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~Foo Fighters, Monkey Wrench {this song is epic! Classic Foo.}

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This story is ehhhh... Hopefully it will make you laugh at least :)

JUNE TWENTY-EIGHTH – THIRTIETH: we all know jackson is a do-chebag but we can’t deny the fact that he’s a f-cking amazing friend, especially for paying for this 3 day vegas trip – complete with tickets to a sure to be incredible jay z concert. Find whatever excuse you need to get out of work and get ready for a trip we’ll probably never remember...

If I had had it my way in my /current/ state, I wouldn’t have been on my way to the freaking airport at nine freaking am. For whatever reason though, I had booked the noon flight. I must’ve been drunk when I did that. Noon was practically breakfast time. Noon was about the time I was kicking girls out of the penthouse and sending them on their merry little ways, never to be seen again. Noon was way too early.

“You’re leaving the office for the three days?” Mom had barked over the phone the night before, sighing impatiently. I flipped her off through the phone numerous times before responding with a grunt.

“Jackson Finch de la Baar,” she scolded, but I cut her off before she could get any further.

“Mom, stop treating me like a five-year-old,” I snapped. “I can do whatever the h-ll I want.”

“You have a business to run! I cannot run the Manhattan and Chicago offices. I cannot be in two places at once,” she continued, probably about to pop her eyeball out of its socket or something. I rolled my eyes, glancing down at the itinerary that my assitant had typed up because I told her to. “You cannot take off three days, you barely show up as it is.”

“So this will be no different,” I smiled. “Gotta go.”

Click.

There was nothing I hated more than talking to my mother, especially when she was p-ssed at me, which was pretty much always. She expected me to run the freaking world or else we were all doomed. Like she could fire me. Like she could do anything. I owned half of the company. I owned half of her paycheck, just like she owned half of mine. And we both knew who had the balls, the guts, in the joint ownership deal. She was all talk.

Auggie called me on the way to O’Hare, and sounded bored. “No one’s here yet. Doesn’t everyone know you get to airports early?”

“You’re seriously calling me to talk about arriving early?” I sputtered a laugh as I turned off the Loop. “You’re high man.”

“Just hurry the h-ll up,” he said. I imagined him sitting in the terminal all by himself, looking like a total loser, and messing around on his phone. Maybe he was looking up stats for his insurance firm. God. He was the dorkiest p-ssy I’d ever met. I barely knew why I associated with him, except he was smart most of the time. I guessed having someone smart around was better than having a dumba-s. 

I got to O’Hare around the same time as Eli, Nina, and Billie. I watched them passing through the automatic doors, and I fell into step beside Billie, clearing my throat.

“So, did I miss a threesome?” I asked, glancing at all of their tired faces.

“Shut up, Jacks,” Billie grumbled, wiping sleep from her eyes. “Why the h-ll did you schedule us a noon flight?”

“Just so I could see your gorgeous morning face,” I grinned, smoothing a thumb over her cheek, which was covered in sheet lines. I stifled a laugh as we got up to check-in desk. Nina slumped sideways onto Eli, who was carrying both of their bags, despite the p-ssed off look on his face.

“Daddy Duty calls again, huh? Lila got old fast,” I commented, handing over the tickets to check everyone in. I was such a motherfreaking great guy. Why they hadn’t thanked me for the trip yet, I didn’t know. “Aw, do you want to ride on Uncle Jackson’s lap?” I asked Nina, gripping the side of her waist.

“Do you ever quit? Godd-mmit,” Nina sneered, lifting her head off of Eli, who wasn’t paying much attention to either of us. “Paying for the trip is nice and all, but I would’ve done fine without you coming.”

“I still remember all those things you whispered to me late at night…” I said, my voice growing louder as Billie handed over her hugea-s luggage to the guy behind the desk. “The way you screamed…”

“You’re asking for a freaking coma,” Eli muttered to me with a glare, his fist clenching. “Shut the h-ll up.”

“Billie,” I called as we all started toward the terminal. “I think you’d better call one of your doctor friends to get these two in anger management.”

Eli and Nina ignored me then, walking ahead of us quickly, and turning their heads toward each other like they were deep in a crap conversation. There was no way they had done it yet. Eli was being such a p-ssy about it. 

“So. How are you and Mik…?” Billie asked, barely uttering her name as she shook her head. “You really shouldn’t be going there. You’re an idiot.” She dug around in the bag she was allowed to bring on the plane, taking out a danish of some sort. I watched her eat it, watching the way her tongue licked over each bite. I knew what she was doing. They’d all done it. 

“And you’re saying I should go… there,” I replied with half a smirk, nodding in her direction. Up ahead, Eli and Nina were going through security. Billie followed my gaze, and we both bust out laughing when Eli was chosen for the “random” screening. D-mn right it was random. That was freaking perfect. 

Then Billie glanced up at me, and I swear she did one of those seductive little eyelash bats. “Oh Jackson, I would never suggest that.” She quickened her pace, and followed behind Nina into security check. After like ten freaking long minutes we were all out and found Auggie reading a Reader’s Digest.

“Dude. Put. It. Down.” 

He looked up at all of us, turning red, and tossed it aside. “Well what else am I supposed to read?” He asked, annoyed.

“Playboy,” Eli and I said at the same time. He started to laugh, but then remembered he was p-ssed at me and scowled instead. Nina and Billie both rolled their eyes. 

