born this way // lady gaga
It's not even funny how much i HATE this song. lol
Sunday 13th: All the girls are headed to the Metropolitan Museum of Art! After the museum, we'll go to the movie theaters for some real State of the "Art" fun.
I was pacing around my room in the hotel. I had asked for a private room, no roommates. I was tired of roommates (Magenta and Flor are great, but still) and tired of people in general. I couldn't believe this was all happening. I finally calmed down, and fell onto my soft, furry bed in the hotel. I cried for two hours. I didn't understand what was going on. I hated crying. It made me feel so helpless. Aleksandr, my best guy friend in the whole world, sister had just died. He's going through so much. He's been my friend forever. He's never spoken up about liking me. I know he likes me more than a friend but I never asked him, because I didn't want to be pushy. Maybe he wasn't ready to speak up, yet, right? Wrong.
I got a text message from Filippa. So now Filippa's back in NYC and is with Aleksandr? He leaves Tuesday! He's spending his last days with Fil-frickin-ippa? Ugh. So supposedly they're 'together' right now. I'VE KNOWN THAT GUY FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS AND HE NEVER opened up to me. Oh, but it makes perfect sense to open to Filippa, right? That's common sense, right? NO. And then since Alex never speaks up about anything, I start thinking, "Maybe he doesn't really like me," and then I start talking to Cameron and I'm cheating on someone? Alex and I weren't even together! No matter how much I wanted us to be...but I wasn't going to be the one asked. Ugh, it makes zero sense!
I tried calling him all day today. I'd left 32 messages. I texted him billions of times. I'd given up an hour ago but my mind hadn't. Finally, I got a text back. A text. Wow, he couldn't even call?
Alex: Why are you spamming my inbox?
Aimee: Because I need to talk. Talk. Not text.
Minutes later, her eventually called. "I don't want to hear what you have to say."
"Why did you call then?"
"My missed calls thing was bothering me."
I scoffed. Wow. Alex had changed. "Why are you with Filippa? I told you she was bad news."
"Why are you with Cameron?"
"He's my friend," I defended. My voice started getting weak. "And he's man enough to tell me how he really feels."
"Yeah." I said, with more assurance. Tears were still streaming down my face.
"Then why don't you call him? Leave me alone. I'm glad I'm going to California. I hope I don't have to come back." And then, the line went dead. That idiot!
I spent the rest of the day sleeping, crying, eating, crying, sleeping, repeat. My life felt like it over. I didn't want to do anything today. I skipped the museum and the movie theaters. I just stayed in the hotel with my best friend. Cheesecake. No, not the dog. The food.
Type "zero" if you read it all.