She's got a stargirl complex and no money.

Stargirl Complex
(noun)
A phrase coined by Lydia. It is a state of mind held by those who wish to be more, something creative, such as an actress or writer, but as their dreams begin to slip away, they are left in a dreamlike world. They are never able to fully grow up, out of fear that they will never achieve their dream, so they live their life simply mimicking the way things are. Or the way they wish things to be.
The actress will always be acting, every state of mind is a role, which creates a sense that the actresses' own self is a role as well. The Writer will continue to write, narrating their own life in their head and becoming a story (or perhaps becoming so secluded and wrapped up in their own made up tales, that they are left with the realization that their stories have more life than they do). There are several other cases of this, but these are the most easily explained.
I find myself part of both the actress and the writer role. I am forever in love with the idea of myself as this famous person, adored by many, that I don't think I will ever come to terms with the fact that I may not be. As a result, I find myself trying to rewrite myself as a new character, a free spirit, who doesn't say goodbye. It works with my backstory. I've moved many times, I'm an outcast of sorts, and I can't really seem to pin down what accent I have. The only problem is that while I have mystery, I don't really have anyone that wants to peel back the curtain and step into my world.
Apparently this kinda stuff is anti-feminist, and I'm trying to be a manic-pixie-dream-girl, and a subject to the male gaze. I don't know if this actually is the case-- I can't really figure out my head right now. But this is the closest I've come so far to seeing why I am the way I am.
 
Oh and these clothes are just things I like.
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