Take me, I'm alive. Never was a girl with a wicked mind, but everything looks better when the sun goes. Your eyes, your eyes, I can see in your eyes. You make me wanna die. I'll never be good enough. Every time I look inside your eyes, make me wanna die.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 5TH: Happy 20th birthday, Alaska. Come to the river court for her birthday party. Dress casually, and bring a gift and a date.
 
...
 
Putting on an oversized tee with leggings and heels, I made my way down to the river court, where I knew everybody would already be for the party.
 
My party. I was twenty years old, to the day. It felt liberating. I just hoped everything I'd done in the past weeks didn't upset anyone.
 
I knew it had, though. But, there was nothing I could do anymore. I was who I was, there was no going back.
 
"Happy Birthday, Al." Jack and Elena told me, greeting me at the river court, under a sea of streamers.
 
I hugged them both. "Thanks, guys. It looks great, huh?" I said, looking at how great it was.
 
At least I had some friends who actually liked me, as of now. More and more people started to arrive.
 
"Hey, Happy Birthday!" Harper smiled, giving me her gift. I put it on the table.
 
"Thanks, H." I smiled. "Have you seen Lexi?"
 
She directed me to the bleachers, where she was sitting with Layla and Ava.
 
I saw Lexi get up and go talk to David. It killed me inside, to know she had someone great, and I didn't.
 
"Quinn, you came!"
 
"Of course, happy birthday." I smiled, then Penny came over. "Hey, Pen." I looked at the ground.
 
Quinn sensed tension, and went to get a drink. "I don't really want to talk about it, Alaska, I came, didn't I?"
 
I nodded, and got myself a drink. Then another. It was all I could do from not having a break-down.
 
"Alaska," I heard Lexi's voice. "Happy Birthday."
 
I smiled, fakely. "Thanks. I see your here with David, good, you two make a cute couple."
 
"Al, c'mon, I don't want to fight."
 
"No, no, we're definately not fighting." I started off. "Definately not fighting, Lex."
 
I knew I shouldn't be jealous, or angry. But, I was. Lexi had everything. And, what did I have? A drunken reputation, and no friends.
 
"Al, /how/ drunk are you?" Jack asked, after most of the people had left.
 
"Pretty," I agreed, laughing. "May I call you Jackey?" At this, I burst out in hysterics.
 
"No." He said, handing me a water bottle. "Drink this."
 
"Why?"
 
"Because, Jay's here, so sober up fast."
 
I did as he said, and sucked the water down. The fear in the pit of my stomache was enough to sober me up. I threw the empty bottle in the trash, and sighed.
 
"Happy birthday, Al." He said, sitting next to me on the bleachers.
 
I stared at the ground, and took off my plastic crown. I was a loser, what did you want?
 
"Nice crown."
 
I laughed. "It's my birthday!" I defended the crown.
 
"I know, it's cute." Jay told me. I smiled. "I've missed you."
 
"I know." I said.
 
"Are you still drinking?"
 
"Yes." I said, clutching the piece of plastic. "I'm sorry." I whispered.
 
"Why?" Jay asked. "Why, Alaska, are you sorry?"
 
I could tears well up in my eyes. "Because," I began. "I've ruined everything that was ever good in my life. Just, I wish...you know I love you?" I cried.
 
By this time, tears were streaming down my face. The party was over, and Jack and Elena were across the court, cleaning up. A few streamers were by my feet.
 
"Look at me," He whispered, and tilted my chin. I stared into his hazel eyes, overwhelmed. "I /love/ you, Alaska. You've got to know that."
 
I shook my head. "But-"
 
"No." He interrupted. I cried. "I love you, okay?"
 
"Okay," I nodded, crying. "Okay." I whispered, just as he leaned into kiss me slowly.
 
What was happening? I was so confused, so broken, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Just this, this moment. I had craved for this.
 
I pulled apart, and looked into his eyes. "Is this a mistake?"
 
"Not at all." He told me, and took my hand in his. "Al,"
 
"Let's go." I said, feeling it. and kissed him, and let Jay wipe my tears away.
 
....
 
THURSDAY, JANUARY 6TH: Go down to the local ice arena and watch the guys play hockey. Join in if you dare, and meet up at Katie's for hot chocolate afterwards.
 
...
 
When I woke up, for once, my head was clear. But, Jay was gone. Nowhere to be seen. For the better, I convinced myself.
 
I spent the day watching old movies. I didn't know why I was, each one made me cry more than the previous. But I kept watching; and kept crying.
 
Afterwards, I decided to be rebellious. It was late by this time, and I knew the hockey game would be going on.
 
What most people didn't know is, I played hockey in junior high. I was a pro. Good enough, to give those guys a run for their money.
 
So, wishing all other thoughts away, I glided out onto the ice arena -- catching the eyes of all the players, and people in the stands, too.
 
I smiled, knowingly. I was devilish, but smart. I could do whatever I wanted. Everybody in the stands were sitting, intent on seeing what came next.
 
Except Penny and Lexi. I knew, both of them were probably wanting revenge, so that's why they were the only two standing. It was okay, I could take a challenge.
 
...
 
FRIDAY, JANUARY 7TH: Since Lexi has been MIA lately, come to her house for a party to catch up. There'll be truth or dare, spin the bottle, and all those goofy high school games. Bring a date, and have a good time.
 
...
 
Staying home, I skipped Lexi's party. I knew I would regret it later; but what's new?
 
I just really didn't want to see her and David together. It hurt too much. So, for right now, I minded myself. I didn't want to stir up too much trouble with Lexi, so I stayed clear of her.
 
Instead, I went out. First, to the studio. It would be opening in a few weeks, and I needed to prepare. At this moment, I regretted selling Jay's photograph. I suddenly felt like I needed it.
 
Staring around the room, I observed all my photos. How important they were to me, how I almost loved them. These photographs told a story; my story. And for that, I did love them. They were all I had.
 
{Comment 'i do love you' if you read.}