stood in the rain and watched you go, I feel a lump in my throat, and this is far from joy

[collab with my pretty princess @ssaarah :)]
 
Julia,
GNY
 
flashback;
 
I leaned my back against the wall, smoothing my dress as I glanced at the clock. 6:26 pm, that meant that Trey was going to be home in minutes...or at least I hoped so. Today was our first anniversary together and I had avoided the subject the last past weeks in order to surprise him at the right moment. The door squeaked open, making me jump a little, and I grabbed the handle to spread it completely. "Hi baby!" I said enthusiastically as I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend's neck and pressed my mouth against his.
He smiled against my lips, his hand landing on my hip to pull my body against his. "What are you doing here?" He asked softly once he broke the kiss regretfully.
"I made dinner for us..." I trailed off as I stared into his gorgeous eyes, my heart beating so fast that I was afraid it'd jump out of my chest. I was so in love with this guy that sometimes I didn't even know how to explain my feelings. "Since it's our anniversary, you know." I added.
"Oh is it?" He grinned and gave me a bouquet of pink tulips which he was keeping hidden behind his back. I had been too focused on his face to notice.
"Oh Trey." I beamed at him as I dipped my nose into the flowers, "You know how to make me happy."
"I try." He said quietly and let me kiss him again before closing the good behind us.
I followed him to the kitchen, still admiring my bouquet and waiting for my boy to notice how I had set his apartment. "I try too." I smirked as he looked at me from over his shoulder, his eyes wide.
"When exactly did you get here?" He asked suspiciously.
I shrugged, "This morning." I explained like it wasn't a big deal. Truth was I had been cleaning his apartment, put candles everywhere, the kitchen was immaculate and the small table in its middle was set for two with a bottle of champagne waiting for us. I wasn't even legal to drink, but having an older brother had its perks.
“You’re amazing.” Trey scooped me up into his arms and kissed my lips hard, just they way I loved it.
“Mmmm” I moaned against his mouth and he moved his hands to my as.s. “Trey we have to eat first” I smirked, sucking on his bottom lip and just tempting him more.
“Why is that?” He grinned, trailing kisses down my neck as I broke in his arms. I couldn't resist him, ever.
“Uhm…..” I trailed off, leaning my head to the side to give him more access.
“It smells so good.” He said out of nowhere, pulling away from me as I pouted.
“You’re such a tease……”
He turned his head back to look at me and smirked. “You’re the one who said you wanted to eat first.” He pointed out.
I grinned at him. “Fine silly man.” I wrinkled my nose at him before making my way to his kitchen before he stopped me, holding my waist lightly. “Are you going to keep seducing me?" I asked, looking up into his eyes. Not that I was complaining.
He chuckled. “For the rest of your life hopefully.” He teased. I felt my face flush at the thought of a whole life with him and he pushed my hair back gently. “I didn’t give you your present yet”
“Trey….”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped box to put in front of me, my eyes widening. We were too young to get married, right? “It’s not a ring.” He said it quickly, like he was reading my mind.
I smiled, and opened the box slowly. “A key?” I looked up at him.
He nodded. “I want you to move in with me Jules.”
I looked at him through my lashes, my eyebrows rising slowly. "Are you serious?" I asked quietly, his question leaving me beyond surprised even though it wasn't even a question and the tone of his voice sounded pretty sure. We had been together for a while now and I spent as many nights as possible with him, just I had never seen that coming. Yes I was surprised, but in a very good way.
He nodded again, his eyes glancing down as he reached for my hand before looking up at me again. "Yes. I want to wake up next to you every morning."
My smile widened to the point that my cheeks hurt as I guided his arm around my waist and leaned my body against his. "I love you so much Trey." I paused to bit my lip, pretty sure that I was blushing now, "And I'd love to live with you."
"Is it a yes?" He questioned as he smirked a little, his head tilting down so that his forehead was leaning against mine and his eyes were boring into mine in such an intense way that I could feel my knees get weak.
"Yes." I said simply as in my mind I was already thinking about all the things I needed to bring to his apartment and where I would put them. Trey's place was big enough for two, it was always tidy for belonging to a guy and even though a part of me was slightly scared I was in most part really excited. "When can I move in?" I asked eventually, waking up from my own thoughts.
"Whenever you want." He said quietly, pulling his head back and tucking a loose wisp of my hair behind my ear, "I can help you if you need me to."
I nodded, biting back a smirk, "I definitely need your help...if I moved in while you're not home you'd come back and be shocked."
He raised one eyebrow at me, "Whys that?"
I shrugged, giving him an innocent look, "Guess."
He looked like he was thinking about it, his face so handsome and cute at the same time that I felt like I was falling deeper and deeper in love every other second I looked at him. "Your shoes and clothes would be everywhere?" He tried.
I shot him a huge grin, amused but at the same time pleased that he knew me so well, "I promise I won't invade your space too much." I said softly as I kissed his lips.
His mouth lingered against mine before he smiled, "I knew what I was getting into baby. And from now on it's our space, not just mine." He said in such a honest tone that my heart melted. What I had done to deserve this perfect man was still a mystery to me.
"Then we should go to our kitchen and pop some champagne to celebrate." I suggested with a silly grin on my face.
"Deal." He pulled away from me and walked over the table to reach for the bottle.
I watched him closely as he opened it, admiring my man with adoration. He filled the glasses and winked at me as he noticed me staring, making me grin wide and blush too. "To us?" I said quietly as he handed me the flute, biting on my bottom lip and looking into his eyes.=
Trey nodded and clinked his glass with hers. “To us.” He took a sip as I did, not taking his eyes off of me. “You look so beautiful today…..” He said seriously and I felt every inch of my body blush. The fact that the compliment came from a man who looked at gorgeous women for word and who was incredibly handsome made it even more special to me. He was amazing and not just because he complimented me, he was in any possible way.
“I love you.” I said softly, smiling and biting down on my lip.
He grinned back at me. “I love you too.” He took another sip from his glass and looked back at me. “So how soon can you get all of those clothes here?”
I giggled. “It might be a little while.” I admitted, knowing that I owned way too clothes and shoes. “I'm a terrible packer.”
He walked up suddently, making my heart skip a beat as he pulled my body into his. “I could help you pack….” He trailed off slowly pressing a soft kiss against my lips.
“Oh yeah? Like you “helped me” pack when we went on vacation?”
