- shelter by the xx

(con't from http://polyv.re/1fC9CYg)


The water was still running. I paced back and forth in front of the mirror, avoiding my reflection at all costs. How did PJ know? How did he find out? Was it some simple conversation between Jeff and him, my brother bragging about the new model he was banging, or was it something else, something Jeff intended to keep secret and PJ managed to find out on his own? Regardless, my stomach churned unhappily with each step, seemingly unable to regain composure. Jeff /was/ right in a way - I guess this really didn’t involve me - but it still hurt so much.

I heard a soft knock against the bathroom door. “Luce… can we talk about this, babe?” Johnny’s voice echoed in from the other side of our hotel room, soft, sweet. Him speaking like that wasn’t helping anything and would only make me forgive him faster. 

“What is there to talk about?” I replied lamely, turning my back to the large mirror and leaning against the bathroom counter.

“I never meant to hurt you with this.” My heart twinged in my chest at his words. Was I hurting him by doing this too?

“Well,” I started, though my voice cracked mid-way through the syllable, “You f*cked up.”

“I know,” he called back, “I know and I’m sorry. Really, goose, I’m sorry.”

I cleared my throat, rubbing my hands along my thighs before getting up off the counter and shutting off the shower. I turned towards the door and unlocked it swiftly before pulling it open. Johnny had been sitting on the floor outside, though he quickly rushed to his feet and made his way towards me, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants. I glanced down at the toes of my shoes, averting my gaze and avoiding his warm, brown eyes. 

He leaned against the sink expectantly before speaking again. “Do you want to yell at me?” He inquired.

I shook my head, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “No.” Yelling at him would probably only make me feel worse. I wasn’t a yeller.

“Do you want to know why I didn’t tell you?”

I took a few seconds to formulate my response but came back with nothing. I did manage to add a simple “why?” in my defense.

I felt his hands at my sides suddenly, pulling me closer towards him. “Because I remember last year too,” he murmured, his voice a breathy whisper sending shivers up my spine.

“What does that have to do with keeping this a secret?” I asked, finally earning up the courage to meet his gaze. He looked like a sad, wounded puppy. I hated that I was doing that to him.

He rubbed my arms gently. “You remember how much that hurt you?” He whispered.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I do.” How could I forget?

“I was afraid that you would feel that way again if you found out right away…” he trailed off, pausing before releasing a pent up sigh. “I know I should have told you though.”

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say.

“I’m sorry…” he took my hands in his, rubbing his left thumb across my knuckles gently. His skin was cold.

I nodded, suddenly feeling all the more guilty. All he was trying to do was protect me. “It’s okay. I just don’t feel very good right now.” My stomach still churned nonetheless and I felt like I was going to vomit. Sybil was hooking up with my brother. Just the thought left a disgusting taste in my mouth.

He kissed my forehead sweetly, brushing back my hair. “Do you want to go lay down?”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his torso and pulling myself closer towards him. He made me feel better, though, just being in his arms. It felt honest and right and… and like I was home.

He kissed my cheek softly and lovingly, his arm wrapping itself instinctively around my shoulder, protectively. 

“I’m sorry I got mad at you,” I admitted. Us Tremaines could certainly be stubborn when we wanted to but somehow, Johnny made all that fade away.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he replied, rubbing my back.

“It’s okay,” I shook my head, holding onto him still. He kissed the top of my head. “I love you,” I glanced up at him again.

He chuckled lightly. “I love you more.”

“I love you most,” I argued, smiling despite myself. And that was how things worked between us - we couldn’t stay mad at the other for too long.

“Unlikely,” he grinned. 

“It’s truuuue,” I shook my head, pinching his side.

He smirked, picking me up and pulling my legs around his waist, his sheer strength still surprising me, even after all this time. “Not true.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in closer. “Is to.”

“Nope,” he closed the distance between us and kissed me, locking our lips together hungrily. I held his face in my hands, forgetting about Jeff and how upset I had been only minutes before, throwing that entire part of me away for the time being. I couldn’t let that ruin us, ruin this. We were in Paris and Christmas was only a few day aways; moments like this only happened once in a lifetime, at least for people like me.

He carried me out of the bathroom, heading towards our bed without interrupting the kiss. I rubbed his neck before he laid me down gently, leaning forward to kiss me again. I held him close, refusing to let go before pulling him on top of me.

“I thought you weren’t feeling well,” he ran his hand down between the valley of my breasts and to my stomach, lightly playing with the hem of my shirt. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“I feel better now,” I protested, running my hands through his hair.

“Naturally,” he laughed. I giggled and shot him a look before he gave me another light kiss. “I love you, Luce.”

“I love you too, PJ,” I replied, pulling him towards me again.

I truly could never stay mad at him for long.


(type 'can i make it better?' if you read it all)
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