{please look behind the big picture}

-today, september 10, 2013 is suicide prevention day. if you heard about this and support it, want to help prevent suicide, etc you can and should wear something yellow on your wrist, or write love on your wrist today. if you haven't already, it's not too late!

-i just want to make my own little post about suicide prevention day and suicide itself, since i wrote love on my wrists today and actually saw one of my old friends do it too, i thought i should share my thoughts and stuff on suicide. so here i gooo. 

- i first would like to say that if you have ever attempted/thought about/wanted/planned suicide but are still here today, i'm so fucking proud of you. despite all of that, you are still here. you chose not to commit, and that is a huge accomplishment. someone once told me, that the bravest thing they ever knew me too do was to continue my life when i wanted to end it. if i can do it, you can too. it takes great strength to persuade yourself not to commit, and i am so so proud of everyone who has taken the high road or chose to stuck it out after attempting. 

- next i'd like to share two stories with you. one is my own and one is something i found on tumblr.
mine (this is short) long story short, i attempted suicide and it didn't work. i was really mad at first, but i am so so so happy that i didn't die that day and that it didn't work. from experience, i can promise you that you will regret killing yourself. you will miss out on all the good things to come. 

tumblr: {this is a quote from tumblr i did not write it} 
"it's the morning. your parents walk into your room to wake you up for school. first they just think your sleeping. but they notice your little chest isn't moving. they notice you're slumped over the side of your bed, wrist up. they see a pool of blood beneath your lifeless arm. your bed is covered in blood, your whole body is colourless except for the red in certain spots. their face goes white. they feel sick. your mom drops to her knees, hands trembling, tears streaming down her face. your dad runs to your motionless body, he begins to shake you yelling "wake up, i know your still here" he begins to cry. your strong father is now balling his eyes out. one of your siblings runs upstairs, knowing what happened before he even stepped into the room. they knew you were feeling like this. now they hate themselves, more than you ever hated yourself. they regret not saving you, they wish they said something. a day has passed and the whole school knows. all your friends just think you were sick and that they will see you tomorrow, but its five minuts before school ends and an announcment comes on the sound system. they share the loss. your best friend is in her class screaming out in pain. she wants to die. she goes home and locks herself in her own room. she paces around crying, thinking. she pulls out a long scarf from her closet, 20 minutes later and your best friend is gone as well. she was hoping to see you again. now the school is mourning the loss of TWO bright teenagers. two families cry tonight. you're crush/bf/gf hears the news and doesn't talk to anyone for days. he stops eating, stops talking, stops living. he just sits alone in his dark room thinking of all the ways he should have helped. you're dead forever. the people who made fun of you will cry tonight too. they never meant to kill anyone. you're teachers have to go through all your records and take you out all their classes. they cry tonight too. that one teacher who saw you're arm? they will live their life in regret, knowing if they would have done something you could have had a family, gone to college. had a future...but now you're dead. you may not think that anyone cares, but everyone does. deep down everyone will die a little inside knowing the girl who never went a day without smiling, was actually hurting so much inside. you matter. please don't leave me tonight or any other night. you can make it through this. i believe you can. "

the first time i read that, i cried.
i'm really sorry if any of that triggered anyone. 

-this is also from tumblr,but i don't remember what exactly it says so i kinda put it in my own words but take a moment to think about it. 
"you are the one who has consoled yourself through all your struggles, you are the one who has gotten through everything up until this point, you are the one who picks yourself off the shower floor after crying, you are the one who tucks yourself in bed, you are the one who has gotten through the tough times, you did that." 

this reminds me that i can do anything^^^
if you can get through everything you've dealt with in the past, you can go even further. you made it through, keep going.

-i know some people on here aren't christians like me, but i just wanna say a few things about the god part of suicide.
i don't really know if you can go to heaven if you commit suicide, but i know that god does forgive you. god loves you. god wants you to live. god wants to take care of you and help you. please give him a chance. talk to him, ask him for strength and help. i promise that he will help you in his own time. he is with you every step of the way, whehter you know it or believe it. his love can make a life changing difference.

-lastly i would just like to tell every single one of you how truly beautiful you are. i know you've heard it a million times but that's only because it's true. beauty is not body. beauty is soul. who you are on the inside is what makes you beautiful. yes, your body is beautiful too. every shape, flaw, color, size, of your body is BEAUTIFUL. i know it's hard to believe and hard to learn. trust me, i'm still learning and healing myself. but it takes time. all those little quirks you have? yeah, those make you beautiful. how you get excited over little silly things, how when you dance you look absolutely ridiculous, how you love with your whole being, how you go barefoot everywhere, how you can't ever pick one favorite color or song, your weird squeaky laugh, and especially your flaws. thats beautiful. beauty is not on the outside, it's deep down to the depths of your soul. and once you realize that, everything changes. i hope that one day you realize how much you are worth and how truly beautiful you are.

here are some quotes about suicide and stuff.
i love you guys so much and i will always be here when you need anything. always remember that you are loved more than you think, you have a purpose, and that things really do get better. 

"if you ever see someone getting bullied, stand up for them. no questions asked. you never know what a few kind words can do for a person. you might just save a life."

"suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

"at any given moment, you have the power to say this is NOT how the story is gonna end.'

i encourage you to go out and help everyone struggling, including yourself.


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