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Hey guys, long time no see. It's kinda hard to explain what's going on right now, because I don't even know what is happening either. But for some reason for the past few weeks I haven't been able to sit down and actually make a set. For the longest time I was in denial and tried to make myself believe it was just laziness, but now I feel like it's more than that. It's lack of motivation. Even though I have sponsored sets to make and all that, I can't actually /make/ a set and it's been killing me. I'll never leave this website forever, maybe I just needed a break. So now I'm trying to go online every day starting today.

Anyway, update on my life I guess? Good news or bad news first? I'll start with the bad news. Right now I'm at a point where I don't feel happy or sad, just kind of numb. And when you've been sad for so long you almost miss it, you want it back. Because without the sadness I am so boring. It's terrible to think that way, I know. But I know I won't be sad again, I'm still in this state of numbness. And there's also this other terrible thing. Two weeks ago I started feeling a sharp pain in my gut and then I developed a digestive problem, which restricts me from eating many foods for a long term, and maybe even the rest of my life. I'm not going to talk much about it.

Rant aside, here's the good news I guess? My blog has been getting incredibly popular, mostly on Instagram. I'm even invited to a fashion show to sit FRONT ROW and it's today! And after that there's a meet and greet I have to attend so people could meet me?? I'm kinda floored by the whole thing, this is such a huge opportunity, especially because I'm going to be the youngest blogger there??? The only thing that's making me doubtful is that I feel like no one will want to meet me, they'll probably want to meet the other bloggers but what the hey, today's gonna be pretty damn fun. Also I've been doing SOOOO well in guitar! I've been trying to learn The Black Parade in order, so so far I've learned The End, Dead!, This Is How I Disappear, The Sharpest Lives, I Don't Love You, and House of Wolves. I did it with all the solos too! And since I have an acoustic guitar all the solos and everything sounds jazzy almost. (I haven't actually learned Welcome to the Black Parade itself because that one is hard as fvck) I've also learned Helena, Smells Like Teen Spirit, Song 2, and a bit of Caraphernelia and Stingray Affliction. Caraphernelia is actually very hard though. Anyway I've been studying electric guitar models already, I don't know which one I want. Does anyone have experience in guitar? Can you please message me about gear and stuff? But yeah, my desire to play in a band has increased dramatically. I think it's because I found my favorite band. I don't know if you've been able to tell already, but it's MCR. You can probably figure that out from my personal instagram and my band blog. And yeah I knew about this band in the past but /HONESTLY/ the only songs I knew were Welcome To The Black Parade & Na Na Na. Otherwise I didn't really know much about the band. While I was on Pandora I came across one of their older songs and I really liked it, so I decided to give MCR a shot and hOLY SH/T I'VE BEEN MISSING OUT. The sound, the guitars, the vocals, the meaning, the lyrics, the concepts, the albums, the style of everything is INCREDIBLE. And you could relate to the songs SO MUCH. And for the songs you think you can't relate to, you end up realizing how beautiful the whole record is because of the meaning behind it all. And legit, everyone in the band inspires me so much. The reason why I gave guitar playing a try again was actually because of Ray! And Gerard makes me want to be a better person, inspires me to be a happier one. I also love how they got the whole rock scene together. Because in the past (from my knowledge) the punks hated the glam metal and the britpops and the britpops hated the grunge or whatever (I don't really know much about this, sorry) But this band's style basically includes ALL alternative influences that it brought all the punks, metal heads, etc back together. (Idk, I read about this in an interview sorry if I sound uneducated) But yeah I think that's phenomenal, too. I can talk about this all day. I've seen ALMOST every interview, live video, behind the scenes, and music video from them. I've been telling my mom (yeah oops sorry I don't have any friends) for the past 2 months about how much I fvcking love this band. She thinks they're making me a happier person, too. 

[Don't remind me about the breakup because I know they're broken up but it's much easier for me to be in denial about everything because being reminded of that will make me reallllly sad - like I tried reading a paragraph from the MCR biography (which is a book about their start, peak, and breakup) and I LITERALLY CRIED from reading the single paragraph and it was hard for me to even get out of bed]

[Yeah and I know I'll probably get some annoying a/s/s questions on Tumblr or something saying "If you really liked My Chem then you would've been there from the start!" I don't think you understand- they made their first album when I was 5, I was literally 5]

So yeah, uh I guess that's my explanation. Comment your favorite band if you read everything. Replying to PM's now.
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