When I see you, something happens inside me. It's a split-second thing so I never know exactly where it's coming from or exactly how to describe it. I know it's coming from my torso section, and that it's kind of like something breaking, an awful sound like a hollow "thunk" inside me. It takes me about a minute to get over that before I realize we're still staring at each other - he's smiling. I try a small smile too, then remember our feelings toward each other and I erase the smile before he can think everything's okay between us. He slowly puts his away too. But after that, I still comb back my hair, and wipe my index finger under my eye to make sure no makeup had fallen. Then I realize what I'm doing. Just like when we were together - the whole reason why I broke up with him. Because he aways made me feel like I'm not good enough. And for the first time since we'd broken up, I felt as if I might be in danger of that happenning again - a fear of feeling that horrible insecurity he always made me feel. The epiphany I had just after that thought was like nothing else. it was so clear, so obvious, so right in front of my face I was surprised I had never seen it before. My epiphany was that he may have pushed that feeling into clear view of my vision but I wanted to be beautiful for me. So he would see my beauty. That feeling was already inside me. The difference was, when I was with him, I felt as if that feeling was never satisfied - as if I was never the beauty I was seeking. Now I can see my beauty, inside & out. And I want a guy who will make me feel that way.

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