when i think back to how comfortable i used to be with the darkness, it kind of surprises me that i’m able to laugh and even enjoy some things now. you get so used to being alone and only having yourself to take care of you, you’re fine with the fact that your bed is made out of ice and you’re always 100% frostbitten to the core. your stomach never stops hurting, but that becomes normal for you. you’re too weak to eat, but your new strength is how drained you are and you know you can only go up from here. it’s tough sometimes not to close yourself off to even your closest friends bc every once in a while you remind yourself how scary it is to trust, but i’m really proud of myself. i’m alive & i want to do as well as i can for myself and that’s all i really need right now.

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