's one of the most honest people I've ever met so I believe her. And then today when I was talking to my teacher he interjected a comment of pride of our Hogwarts house. Even though he wasn't in the conversation.

Well I'm extremely attracted to him. I want to be his friend, at least. And I feel so accomplished because I've been fond of him since the beginning of last year and now finally we kind of talk. And I definitely notice the difference between the two like when he didn't care about me and now when he thinks I'm funny.

I also like the idea of him because he's not super flirty and friendly with everyone. You can tell when he likes someone/cares about someone/interested in someone and when he's not. It's never false. Or so it appears. I guess I don't really know the dude. But I feel like we have a similar taste an fondness of the cinematic arts and music. 

I just guess I need to get to know him. But I am not sure how. I am a coward. I need to be a bit more relaxed and strike up more conversation in person with him. I just fear that he'll end up not liking me at all.

All that I have ever wanted. EVER really wanted in life is to find my significant other and to run away with them to places that I have never been before. I want to find love and see what it's like to lie on a field with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them and look into each others eyes and we needn't speak because we know.

The beauty of not needing to speak. Of being ok in the perfect silence. I also hope that he'll be deep and be able to talk some intense philosophy and accept me the way that I am. 

I do find myself beautiful. Like I have a great personality, maybe not the best looks but my personality is great even if I do get a little annoying. I just fear. and my FEAR is controlling me. I'm so afraid of what might happen in relationships. Not that I've ever been in one. But that's why I'm afraid because I do not know how the other will react.

Help me to control it.
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