After about a half hour, the rest of the guys had shown up, some of them barely rolling out of bed. I could tell Billie was all over the fact that I still looked hot, because I knew how to dress myself unlike these screw-ups who still dressed like the awkward middle school phase. Bunch of p-ssies.

“Jackson may be a do-che, but we’re going to Vegas baby!” Noah cheered later when we’d all boarded. We were all in first class, naturally, and drinking champagne because we could, but I was tempted to send grumpy Daddio Eli back to coach. He’d been sitting next to be the entire ride, barely saying anything except “why the h-ll do I have to sit next to you? You’re such a b-stard, you know that?” to which I responded “Mik says hi.”

At that point, I was sure he was going to slug me. But he restrained himself, and I smirked, leaning across the aisle to tell Billie that her best buddy was suffering from “no-se.x-since-who-knows-when depression.” He didn’t hear me though, and pretended to be asleep. I purposely ripped open a bag of fancy honey roasted peanuts over his lap, and they went everywhere. He sat up fast, almost hitting his head against the AC overhead.

“You d-ck!” He groaned, scattering peanuts onto the floor. “Son of a b-tch…”

“Oh, did I hurt your manhood?” I asked in a soft voice, smacking his crotch. He shot me another glare, shaking his head.

“You’re pushing your luck, Jackson,” he said in a low voice. 

“Aw, the happy couple is going through a rough patch,” someone snickered beside us, Billie I assumed, but I didn’t care to look. I just sat back in my chair, leaning my head against the headrest and closing my eyes with a smile.

“You know, I think my luck is pretty good with Mik,” I told him. “If you know what I mean.”

The rest of the way to Vegas was only slightly painful since he’d finally got some balls and punched me in the gut when I wasn’t looking. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Checking in to the hotel was a b-tch, but when we finally did, Billie and Nina went straight for the pool, so obviously I followed. Soon enough p-ssy Eli came down, carrying a freaking newspaper, and the rest of the guys decided to hit up the casino first. I watched Nina and Billie swimming, and the water messed up my view of their s-xy bikinis, so I gave up on them and pulled out my phone, shooting off a text to Mik. 

TO: MIK
FROM: JACKSON
So I’m in Vegas now, and I can’t help but wonder… If you want a father for your child… Or only want to walk with me awhile… Across the sand… I’m your man.
- - -
Within seconds, she replied.

TO: JACKSON
FROM: MIK

How can you be my man when you’re so far away? And I think Lila prefers to call you Uncle. But you can be my daddy ;)
- -
I glanced down at my phone, smirking even wider that normal because I knew Eli was watching me. Instead of texting her back, I pushed "Call" and she picked up on the second ring.

"Jackson?" She asked in an extremely sexy voice. "I didn't know we were on the calling basis."

"I didn't know you were on the 'no clothes' basis," I replied, grabbing my drink from the table. Eli was glaring at me, squinting into the sun and looking like a retard. I waved at him, flashing a full smile too because I was such a do-che.

"Oh my God, do you have someone spying on me?" She blurted.

"So you /are/ naked," I said with a devilish smile. "Send me a picture?"

I heard some shuffling around, and the phone was filled with static. I held it away from my ear, looking back over at Eli. He was mouthing something, but I didn't care enough to try and figure it out. "Tell me, is there ever a time that you're /not/ thinking about s-x?"

I thought for a moment, then laughed. "I think you know the answer to that."

"Eggs," Mik said, and I could just hear her smiling. 

"Balls," I replied, swirling the remnants of my drink around the bottom of the glass. 

"Jelly beans."

"Oh, hard n-pples."

"Kool-aid."

"Pop the cherry," I snickered and she half-groaned, half-laughed on the other side. I gestured to my phone, turning my attention back to Eli, and covered the receiver. "Oh, I'm talking to Mik. Yeah, she says Lila is doing great. She doesn't miss you."

"Son a b-tch," he snapped, starting to get up from his chair.

"We'll talk later," I said to Mik in a rush, watching as Eli came toward me. "Don't miss me too much."

“/I’m calling your daddy, can you be my daddy/,” Mik sang loudly and giggled, referencing that old Lil Wayne song. 

“Bye beautiful,” I tossed out before Eli ripped the phone away from me, holding it out over the pool. I stared at it, staying where I was on the lounge chair.

“What? Are you gonna drop it in or not?” I asked, completely calm. So what if he did? I’d just get another one. All my contacts were on my iPad. He thought he was so superior. The freaking a-s-ole. “See if I care.”

“That’s the thing, you don’t care about any freaking thing in your life,” he spat, dropping the phone onto the table beside me with a clang. “I could set the penthouse on fire and you’d just build another one.”

“Probably.”

“You are so--” 

Before he could finish his sentence, I had gotten up from the chair and pushed him backward into the pool. He had stumbled in, losing his balance easily and making a huge splash when he hit the water. I smirked, satisfied, and looked down as his head resurfaced. Nina was off at the other end, oblivious, but Billie was nearby and gawked at me.

“Jackson!” she gasped. “What the h-ll?!”

“He can swim,” I shrugged, walking away. Eli was being such a d-ck about the whole Mik thing, and I was tired of him whining about it. He had never had the balls to work anything out with her, so now it was my turn. It was fair game. 

Like h-ll he’d even get up to bat before I hit a homerun. 

[COMMENT IF YOU READ PLEASEEEE. I included @emmylou @nifty-nikki @vicks @alycat @wakeupfarah AND @vogueapparel @istylista read these too :)]
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