sue killed me with the partial gender-bend, and this crack!fic came to mind. i probably could've kept going, but i didn't want to take away from what i had so far. i have time to do another/more eventually, though!
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Capucius sat at the top of the cascading stairs that led to the entrace hall, mouth hidden behind his hand, and his eyes and attention on the lithe form of one Madalena who was currently crossing through said entrance hall with Luke. When was it that everything had changed? Why did Maddie have to go and be a girl, anyway? She was a perfectly fine boy! Easy to get along with, fine to make fun of, someone he could toss around without feeling like he'd break her... and then she had to go and grow boobs! Cap had enough trouble around Bradelia, who he wasn't sure he'd ever really get over (Who could blame him? She was hot!), to last him a lifetime, thanks! Dropping his hand to dangle it next to his other, he found something nudging his side sharply and gave a shout before turning to find Fiona practically scowling at him.
Oh, right, she had been beside him the whole time, hadn't she?
And, judging by the look he had earned, she had been talking, too. Capucius graced a sheepish half-smile before running a hand over his face. "Hey, sorry," he began, only for her to cut him off by shaking her head enough to make her hair dance around his shoulders. Distracted by the wave of blond and the tickle of it as some of it brushed his arm, he moved a subconscious hand to rub where it had touched, before frowning slightly. Cap would've been more understanding about it if it were anyone but Fiona. She never got mad. It was the nice thing about having her as a best friend- she was perfect and he didn't have to put on a show or treat her like a girl. Not like he did with tiny Maddie.
Huffing, he dragged a large hand through his hair (or lack of it since he'd cut it) and casually turned back to watch as his two Hufflepuff mates disappeared out the double doors to the grounds. Stupid Luke; how he was able to hang around Maddie nowadays without feeling weird was beyond Capucius. He had sort of forgotten where her eyes were sometimes and if that wasn't telling enough then he didn't know what was. But it wasn't like that with Fiona! Fiona and her... whatever she wore that sort of kept your eyes away from her chest and on her face. Did she do it on purpose? He didn't know; it'd make sense, being a hippie and a feminist or whatever she was, but it wasn't helping him keep his attention on whatever it was she was saying now. Which just made it all that much worse.
"What?" he found himself asking, hoping she'd repeat herself and assume he'd just missed what she'd said and that his mind wasn't actually elsewhere. But when she did repeat herself he surely hadn't been expecting that. Had she just exploded!? And about Maddie, and Bradelia, and girls in general of all things? "I know you're a girl, Fi!" What did that have to do with anything!? Actually, curiously enough, it had to do with everything, but that didn't leave Cap any less confused by her addressing it. Taken aback, he twisted his hands together, and shook his head. "But you're *Fiona*, du--" He had almost called her 'dude'. Assuming that, judging by the conversation at hand, Fiona wanted to be acknowledged as a girl for once (and not ignored as if she were just one of his mates), he ought to not make the same mistake with her that he had with Maddie. 'Dude' was not to be used on girls past the age of thirteen, it seemed.