Ok, I know these dolls are shit.
I made them like a year ago, and they've been sitting in my drafts.
I had to publish someone because I really want to positively vent right now. I don't want to forget what just happened.
I've always been really negative about my volleyball coach. I think I have even called her the worst coach I've ever had.
Recently, everything with her has been getting so much better. I can see how much she /wants/ us to be a good team, whereas I always perceived her to not care.
But tonight, she literally just helped me grow up infinitely.
We always talk after practice since I'm the captain, but normally it's just, "How did you think things went tonight? What do you think we can do to get better?" Those in themselves have helped as a team, but she just literally shot out every negative thing I've ever assumed about her. I take it all back!
It started with her saying how she was trying to figure out if we were afraid to be successful as a team. That just got me thinking down a whole new path. Regretfully, I know now that I think like that. I look at the girls who are absolutely amazing, and it scares me. I have no faith in myself that I can ever do that. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm afraid to be great.
I always focus on my flaws like they're the worst thing in the world. They crush me and consume me. But I need to work on getting past them because they're not that bad. I can get over them if I allow myself.
But I don't want to be good because so many people who are good have egos.
Those scare me more than anything else.
If I become good, then what if I have one?
Then I'll be just like my dad.
And you don't know how much that terrifies me, how I spend hours some nights thinking about our similarities and trying to get rid of them.
But I get to choose who I want to be. No matter what he tries to do in my life, he's no longer a part of it. It can be great and be myself. I can be bigger and better than him. Egos don't automatically come along with skill.
I can't let the thought of being successful cripple who I am or could be.
And sometimes it's just nice to hear that, so I thought I'd pass it on to you to.