As you can see, I went back to my original layout. It's more comfortable to me. *LIMIT ON WORDS, SO I CUT THE BIO.*
Aisha Brunwick, 19
Why she's here: Depression
Looks: Anna Selezneva
Top 5 Choices:
1. AISHA, AISHA, AISHA!
Why I should be in this roleplay: Obviously, this roleplay is different. It isn't shallow, it isn't perfect. It has real characters with real problems and real situations. I don't know about you, but isn't it simpler to play a character than can relate to you in some way? I feel really connected to Aisha and her condition. I suffered depression for a while, but I am happy now. I love this idea of a roleplay.
•"I don't have friends, have a stupid family, retarded past and no future..." I said to sorry myself as I was nervously rocking back and forth in my new, uncomfortable bed at the Villa.
After listing every single one of my problems I began sobbing inconsolably and I collapsed onto the cold, hardwood floor a few minutes later since I hadn't eaten a thing in days.
One of the Villa staff came over to make sure I was okay and forced some food in me and advised me to go to the bathroom and "freshen up".
Listening to her, I dragged my weak self to the dirty shared-with-others bathroom. I searched in my jean pocket for my tube of Bobbi Brown lipstick. Not just any old lipstick. I took off the red lip product out of the container and threw it in the trash. Now it was just a gold container that held my pills. The ones the staff had tried several times to take away..yet, somehow, I still got them in my hands.
I sat on the filthy floor as I held the empty lipstick tube in my scrawny hands. No, I wasn't going to take them. Disgusted with myself, I crawled into the shower.
As the cool, ice-cold water began to enter my pores I dreamed of drowning. How nice it would be to relax, not worry, just softly, slowly, drown...away out of existence. I'd no longer have to worry about being happy. No longer need to fake a smile. No need to act like everything was perfect, when it wasn't.
I tried to drown. I filled the water up so high it almost leaked over the tub. Hours passed and I woke up choking, out of breath. I looked around me and I deep below water so I pushed myself up out of the tub for some air.
Had I tried to hurt myself again?
As I got out of the old, moldy tub, changed into some dark-colored clothes, I longingly stared at the shiny tube of empty lipstick that contained my most precious pills. So precious that I could die from taking too many of them at once. Tempting.
The staff came and knocked on the bathroom alerting me I'd been in there too long. I quickly grabbed the lipstick and stuffed inside my jean pocket. Putting my wet hair in a towel-turban, I opened the door and went outside, putting on a pleasing smile.
But, as hard as I tried, the smile didn't last. It faded.
And I starting crying all over again.
Questions: (in Aisha's viewpoint)
What are some things you enjoy doing?
Enjoy? I haven't enjoyed doing anything for the past three years. I guess you could say I like poetry. But my poetry isn't depressing. It's happy. Which is why I refuse to show anyone that secretly I can be happy.
Also, I have a secret passion for makeup. I want to be a makeup artist but that is too far off so I'd rather sit in my room, moping around and applying beautiful makeup...but feeling ugly inside.
Tell us a little bit about your family and your home life.
Family? Two parents who don't me. Two twin brothers who are egotistical and only care about themselves and the hot girls they meet after football practice. My life has been pretty boringly perfect. One day, I sat in my room and I thought of all the ways I could hurt myself. Ever since then, I was in therapy and counseling but my depression got worse. I don't know what caused it. I want help, but I don't want to be here to get help.
- How do you feel about being at the villa?
I guess it's supposed to help me. But why do I feel so low? The Villa has some freaky people and they all look at me and wonder why I'm even here. I guess i don't show signs of depression around people, just on my own. It's because I like to hide it. I'm trying to make the staff people take me home if I can act perfect. But I keep on going back into my sorry ways.
- What's your attitude towards being here at the Villa Rinascita?
Attitude...I guess if I make some friends I might be okay. But other than that, I want to get out of this "happy" prison. I don't believe in happiness. Like, I know some people have it and all, but the only time I'm happy is when I'm with others (I'm usually alone) or if I'm writing poetry.
- Do you think you have a chance of improving?
Yeah, if someone would GIVE me a chance. But, at the looks of how people treat me, they judge me and mascara-stained face with: loser. How can I improve with more negativity than I can handle? I'm negative enough. Also, they all judge me because I look like a regular person. I don't have addictions and that's why they think I shouldn't be here.
What is your attitude towards this?
This, as the Villa? I think it's a great place for people who like being in jail. That's my pessimistic view of it. I could be all cute and say, "It's heaven" but I don't like to lie. Well, I lie to myself, at least...oh...I want to be alone.