DALLAS EVENT Thursday 6- D Magazine wants to interview the stars of the new reality show. Be sure to answer carefully, Roslyn Taylor is known for tricking interviewees into saying things they regret. [Mandatory]
I threw up again in the morning.
Actually, that's how most mornings began for me now. The nausea wasn't as bad as it was the first few weeks and my OBGYN said it would almost disappear soon.
After hurtling to the bathroom, I returned to my room and crashed on the bed, my stomach still rolling.
An orchestra of chimes from my phone signaled a call from James, which was also a morning ritual. And a nightly ritual. And usually sometime during the day.
"Hey" he breathed, his voice still heavy with sleep. "How was your night?"
"Better. I threw up again this morning, always a great start to my day, but I'm feeling good. How about yours?"
"Good. But it would've been better spent with you."
My stomach churned again, but not from morning sickness. James often dropped comments like that, hinting at....hinting at what? I didn't know. Or maybe I did, I just didn't like the idea of what he was getting at. They always stirred up equal parts guilt and excitement in me.
Guilt, I suppose, because despite the fact that I was carrying James' child inside of me, I didn't quite think of him as a lover, but more of a brother. Which made my current situation all the more confusing.
As for the excitement, well, I didn't know why that was there either and did the best to ignore.
James went on speaking, even though I had not responded.
"Big day today, huh?"
I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. The "big day" he was referring to was my interview for 6-D magazine at noon, the first press attention we had gotten from being on the show.
"Yeah and I have to be there at 11 so I have to get ready!"
"Well good luck. And don't say anything to incriminate me."
I smiled and hung up. Conversations with James were usually short and to the point- we had known each other so long we could communicate effectively with very few words.
After showering, I flung open my wardrobe doors, searching for something to wear. What was appropiate for an interview? It wouldn't be on camera, but of course I still wanted to look good for the other girls on the show....
I settled on a printed tunic and leggings, with touseled hair and minimal makeup. Natural was my best look.
An hour later I found myself in the lobby of a hotel in downtown Dallas, where the interview would take place. Several young women were milling around, and from the looks of their stomachs, they were also from the show.
A tall blonde broke away from the group and headed over towards me. Catching sight of her clothes, I immediately felt under-dressed. She was a simple dress and heels, but she looked extremely elegant.
"Carlie, I believe? My name is Stella, great to meet you." she introduced herself, offering a hand and a brilliant white smile.
"Nice to meet you too. Are you the woman conducting the interview?" I asked, causing Stella to give a perfectly high pitched laugh.
"Goodness no, but I do work for D magazine. I'm on the show this season as well!"
I 'ahh-ed' in response as a staff member of the D magazine stepped forwards.
"Ladies, good morning to you all! The interviews will begin shortly, so you can all step this way. You will be taken individually into another room, but you can all wait together here until you are up. Each interview will last 5 minutes!"
I followed everyone into the room she spoke of, exchanging greetings with the other girls and making small talk until my name was called. I was led into a connecting room, situated with several couches and large bunches of flowers.
A woman rose to greet me, with curled blond hair and a smile plastered permanently to her face. It looked like her cheek muscles were frozen in that position, her lips turned upward forever. The thought made me giggle a little and she managed to frown with her forehead while sitll smiling.
"Hello Carlie, please take a seat. We don't have much time together so I'm going to get right to the point. First of all, how far along are you?"
"5 weeks and 3 days" I answered without even having to think.
"You look young...tell me, how old are you exactly?"
"My, I remember when I was 20!" she trilled "That sounds a little young to be married, am I right?
"So who is the father? Tell us a little about him?"
"His name is James and I have known him since I was 4 years old."
"That's a very long time! So when did your friendship suddenly bloom into a romance?"
I hesitated, then swallowed, my stomach once again churning. I had been asking myself this very question for several months. The problem was, I didn't know. I didn't know if we were still friends or in a relationship and when anything happened.
"I don't know." I answered honestly. "He still is my best friend."
Roslyn gave a long, throaty laugh.
"Well darling, you have to be more than best friends! Something more obviously happened." she nodded at my stomach. "Do you want to tell us what that was? Because let me tell you, you can't say you're only friends if you're carrying the man's child."
I froze. I should've been expecting questions like this but she had caught me off guard all the same. I decided to tell her a little of what she wanted to hear.
"Well it must've been last year then. It wasn't a big dramatic moment, we were just hanging out like we had been for 16 years when I realized it- I realized that I wanted to have more with him. And from there the relationship developed."
Roslyn made some sentimental noises.
"And what do you plan to do now?"
"James and I haven't decided if we are going to keep the baby for our own yet. Adoption is one path we are considering."
"Oh, that is a great option, but after 9 months of carrying the child inside of you? Do you think you could do it?"
"I guess we shall see. We still have some time to decide."
"Yes that is true, but you'd better start thinking about it some more! Babies don't wait long you know." she chuckled. "And that is all the time we have today! Carlie, thank you so much for your time and good luck!"
I stood to go, my head suddenly throbbing. I had considered all of the questions she had asked me before, but having them spoken out loud had a whole other feeling.
Roslyn's words were echoing in my brain- "/you can't say you're only friends if you're carrying the man's child/"
I knew in my heart she was right but I coudn't admit it to myself. It complicated things too much. If I decided that I didt want a relationship with James, he would want to keep the bay ourselves. That meant a quick end to college, to my career, to my freedom.
And I wasn't ready to say good-bye to all that yet.