dead in the water by ellie goulding
alex ivory

tuesday may 28th;

I didn't want to leave. I had spent the past four days in Luke's apartment. The only times I left were to go to the farmers market down the street and to buy conditioner for my hair. 

I considered going back to the hotel, to get my clothes, or my toiletries, but then I'd feel like I was leaving forever. 

I had been wearing Luke's worn out band t-shirts and old dress shirts for four straight days. I worried he would mind, but he kept telling me that his shirts had never smelt this good.

Now though, I had to leave for real. We were all driving back home today. Which meant I had to face my fears of leaving. I had to return to the hotel and get my bags as well. 

I stood in front of Luke, wearing only his Radiohead shirt, telling him how much I didn't want to leave. 

He kissed my forehead. "I'm going to miss you." 

I kissed him again, on the lips this time. "Me too."

I was about to take off the shirt and put on my jeans and blouse that I had worn when I first came over, when he stopped me. "Keep it. You can give it to me next time you come. It'll give you a reason to come visit me." He said and pulled me back for one more kiss. 


wednesday may 29th;

I was unpacking from yesterday when someone knocked on my bedroom door. 

"Come in." I called. 

I turned around and Tyler was standing by the doorway. "Hey." He said and walked over to kiss me on the cheek. 

"How was New York?" He asked.

"It was great." I said with a smile, hoping it would lighten the mood a bit.

"I missed you." He said. 

What was I supposed to answer? I hadn't even thought about him once. 

"I missed you too." I said, my voice shaky and suddenly higher pitched the usual. 

I knew he could tell I was lying. I avoided making eye contact with him and kept my focus on the suitcase on my bed.

Tyler walked over and sat down beside the suitcase. He slowly peeked into the suitcase, and sure enough, Luke's tshirt was right there, square in the middle of the bag. He pulled it out slowly.

"Who's shirt is this?" He asked.

I hesitated. "It's mine." I lied. "I got it at the concert in San Francisco a few years ago." 

"Oh, right." He said and stood up again. "I think I should go." I knew he knew the truth.

"Tyler, wait." I grabbed his wrist. 

He turned around to face me. "You saw him, didn't you?" 

I paused. "I'm sorry." I said and collapsed to the floor. 

"Don't be." He responded and walked out. I stayed on the floor, and started crying.

I know this was what I wanted, well sort of, but it still hurt a lot. I had just lost my best friend.

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