He chuckled as I thought back. “I had to be sure you fit perfectly into each of those bikinis.”
“Oh? Because I remember you taking them off of me instead.”
He gave me a wicked grin and shrugged. “Oops….maybe you can just move in now and I’ll buy you all new clothes.” He suggested, cupping my head in his palm and kissing me hard.
“Don’t be silly Trey.” I said against his lips. “Dinner is going to burn if you don’t stop kissing me.”
He shrugged and kissed me again. “It sounds worth it”
"You wouldn't think so after you'd be done with me." I grinned and sighed, staring into his mermerizing eyes.
"Because you're so awful in bed?" He raised one eyebrow at me, giving me an amused look.
I broke into a silly laugh and shook my head as I took the glass from his hand and set it on the table along with mine. "Not what I meant, we both know I'm amazing in bed instead."
He reached for me again, wrapping his strong arms around my waist and pressing my back against his chest. When he held me like that I felt the safest girl on earth...and the luckiest too. "What did you mean instead cocky girl?" He asked in a whisper, his hot breath hitting my skin as he nuzzled my neck.
"I meant that s.ex makes you hungry." I said quietly, leaning my head against his shoulder and setting my hands on his arms.
"You drain all my energies baby." I felt him smirk against my neck before he kissed me softly, his embrace tightening.
"Not all af them." I bit down on my lip, turning my head a little to meet his eyes, "I'd better turn the oven off."
He dragged me next to it, his grin turning into an adorable smile, "Please, do."
I smiled back at him as my hand reached for the button before I turned into his arms, "It's still early, we can wait a while before eating." I suggested, staring into his eyes.
"Good idea..." He trailed off and smirked, picking me up effortlessly to set me on the counter like I was a doll. Did I say that his strenght was a huge turn on? Then again, everything about him was.
"I had an interview today." I said out of nowhere, wanting to share the news with him since in the last year he had been not only my boyfriend but my best friend too.
"Really? You didn't tell me anything." He furrowed his brows, looking surprised and I bet he really was. I always said everything to him...everything.
I shrugged and slid my hands down his chest, playing with the buttons of his shirt, "It was for my internship, the one I need to do for my class you know..." I trailed off, knowing that I had talked about it to him before.
He nodded and smiled as his hands ran up and down my thighs mindlessly, "How did it go baby?"
"I think bad." I confessed with a small pout, feeling genuinely upset. I wanted to succeed in my life and I had always studied hard for that, I didn't like failing. "They said to come back in one year and then maybe they might consider me if I'll have more experience by then."
"They being...?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Vogue." I paused and sighed, "It was for Vogue."
He gave me a weird look and shook his head, "You know I work there, right?"
I nodded, proud of him for being so young and so good at his job already, "I do, but I want to make it on my own. I'll try again." I explained and smiled, not wanting anything to let me down or ruin this night.
“And you’ll get it next time.” Trey said seriously, running his thumb across the skin above my knee. I liked how he put so much faith in me, how he believed in what my capacities...I didn't even know if I deserved that much.
I scrunched my face at him, knowing that he likes when I did that. He said it was cute. “How do you know that?” I asked, leaning my forehead against hers.
He leaned in and kissed my nose before pulling back and shrugging. “Because you always get exactly what you set your mind to.” He countered setting his palms flat on the counter on either side of me.
“Like I got you?” I asked, even though I wasn't sure if things had really gone like that. Of course I had wanted him a lot, but I had been just as much lucky too.
He chuckled and shook his head. “Nope, that was all me. I tricked you.”
I made my cute face again but this time it was accompanied by wide innocent eyes that were anything but me. “Oh? How did you do that?”
He shrugged, playing it off casually as he tried not to smirk. “I'm extremely good looking.” He deadpanned.
I nodded, since there was no way to deny that. He was handsome. “Yes…..but that would just get you into my bed, not my heart.”
He gave me a face of mock hurt and put his hand to his chest. “So you just put out for every good looking guy you happen to run into?”
I made the same face he had been making a second ago, struggling to keep it straight as I shook my head. “No just the extremely good looking ones.” I said, mimicking the way he had said it too.
He let his face relax. “There aren't that many of us.” He said seriously, though this time he let himself smile a little. Truth was, there was just one and it was Trey, my amazing perfect boyfriend.
I set my hand on my heart and nodded. “I know, thank god I found you.” I bit down on my lip and fis.ted the material in his shirt, pulling him between my legs. “You still didn’t tell me how you got me to fall in love…” I trailed off, leaning in and pressing feather soft kisses against his neck.
“I'm a very talented man Julia….” He breathed out as I kept kissing him, now trailing my fingers under my shirt and making lines on his stomach with the tips of my fingers, sending shivers through his body. The effect I had on him flattered me.
"How so?" I asked quietly, taking a break from the kisses and inhaling his intoxicating scent. It was delicious and I loved that sometimes when we spend the whole day together I went back home and I still had his scent on my own clothes...well, that was going to change since from now on his apartment was going to be my home too.
"Can't you tell?" He asked in a low tone that made my stomach flip for how hot it was. It was the voice he used whenever I was turning him on or when we made love, it was the sexiest sound ever.
I pulled my head back to look at him, pouting my lips a little, "I thought it was your turn."
His lips curved into an irresistible grin as his hands tangled in my hair to keep my head close to his and in place, "Is it a no?"
"I can try..." I trailed off, leaning into his touch as I bit my lip, listening to the sound of our breaths and noticing how they were in sync. That was my definition of happiness, a night with my boyfriend and delicious food waiting for us, I didn't need anything else.
"I'm waiting." He said softly and kissed me genly before grinning a little, his eyes boring into mine almost as if he was reading into me.
I took a deep breath and smiled, thinking about all the things my baby did perfectly. "It might be a long list." I started, letting a silly grin play on my face to match his, "You're very handsome and smart, that's what got me into you in first place. And the fact that you were older too." I confessed, feeling like a school girl.
His grin widened as he shot me an amused look, "I'm not that older silly girl. But go on."
"You're fun, caring, you make me feel loved..." I trailed off as my smirk turned into a huge smile and my arms wrapped around his strong body to keep him close to me, "But your biggest talent is that you can make me happy. Really really happy."
 
present;
 
"Is this the last one?" My sister's voice cut into my thoughts as I stared at the now half empty closet. It was weird how long it had taken to move all of my clothes into Trey's apartment and how little it was taking me to carry away most of them. That didn't meant that I was moving out, simply I needed to get dressed to go out. If I'd ever go out again.
"What?" I blinked my eyes at her, feeling so out of it I just wanted to hide under a blanket and sleep. That wasn't even me, I was the kind of girl who had fun, who worked a lot, who couldn't spend a single second doing nothing...and now I was the opposite, not willing to do anything anymore since Trey had decided that we were "on a break", his words not mine. In all honesty instead I felt like we were taking a road with no turning back.
She shook her head and sighed, stuffing a pair of my shoes in one of the three huge bags that surrounded us. "Forget it. Can we go now?" She asked and smiled, making me feel even worse since I was invading her space and I knew that. Wasn't that what sisters were for?
"Yeah." I said weakly as I adjusted my hair, which were messy and pulled up in a loose bun. "We could get some food on the way back to your apartment." I suggested, trying to sound more positive even though the last thing I wanted to do was eat.
She glanced over me and raised one eyebrow as an amused expression crossed her face, "With you dressing like this? No way in hell."
I tightened my fur coat around my body, shooting him a glare, "Even Carrie Bradshaw went out in her pj and she was still perfectly fashionable. And I'm wearing my Louboutin." I protested.
"Good point." She laughed and reached for two bags, surprising me for how strong she was. "But I can't Jules, I'm going out with Jim." She explained quietly.
"Oh." I stopped, my heart aching a little at the thought of my sister going out with her boyfriend, they reminded me a lot of Trey and me when we were younger. I hoped that they wouldn't end up like us now. "It's okay, just go and have fun."
"I can stay with you if you want..." She trailed off, looking at me like she was pitying me. And I didn't want to get that look from anyone.
"Don't be silly." I forced myself to smile as genuinely as possible, glancing at the key in my hand as we walked to the door and I wondered if I'd better leave it there. But giving my key back would mean that we were over and I still wanted to have hope, no matter how dark the place where we were was now. "I'll be fine."